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    PQ | Features | Mailbag | February 16, 2002

PQ Mailbag

Once more, the mailbag introduction.

Another week, another almost-missing mailbag. I went through a bit of a crisis of sidekicks this week. The first guy I found was eager as a pup and willing to help. But as much as I would have liked to see his spirit crushed by the feedback that doesn't make it into the mailbag, there was a conflict of schedules which left us unable to work on the thing together this week. My last minute replacement bugged out, appropriately enough, at the last minute.

Fortunately, I was eventually able to find someone willing to spend a good chunk of a Friday night fielding questions from the peanut gallery. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it. Allow me to introduce that somebody, Dire Hamster. In his own words:

"You know, as appreciative as I am at the chance to do the mailbag with you, I have to wonder if the average reader really cares whether or not you have a sidekick."

"Hell, if you were to *cough* restart the polls and ask them, I'm betting "I don't care" would be running just behind whatever this week's lame starwars reference happened to be."

"Anyway, if I were you, I'd have just made up a sidekick. I mean, who's going to know the difference?"

Though he raises a good point, I find it's far too much effort to pretend to be two people at once. Pretending to be one person is bad enough. The poll idea is a good one, though. So anyway, on with the unnecessarily delayed show!

Feedback (the good kind)

Less of this than usual. I can't imagine why. It's not like my standards could have dropped any lower since starting this job. So, obviously, the blame falls entirely upon the shoulders of last week's cohort, Aurora Slyde. After all, that's what sidekicks are for.

From: Anthony
Subject: Yo

Yo I just wanted to say 2 words to you.


Just Another Quake fan

Dire Hamster: Well, I do my best.

a madman: You don't even WORK here.

Dire Hamster: I was talking about divine inspiration. Anyway, it's not like you do any work here either.

a madman: True, but at least I get paid for it. So, does "kick-ass" count as one word nowadays? And what about "laterz?" You know how I feel about superfluous z's.

Dire Hamster: Eh, not this time. I mean, he did say it was a KICK-ASS SITE, after all...

a madman: True enough. We'll let him off with a warning.

From: Mike Gibby
Subject: QuakeScopes - Feedback on my desktop reading

So a couple weeks ago I submitted my desktop for a reading, and today I
find that it's been used. Just thought I'd make a few comments on the reading.

>Profile for Monsoon: Here's a guy who's been around gaming for quite some

Yup, I've been playing PC games since junior high, and console games (if
the Texas Instruments TI-99/4A counts as a console) since elementary
school. That'd probably be since 1985 at least.

> Probably in his 20's, Monsoon has an active online life with friends and
> acquaintances from a number of different gaming communities.

If you couldn't guess by my signature, I'm 25. I'll be 26 on March 30 in
case you want to add that to your list of birthdays or something. As for
an active online life, I spend most of my free time on IRC. I've been
hanging out in undernet #quake2 for years.

> He has a broad range of gaming interests which can be seen in his icons.

Yeah, that's pretty much a given with the shortcuts on my desktop. There
aren't many types of games that I don't like to play.

>Monsoon has likely been in several clans in his PC gaming history and
>probably enjoys multiplayer more than single player.

Well, I've been in two clans. Clan Schwartz, which was mostly just me and
my roommates at the time, and a brief stint in Wu-Tang that lasted for a
month or two. This was back in the days before everyone and their dog had
broadband, so a dialup player like me could still compete. I don't play a
lot of multiplayer games on the internet anymore, but I do still like to go
for a few hours of Diablo II with my roommates, and I'd love it if there
were a multiplayer mode for Civ3.

> Monsoon also appears to receive some sort of stimulation from digital
> girlies. I predict that no woman will be able to hold a candle to Lara
> Croft for Monsoon, but perhaps with a little role-playing efforts he will
> one day enjoy a satisfying love life.

Yeah, that one's a little obvious just because of the wallpaper. Like I
said, I'm almost 26 now and I've never had a girlfriend, nor have I kissed
a girl (not counting anything that would've occured before puberty really
hit, i.e. grade school). So maybe I've been a little spoiled by the female
images I see in video games and comic books, but I do realize that there's
no way (short of expensive, extensive, and painful surgery) that any real
woman is going to be able to compete with those sorts of expectations. I'd
be happy with a woman who I could love and be loved by just because neither
one of us pretends to be something we're not.

>Quake Olympics Event: Monsoon takes home the Silver Medal in Speedruns!
>Catch him if you can!

I've never considered myself an expert at speed running, although I do hold
those people in high regard. I've watched my share of speed running demos,
and I've managed to duplicate a few of their tricks.

>Love-O-Meter Rating: Hot 'n Heavy! Wash sex toys after every use to avoid

Heheheh. If I had any sex toys, I'd take that advice to heart. :) Even if
I did have the toys, I don't have anyone to play with anyway, so they'd
just collect dust. :/

Mike "Monsoon" Gibby
Squandering the planet's oxygen for over a quarter century.

a madman: I must say, Jube's ability to make accurate-seeming statements with vague generalisms certainly is mystical. I was stunned by the accuracy obtained by the barest of hints shown in this desktop. One wonders if perhaps deeper and more mysterious powers are at work here than meets the eye.
Anyway, all I can say to a 25-year-old guy with whoever that is on his desktop (though I'm sure I'll have someone more than willing to fill me in) is "please quit squandering my oxygen." So now, as a special bonus, we have Dire Hamster's followup reading.

