Greetings once more, faithful mailbag-readers. Another mailbag, another sidekick. So let's get to the introductions, shall we?
raptorE: Hey y'all, I'm raptorE. You have never heard of me. Probably. If you haven't, don't feel left out. You didn't miss anything. Well... I'm a mapper who has only made one map, I'm obsessed with cheese, I'm addicted to cocacola and I listen to Static X - Cold non-stop on a daily basis. The word 'quake' enters my mind at least 300 times a day. I don't expect any e-mails to include my name, but if anyone mis-spells it, I'll eat them. Alive.
a madman: Ok, sounds good. I'm totally clear on the 'Quake' thing. But... what's with the 'E'?"
raptorE: I used to be just Raptor, but I met another Raptor in #terrafusion, so I decided to change it. I don't know how I came up with it, but I have a sneaking suspicion that I was drinking a Coke at the time.
a madman: Hmm. That seems kind of anticlimactic, somehow. No radioactive insects or mutagenic fluids involved? What kind of sidekick ARE you, anyway?
raptorE: I like cheese. Wait for someone to screw up, and I'll show you. I'm hungry.
a madman: Cheese, hmm? Welcome aboard!
Where it usually starts. Random letters undeserving of ridicule. For the most part, anyway.
From: "James Brewer"
Subject: erm, you've been hacked
hay, just wanted to inform you that lvl(planetquake.com/lvl has been hacked by the peoples front? they say that they want people outside and not inside playing computer games.... thoughs bastards... i'm siting here trying to get maps for a lan i'm gona be hosting, and thoughs ass clowns have to go and hack to main map site, what the ?
well, you might have nown this before i told you, but, can you do something about it?
a madman: Guess which day I got this letter, folks...
raptorE: The day all those Gamespy servers were migrating?
a madman: Nope. Think... more... first of April-ish.
raptorE: Ah, I see that in the e-mail here. I wonder if this guy has a calendar. I hear they have dates on them.
a madman: We at Planetquake are always appalled by this kind of senseless tragedy when it happens to one of our hosted sites. Rest assured that we stop at nothing to hunt down those perpetrators and bring them to justice! But... in this case, I have the feeling that the problem "sorted itself out," shall we say?
raptorE: Just in case though, I'm going to chain myself to my computer and get an attack dog incase those mean People's Front guys try to drag me outside. I also have a stuffed toy dinosaur who guards my monitor.
a madman: Good plan.
From: Joe "fragbait" Hazlegrove
Subject: quake in my life
How has Quake invaded my life? Good question. First of all Quake has gotten me kicked out of my high school library for the whole year 3 years in a row. my freshman year we loaded up Q1 on the computers in the library and went to town, the librarian was fine, till we took over every computer and people couldnt do research, we got kicked out. Sophomore year was the same. This year, my junior year, the school board spent some obscene amount of money to upgrade all the computers in the school to Dell Pentium 3's we can now play Quake 3. I have neglected homework, missed tutoring, and lost most of my non-geek friends, oh well. Quake is God. Last week we got kicked out again, but atleast this time we can still use the computers for other things. Were working on getting him to unblock planetquake (the librarian) no such luck, oh well. Anyway, thought you would enjoy a little feedback on my small town high schools spiral into "darkness"
Joe "fragbait" Hazlegrove
PS: you guys wanna know WHY we got kicked out this year? Some goodygoodys mom found out we were playing Quake 3 in the library, and complained to the school board about how it was corrupting our minds to violence. bullshit. if anything i think its taken my mind off violence by giving me a healthy vent. what do you guys think?
a madman: Man, I can't believe the luck of some people. I was lucky to get a computer in High School that we could play that QBasic "Gorillas" game on, much less Quake. Hell, if I wanted to play a game in the library I had to write it myself! Man, those were the days....
raptorE: The computers at my library can't handle starting up, much less Quake. I want to shake this guy's hand, though. He obviously doesn't let little things like school get in between him and Quake. He's got his priorities all worked out, let me tell you.
a madman: Hmm. And to think that this is where tax dollars are going. Sounds good to me. Otherwise they'd probably just be wasting them on bombs or housing or some crap like that. Let's hear it for the corrupting power of the FPS!
Wait, that guy asks what we think. Well... you know those people who think games cause violence? I THINK THEY TASTE GOOD.
a madman: And I think you need a healthy dose of lithium. But hey, it's all good. I, myself, am a proponent of the theraputic effects of sniping in TF to the mellow sound of "Enya." Yes, Enya. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
raptorE: Enya is a font you know. This lithium now... does it have cocacola in it?
a madman: Yes. Lots of coke. Just follow me and I'll give you all the lith... er, coke, you want!
