Mods I'd Like To SeeHellchick
been a few years since Quake I came out, and even though the popularity
of the original game has waned considerably, mods have been keeping
the game alive and kicking well into its old age. The same can
be said for Quake II; even long after its release, mods to the
game make it a continually changing and fresh playing experience.
With new mods coming out nearly every week, you would think that
the Quake mod scene would be glutted and that there would be nothing
left in the way of new mods.
of course be wrong, you ignorant fool. And that's why Hellchick's
here to do the thinking for you. Sure, there's a wide and varied
spectrum of mods to choose from, almost all of which are fun and
exciting to play. But the combination of too much free time and
a shortage of my prescribed psychotropics got me musing recently
about mods I'd like to see. So sit back, dear readers, and let
me enlighten you on what I think the Quake mod scene is severely
"Hunt and Kill Michael Bolton" Mod
maps for this mod will be huge - global, even! Each player will
be given two tools to find Michael Bolton: a copy of his tour
schedule and his latest CD which, if listened to, will boost the
player's aggression level to homicidal proportions, giving him
the killing advantage. The ultimate goal, of course, is to hunt
down Michael Bolton and frag his lame and cheesy ass into unrecognizable
bloody chunks. Players earn points in the form of money and will
receive a substantial monetary reward for achieving the game's
goal. It won't be easy, however, since there's only one Bolton
and surely thousands of players will be lining up on the servers
for their chance to make him sob for mercy like a little girl.
Plus, you'll have to mow your way through crazed hordes of estrogen-drunk
female fans wielding sharpened copies of his CD, eager to stop
your righteous agenda. Though the highest money will be earned
by bringing in the corpse of Michael Bolton for the verification
of his death, some points can be earned by scalping his treasured
ponytail. When Bolton has been found and killed, the mod can be
varied by substituting other suitable celebrities, such as John
"NRA vs. the anti-gun lobby" Mod
in this mod can choose to be one of two teams: the NRA or the
anti-gun lobby. Your job, like most teamplay mods, is to eliminate
the other side. Choosing the side of the NRA has its advantages:
ready access to the most advanced weaponry available on the black
market, and the personal advice of Charlton Heston, who will advise
you from a small window in the upper right corner of your HUD.
Using illegal campaign contributions, anti-gun lobbyists will
attempt to sneak legislation through Congress, thwarting the NRA
team's constitutional right to buy a fully-automatic, 50-caliber,
shoulder-mounted long-range sniper rifle with a laser range-finder
scope and armor-piercing rounds. Though it seems that the NRA
team's weaponry gives them an unfair advantage, the anti-gun lobbyists
will have the edge in defense in the form of a large supply of
congressional representatives to serve as human shields.
will appeal to those who forget to take their medication occasionally.
First you have to run around the map and find the Ritalin and
then you get points and then no wait put that down no no no look
over here over here that's it and then you no don't touch that
stop that and then you play a game and then run around and then
I forget what happens next cause I have to go now.
Lunch Lady Mod
the days of standing in the school lunch line, hungrily awaiting
that ice cream scoop of white rice, the consistency of which made
it more suitable for repairing leaks in a nuclear power generator
than for feeding students? Well, those days are back in the Quake
II Lunch Lady mod - only you're the lunch lady! Stand behind
the sneeze guard and hurl sticky spheres of starchy death at apathetic
students who will try to thwart your noble efforts to provide
them with the proper nutrition. Powerups can be found strewn over
the cafeteria map - for example, picking up and wearing the big,
black, and pointy 60's-style eyeglasses increases your aim two-fold.
What's more, hairnets will give you the equivalent of 100-point
armor to shield you from the deadly spork-weilding ADHD children.
just a few of the mods that I, personally, think would nicely
enhance the current Quake mod scene or, at the very least, get
my dosage increased. I'd tell you about a few more, but the nurse
is telling me that my favorite show is on in the day room.