Dire Hamster: You don't have much in the way of a social life outside of the internet, which is why you're writing a letter to Jube about her reading which she won't even see.

You are also about a 5 on the Kinsey scale, and the pictures are your way of overcompensating. The painful surgery you were talking about was actually a sex-change operation.

Oh, and you are a pasty chalk color due to your lack of sunlight, and should go outside and get some fresh air immediately.

a madman: Harsh, but sometimes the truth hurts. Still, am I the only one here wondering what the hell a "Deskmate Kahli" and "Deskmate Tahni" are?

Dire Hamster: Virtual pets... sort of. Desktop pet, rather...

a madman I'm aware that I could look it up myself, but I'd rather assume the worst. I'm sure you realize that calling it a desktop pet really doesn't make it sound much better.

Dire Hamster: Well, more like a desktop ho, really.

a madman: Well ok, then. Morbid curiosity compels me to fire up a search engine.

Taken from the webpage:
If you leave her alone, she will amuse herself and entertain you in the process. The Secret Touch Sequences are located around Kahli's body and when these are activated by your mouse click, Kahli will perform a special 'Surprise' Sequence.

Riiight. On that note, let's move along now. This guy is creeping me out.

The "saar_k" section

Due to circumstances beyond our control, the section of the mailbag where Slugfiller's email would normally appear has been cancelled. Please feel free to notify the management and complain, if you like.

Tech support, take 1

The mailbag seems just a mite short today. We're still on the first page and already we've arrived at the semi-serious feedback. Rest assured that plenty of insults, cynicism, and bitterness lie ahead. However, the odds of a "second page of doom" are looking higher by the minute. Anyway, here goes...

From: Stephen Howe
Subject: The GeForce Delema

Well, maybe not. I just remember not that long ago (3, 4 years at most) that 3dFX was coming out with the Voodoo 4/5 line, ranging from $200 to $600 in price. Now, I was planning on upgrading from a Voodoo 3 to a Geforce 2ti (can't afford better on my budget!) when I saw that Nvida came out with the GeForce 4 line. Didn't the G-3 only come out months ago? What gives? Which one should I get? Aren't they afraid they will fall like 3dFX? When will someone make a standred for all this crap!

ps: does q3 look much better with a geforce 2ti instead of a voodoo3? and will the new doom/q4 run on a g-3ti? thanks!

-Steve (el sysop)
Sysop, Fuzzy Logic BBS
"Smile. God loves ya!!"
e-mail: [removed]

Do You Yahoo!?
Send FREE Valentine eCards with Yahoo! Greetings!
Dire Hamster: Do I... yahoo!? Is it just me, or does that sound vaguely offensive? Do you, you know, Yahoo? (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more...)

a madman: Right. Been watching a bit too much Monty Python, have we? Well, I considered giving you some links to Tom's Hardware, where you could spend an hour reading 20 pages of technical specs on a $399 card to make your video games more attractive. I'm sure there are people that get off on that kind of thing. But a few things stopped me. One, you can undoubtedly find those links for yourself if you're actually curious. Two, there are about two games being made right now that support anything the GF3 does. Notice that people are still doing testing for these new cards on Quake 3. Quake 3 is a game that was made in late 1999, hardly something you would consider cutting edge. Is it really a wise investment to spend $400 to pump out 210 fps? Your monitor is probably lucky to get 85 Hz. Trust me, the bleeding edge can wait until something that actually REQUIRES these cards comes out. As you're running a BBS in the 21st century, I'm sure you're used to being behind the technology curve anyway.

Dire Hamster: Sure, you can pump your screen resolution up to 2400x1280, but your refresh rate will drop to about 60Hz which is guaranteed headache range, not to mention flickering all to hell.

a madman: If you really MUST waste your money, avoid the GF4MX. It's not even on a par with the GF3. I doubt you're going to notice vast differences between a Voodoo 3 and GF2 Ti, either. Doom 3 ran at about 30 fps on a GF3, according to Carmack in a plan update from around May of last year using a pre-alpha version of the engine. Wait for it, then pick up a low-end GF4 in the sub-$200 range.

Dire Hamster: On the other hand, it's the tech freaks who spend $800 on a Divx player and buy cards like the Voodoo banshee that drive the market and lower the price of the rest of us, so don't let us stop you from buying anything.

a madman: And kids, if you do yahoo be sure to wash your hands afterward.

From: "D"
Subject: Uploading

My user name is Demon. Just wanted to know what I can do to upload files. I have a skin pack for the new 1.0 and 1.1 versions of Bid For Power and I want to share it with others. I did not put any viruses in it but I'm sure your goin to test it any way. I just wanted to knw what I have to do to get it uploaded so I can share. This Email address is good for getting in contact with me. Give me a holler if you have any info.. Thank you.


a madman: Well, you can always get a Geocities site. If you think you're hot stuff you could also try to get hosted here at Planetquake (conveniently accessed via the "get hosted" link seen on the left side of the page). Or, you could try tracking down the people that actually made the mod and ask them instead - here's a hint, try I'm sure they'll be happy to give you a holler if they like your stuff.

Dire Hamster: Or you could try just sending it to polycount.

a madman: *shrug* Whatever works, I suppose.

Next: The end... or a new beginning?

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