My First Real Deathmatch
Doomhammer tells us how he lost his modem virginity.
from playing on a LAN (Local Area Network) to playing online was
an unexpected and humbling experience for me. Here I was, The
Doomhammer, king of the LAN, the l33t d00d. I'm talking about
100+ frags in a 20 min Death Match (seriously!). I had been playing
on the LAN for quite some time and was pretty confident in my
abilities as a "playah". Then the day came to go online and frag
with the local guys and gals. So online I went, fully expecting
to kick ass like I had grown accustomed to doing on the LAN. But
to my total surprise, this new online world was more than my meager
LAN skills could muster. This definitely had to be some alternate
online reality I had stumbled into. I had convinced myself that
the server was running some secret backwards MOD that turned the
familiar territory of Quake II into a twisted universe of evil
and destruction. I was positive that there was an evil entity
at work here, hell-bent on destroying every online newbie (including
myself) that dared to join the fray. Not one to be easily discouraged,
I foolishly continued my first foray into the depths of DM hell.
Soon I had
grasped the basic idea of maneuvering around which made me feel
somewhat better about myself, so I continued further. Twenty minutes
had passed and the map changed; as I joined in the fun and frag
once again I made my second realization. The lava seemed to have
a gravitational pull all its own, viciously pulling me into its
firey depths whenever I dared to tread too closely. This torture
ensued for what seemed like an eternity, though in actuality it
was about twenty minutes. I had just gotten used to staying well
clear of the lava's pull as the map changed once again. I patiently
waited to continue my exploration of this strange new online world.
As I sat thinking and praying desperately for a map with little
or no lava, I was rewarded with great satisfaction as q2dm1 happily
appeared on my monitor. Very good, I thought, no lava to speak
of here, only good clean DM fun. I joined in once again and made
a bee line for my weapon of choice for dm1 (the railgun of course).
What a fool
I was; I should have guessed that the railgun would be rigged
too. I quickly found that this weapon mearly mimicked the railgun,
but in practice seemed to be a totally different creature altogether.
I would depress my fire button and…nothing, nothing - running,
jumping, and blammo…it would fire. Several seconds later than
I would have preferred. As I foolishly tried to at least get a
lucky shot off the thing I was fragged several dozen times; even
the guy named Player fraged me (not a pretty picture). At this
point the humiliation was more than I could bear - I was seriously
entertaining the thought of leaving.
It was at
that point my bro (Odessy) entered the room and inquired as to
what I was doing. He and I play on the LAN often and our skills
are pretty equal, so naturally my response was truthful. "I'm
kickin everyone's ass online!" To that he responded, "Oh really!
show me…" so I proceeded to the rocket launcher area not knowing
what a colossal mistake this would be. At this time Odessy noticed
my frag count (or lack thereof) and proceeded to laugh hysterically
and roll around on the floor like an idiot. I hate it when his
entertainment comes at my expense. Picking up the RL and taking
up the chase on "Player" I fired off several rounds of devastation,
none of which even came close connecting with their target. This
made Odessy laugh even harder. As I explained to him my theory
of the MOD that was running on this server I was railed from behind
by a vicious soul who obviously had no sympathy for me and my
pitiful frag count which was at this time still in the negatives.
Slightly enraged by this, I grabbed the RL one again and gave
chase, hell bent for revenge. I approached my prey, leaping down
from a ledge for that cool vertical attack. I fired a shower of
rockets that would have shurley killed anything in their path,
including myself apparently. I proceeded to repeat these four
steps, rapidly blowing myself up several dozen times. Odessy was
hysterical at this point, I thought he might die of laughter.
I tried not to listen to him as I pondered yet another strategy
that might save what little dignity I had left.
I tried the
super shotgun for awhile and was getting a few frags at least.
Then four more players joined in, the map changed, and chaos ensued.
I spawned into the game, took three steps forward and was eating
pineapples before I could get hold of a weapon. The second respawn
went pretty much the same way: three steps and whomp! As I respawned
a third time I just stood there waiting to get fragged. But everyone
just ran by like I wasn't even there. Here was my chance; with
nothing to loose I charged, grabbing the superhealth and the supershotgun,
a lucky shot to a player who was obviously in serious need of
health won me an RL. I bee lined for the sweet spot in the map
and screamed "QUAD HO!!!" as I picked up the sweetest of all powerups.
With the RL in hand, I proceeded to gib everything in site (even
the dead bodies strewn about the area). For a brief moment I was
"da playah". The killing spree lasted a good twenty seconds -
I was stopped dead by the guy I took the RL from in the first
place. He killed me with his blaster...? This was, of course,
the direct result of my patented "shoot the wall point blank with
the RL" technique. I had "pweened" myself several times, virtually
eliminating all the extra hit points I picked up with the superhealth.
The laughter resumed from the sidelines; I thought Odessy would
die anytime now. I felt at this point that this fiasco had gone
on long enough, so I respawned, hooked over to the rail gun, and
proceeded to the center of the action all the way yelling "WTF!",
"WTF!" like a madman. Dropping into the center of the map, I started
punching my taunt, wave, flipoff, and point keys randomly while
simultaneously spinning my trackball…
stopped and began the "LOL" ASCII chat. It was at this point I
realized that the line had been crossed. I was going nuts over
this thing, and as every one knows you can't play when you are
all tense and frustrated. I stopped spinning around like an idiot
and paused. Then thanked everyone for a great game, they all replied
in kind with messages such as "np", "good to meet ya" and "kill
ya later!!". This I thought is what this online deathmatching
is all about. Making new friends and having fun.
at that point that I felt good and did have a lot of fun. I said
"cya" to all "da playahs" and disconnected.
This was my
fist online DM, But definitely not my last…
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