"Sure. Here, catch!" *foom*
Plus, throw a grapple in there and you're pretty well set.
Subject: Severed hands
Tisk Tisk madman, calling me a human like that in the last mailbag. How insulting, keep up the good work! As for not having hands, don't you know I type quite well with these birdfeet?
Now as for losing a hand, assuming you have hands here, I'd say you should replace it with a chainsaw. Sure, a lot of people might want a railgun instead, but let's think about this. First it's shades of Evil Dead so you can't go wrong there. Also with the chainsaw you have a much better chance of making a living in the logging industry, you DID want to be a lumberjack didn't you? Besides, you can always fire a railgun with the OTHER hand. Not to mention you'll be the life of any birthday party, although I wouldn't recommend trying to cut the cake. You might want to make sure it's detachable though. Going to sleep and having that baby accidentally start on you would be a Bad Thing(tm).
a madman: I'm not even going to touch this one. His therapist told me it would set back his progress by at least a few months. So instead, I'm going to let DH handle it.
Dire Hamster: Well, there's a fine line between insanity and genius, and there's only so far you can go into the realm of programing technobabble before the shit starts to make sense, and by that point, it's nothing but a one-way trip to insanity.
Not that I'm saying Phoenix is some kind of genius, or even that he knows how to program, but he's certainly managed to tap into an inexhaustable vein of pure ing craziness, and for that, he deserves some recognition, I think, or at the very least, a free lifetime supply of thorazine.
Anyway, as far as the chainsaw, it's certainly not a bad choice. Of course, the discriminating Chaotic Evil is probably going to want to go for the Hand of Vecna. I'm not really sure what I'd do with the ability to cast unhallow three times a day, but I could probably find a use for it somehow.
a madman: And for anyone out there actually got that last joke... you should be ashamed of yourself.
Subject: Y'all can get stuffed!
First of all... I can understand Robert Prus (since we've pretty much already determined that he's gay) preferring a madman and Dire Hamster on the Mailbag... but the rest of you picking two hicks from Idaho (or whatever) over boobies... well, you all disappoint me greatly. ;)
Anyway, as for the ?otW... I'd just replace my missing hand with one of Robert Prus'. He won't need his after I KILL HIM.
(Whom actually generated some decent Mailbag feedback this week, so you all can get stuffed!)
a madman:: This just goes to show, yet again, that while it may seem like a good idea to with Jube, underneath her brightly colored, seemingly good-natured exterior lies a cold-blooded killer. She's like a pinata filled with bees.
Dire Hamster: Nevertheless, I suppose we owe her something of a debt of gratitude. Compared to her hodge-podge of random synaptic firings practically anthing we do, regardless of how half-assed, seems like pure freakin' comedy gold in comparison.
Next: More mail to come!