After a week off to give the mail a little vacation, the PQ Mailbag has returned! This week we've got plenty of those wacky reader antics you've come to expect, ranging the gamut from evil flying trashcans to cd cracks. Here to help wade through the madness, like usual, is Dire Hamster, so settle in and get ready for some fun.
Perhaps it's just my imagination, but the questions of the week seem to have been getting worse lately. Plunging after like an action-movie hero jumping out of a plane to catch a parachute, the reader responses have kept pace admirably. Here we go.
Subject: StOo was squished.
first of all, in response to the mail from Christopher Barnes "Subject:
gamma fix" you can use a funky little app called PowerStrip to set gamma
and other options on a per-application basis and control gamma
systemwide with simple keyboard shortcuts.. this program can also do a
LOT more, such as overclocking, various display options, forcing refresh
rates etc.. i fully recommend it.. www.entechtaiwan.com.. much better
than the lame IdGamma solution..
as for the question of the week, my favorite Quake creatures are both
from Quake1.. Fiends are cool.. you hear them snort and then they lunge
at you as you swiftly sidestep them and plant a rocket upside their
head.. they make evisceration a pure pleasure.. :)
however, i probably like Vores equally.. that distincive shrieking noise
as they release one of their homing balls of purple death and you run to
find the nearest corner to dodge around.. there's not many of them in
the game but Quake would be a far lesser game without them..
..which is more than i can say for the stupid flying trashcans in
Quake2.. i have no idea what they're really called, i just know that
they suck.. i'm sure they looked a lot better on paper but surely
someone at id must have been modelling it and thinking "man, this
creature blows.. i am soooo not taking credit for this.. my career would
and, of course, Shub Niggrauth or whatever it's called is probably the
lamest end-boss ever devised in the history of gaming.. a big grey
squiggly blob.. yeah, that's sure to send a tingle down players'
spines.. guaranteed most players upon seeing it for the first time
thought "ok.. wtf? *sigh*".. and then they thought that again 2 mins
later when they'd killed it and they're watching the enthralling and
highly-rewarding end sequence of.. text..
despite that, Q1/QW is still the finest game on the planet.. may it live
a long and happy life..
ignoring Quake3 since 1999..
Dire Hamster: I don't think there are many people out there that would argue with you that Shub Niggurath, all Lovecraft references aside, was one of the lamest end-bosses ever. Up there with Mother Brain from the original Metroid. Oooh, a pink brain floating in a jar. That speaks fluent jive, if the cartoon series is to be believed. Someone apparently needs to call up all the game designers and tell them that anything pink and sessile is going to make a terrible end boss.
a madman: But it was giant! With tentacles! And the invulerability!
Ok, so you're right. It was an idiotic idea that could only be the result of an undiagnosed brain tumor. The fiend was just fine, though I still hold a certain fondness for the spawn. They were like a super-bounce ball made from pure evil - I wish I could have made something people hated that much.
Dire Hamster: The vore was just awful, though. Mainly because it singlehandedly made nightmare mode unplayable.
a madman: However, the technician, as that Quake 2 creature was called, was absolutely horrible. It's probably no coincidence that it was also a flying brain in a jar. I'm not even sure it was animated. Was it simply a monster they started to add the day before the game went gold and didn't have time to finish? So I'd say the idea for the technician was roughly as stupid as making, for instance, an evil quadraplegic... except Rise of the Triad actually pulled that off fairly successfully.
LMAO ROFL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...u actually belaeave i have that pos..man..i jus wanted on the mail bag..lol..adn if succeded..o well..sigh it was jus an idea at the time didnt think it would work..my actuall pc is a p3 1.4..actuallay 1.1 but oced..radeon 8500 and 512 meg of ram..soon to be a 2.5 and r9700... so as u cna probally tell i do not have a hard time playin q3..anyways i was jus reading one of ur mails about the guy who wanted to be made fun of..but he didnt give u nothing to work with as u said..so i figured u coudl work with a wut 10 yr old comp..lol..o and i hop yall got a kick out of that.. ;)
a madman: I tried assuming that everyone who wrote into the mailbag was a liar for a while, but it didn't really work out all that well. You see, this whole "tech support" thing is based on assuming that there is no limit to the stupidity of the person you're working with, and in this case we weren't far off. I will admit that it was nice almost having enough information to debug a problem for once, though, so I should have suspected some kind of cunning trap. And by "cunning" I mean "stupid."
Dire Hamster: Ok, sorry, but we really didn't have time to break out our mad ninja skills to sneak into your house to check on your computer setup. Plus I was loaning my kaginawa out to Icestorm that day anyway.
But it would be a shame to waste all those years spent meditating in a serene mountain temple, so I went ahead and worked breaking into your house into my busy schedule. Aside from rifling through your magazines, and rearranging your furniture, I left you a little something in your bed. Nope, not telling - wouldn't want to spoil the surprise.
From: "Johnny Gibson"
Subject: boy, do I have a question for you. =)_
Im building my first web page, its all about playing first person
shooters on my server and friends servers. It will have times that they will
be up what games will be hosted on the servers, mods and skins to download
from the my site that will be used on the servers, that sort of thing. So I
thought that I better ask the planet masters. I would have thought that you
would know with all the planet sites that you have. I really need some
graffics and icons from quake 3, Quake 3 team arena, unreal tornament,
unreal tornament 2003, Return to Castle Wolfinstien, half life and all the
various mods just to name a few, allthough I love these games to ity bity
pieces I so don't know what I could use on my site legally. And where I
would need to get permission if I have to, and better still where i would
get them from. i am trying to do the right thing I don't wish to disrespect
the game companies that made these and other wounderfull games by stealing
the pics off other web sites or ripping the icons out of the games
themselves. Could you help me I think that youre the only people that can..
Thanks for everything not just this but you have been a great source of help
for me and countless friends.
p.s. Can I use the planet" whatever game" site logo on my site for a direct
banner type link to your various sites.
Dire Hamster: Ok, that one kind of lost my attention somewhere around... uh... yeah. Somewhere.
Was it just me, or was that whole letter just one long run-on sentence. Well, anyway, I could easily imagine while I was reading it, some kid running up to me and reciting the entire thing in one long breath, tail wagging like a puppy the whole damned time. Or something. Anyway, since I can't be bothered to reread it, would you mind telling me what the hell he was talking about?
a madman: Hey, be nice. For once.
Let's see... well, legally you can't use any logo graphics, textures, etc from any of their stuff. However, there's precedent for simply putting something at the bottom of the page saying who owns the copyrights to the logos you used. Stealing graphics from another website, though, is bad.
Dire Hamster: Plus, the colors we use won't match your site.
a madman: To answer the other question, we do have a little link button to use for those who are so inclined.
Next: Tech support, and so much more