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    PlanetQuake | Features | Articles | Haiku Quake Winners!
   

Haiku Quake Winners!
You wrote 'em - now see if you were one of the winners!
  — by Hellchick


Holy crap. Remind me the next time I start a contest like this to stab myself in the eyes with sharp, rusty spikes first to save myself the pain. You guys really dug out the haiku skillz - I got over 200 entries! It was difficult narrowing them down to a handful that we could judge, but we did it. The only problem is, Pappy-R has been talking in haiku only for about a week now.

Before we get to the winners, take a little stroll through the wordsmithing with ol' Hellchick for just a moment...


Haiku this, Biatch!  
Zen and the Art of Deathmatch

As the haiku poured in (Oh God, please make the bad people stop), I noticed that a few of them tended to fall into some noticeable categories: those that used the gauntlet because the word "humiliation" conveniently has five syllables, those that actually tried to stay within the haiku nature theme, and those that expressed the message, "I'm writing this damn haiku just to win something, so give it to me, dammit!" Ahh, poetry.

Here are a couple of great ones sent in with the gauntlet theme:

Rocket launcher spent,
I succumb to the love-glove.
Humiliation...

- Stephen E. Manis


Guantlet spins in hand
Bend over for my pain stick
HUMILIATION

- Brian

you stole my armor!
my gauntlet will fix you good!
HUMILIATION!

- Manuel

A couple of people figured they'd tell it like it is - they just wanted some swag.

The Planet Quake Staff,
allways making us write shit.
Lets just play some Quake!!

- Sabotage


planetquake.com
the best web site in the world
GIVE ME A DAMN SHIRT!

- SultryBob


PQ: great contest.
You'd better give me a prize
Or I'll rail your ass.

- Krash

This was another one of my personal favorites, although it wasn't picked as a winner:

Foe hides in darkness
Set vid_gamma 0.2
Ha! I see you now.

- Musashi

I really liked the following email - it came complete with an explanation for each haiku about what the author was trying to achieve:

*coughs*

Railgun is only for
no skill rich low ping bastards
Lag always beats me

I'd like to draw attention to the subtle self contradicting ironies of the first two lines, they blend together to expand the readers thoughts showing the fine web of interconnection between skill, accuracy, connection speed, socio-economic bracketing, weapon choice all presented under the guise of a no skill llama. Of course some might say 'only' is two syllables in which case I present the following analysis of LAN play in my flat

Have Pee One Three Three
Opponent Four Times Better
Yet I Still Whop Arse

A simple tale of superior playing skill overcoming inferior technology. Scene two games of Action Quake 2, flatmate has G3 with 192MB memory and is server, I have P133 (non MMX) and 48MB of memory, He has Voodoo 3, I have Voodoo Rush. He has 3 times my frame rate (at the very least) I win both games. Unfortunately I have never repeated the feat. An my final two haikus.

Action Quake is Good
Drop Through Cable Car Hatch and
Kill Friend with Shotgun

Planet Quake is Good
Very Very Very Very Very Very Good
Planet Quake is Good

- Alistair Hutton


Next:
more great haiku!



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