Subject: Topics = good idea
Well, on your topic...first off all, topics are smart. They tend to make
people write in more than they would otherwise - because not everyone has
something random to say - and also make life interesting. Anyways, I like
As for how Quake intrudes into my life...I don't think intrudes would really
be the right word. Sometimes I will stay up far too late and have to make a
last minute rush, but who is that not true for? I haven't gotten my hair
cut funny or gotten tattoos, at least not yet. But I do love the game and
spend time among those who feel the same - though not in real life.
In fact, I essentially hide my gamerness in real life...which is kind of
disturbing! I guess I want to conform to what society wants to some
extent...and now I'm blabbering. So it doesn't change much except how I
spend my time. It makes that part more fun, and I meet amazing people. You
can be so much more open on the net because no one on it can affect your
life - unless you decide to let them. Then great things can happen.
Hope I haven't blabbered too much :-)
raptorE: You have.
a madman: Now, now. Would you rather have an empty mailbag?
raptorE: Ok, you're right. I try to do the oposite of this guy though, I push my inner gamer into the offline world. I say l33t at least twice a day.
a madman: Still, I have to wonder about Octovus' TRUE dedication. He may be good, but if he hasn't at LEAST shaved a quad into his hair I'm not sure we can trust him.
raptorE: Yes I noticed his lack of enthusiasm next to the guy who plays quake in the library.
a madman: "Inner gamer" though, hmm? Bah. You're not truly l33t until there IS no inner gamer! Because it's all, you know, on the outside.
raptorE: Well a part of me is centered on meat, so...
a madman: You know, I'm just not going to ask what that means. So... moving right along, then?
raptorE: Okay, breakfas- err, A Madman.
a madman: *sighs* I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it's only the crazy ones that want this job...
From: Johnny P
Subject: An easy question to answer
I spend every waking moment in a state of erotic shock, ever since the ending cinematic of the marine telefragging shubnaggabitch, for the first time I saw that sexy bitch, my life would never be teh safe.
I now stand in a hallway, making annoying grunting nosises and hiting people with my axe... I can hear the sirens.. they are getting closer.. yet my erection will go on.. on to be worshiped by space-aliens 300 years later.
a madman: Hey, here we go! Someone that frightens me more than you!
raptorE: It doesn't have to be that way.
...But yeah that guy scares me a bit. Especially with the whole Shub Niggurath being sexy thing he has goin... *shivver*
a madman: Well, you know what they say about elder gods. "It's not the size of the tentacles, it's how you wiggle them"... But really, I did not need that last sentence.
raptorE: And you think I'm scary. Make a speculation. What in the HELL is this guy talking about?
a madman: I think what this guy is trying to say is that Sen. Lieberman is right. At least, *I* wouldn't trust this guy with a pair of toenail clippers after reading this letter, much less a gun.
raptorE: Would you trust me with a pair of toenail clippers?
Think about it.
a madman: Hmm. Maybe the small ones.
Subject: 7 points?!
Regarding todays POTD
He didn't even have PQ on any of the 4 available monitors...
raptorE: I think I know Gleeb from #terrafusion. Hi Gleeb =)
a madman: Screw PQ on the monitors, I think it takes at least 4 non-crappy posters to cancel out that Marylin Manson one. If you can do it at all.
raptorE: Is that that scary guy with the big mouth?
a madman: Rabies: No, I have no idea who that is. So, whatdya say, raptorE? Shall we re-judge this one?
raptorE: *cracks knuckles in a scary way*
a madman: Ok, let's start out with the base of 5 points. It's tradition, after all. -3 points for the Marilyn Manson poster, but that's cancelled out by Tool, Tim Burton, and the insane guy with the freakin' huge mouth. Back at 5.
raptorE: The posters scare me. I like all the monitors, but they are too small. Why does he need frogs if he has the marylinn manson poster?
a madman: Good point. So we'll give him 1 point per monitor, but I'm going to have to take away 2 points because they're all tiny.
raptorE: I think the combined display space of all 4 of those would fit nicely in my big 19" mag innovision. But he gets 2 points for the legos. I like legos.
a madman: You have mere 19"? I have a 19 AND a 17! Bwahahaha!
Ok. So.... back to judging.
Misspelled "medieval" when describing his legos, another -1.
Lousy jpeg compression, -1.
No PQ on, not one, but *4* monitors... -4.
Where are we at now?
raptorE: -1. Let me take one off because I'm tired of people not thinking to put backgrounds on their text so you can read it.
a madman: Good call. But he's got frogs. That's worth 2 points.
raptorE: This picture reminds me of a screenshot I took in Ra3 when my screen was covered in gibs.
a madman: So... looks like the new official score for this desktop is 0! As Pappy would say, GG! A winner is you!
Next: Answering questions like no one else!