Welcome to another edition of the PQ Mailbag! This week we've got a pretty mixed bag as far as the feedback goes. There's the usual tech support questions to answer, the typical tech support that no one could answer, and of course a good-sized assortment of questions man was not meant to ask. So if you're ready, let's begin this descent into the maelstrom of insanity that is the PQ Mailbag...
Not your typical genie-in-a-lamp scenario...
..but would you expect any less? In an unprecedented bout of frivolity, the most recent question of the week dealt with sombreros and magic lamps. Sombrero-related wishes? I never would have imagined we'd get any answers, much less several.
From: "Justin · phaitaccompli"
Subject: Question Of The Month
If a genie granted me 3 wishes related to sombrero's, they would be:
1. An endless supply of sombrero shaped Taco Bell burritos.
2. A cable internet connection that only works provided I wore the
3. A relationship with Penelope Cruz provided I wore the sombrero.
http://pherrous.phaitaccompli.com - Quake Maps
Dire Hamster: Is he still talking about the sombrero-shaped burrito? Because that sounds messy.
a madman: Doesn't sound like much of a problem to me. If he makes a mess, he's still got an infinite number more where it came from. But there's something about the thought of an infinite number of Taco Bell burritos that makes me want to curl up into a ball in the corner of my closet.
Dire Hamster: Besides which, none of those wishes really have anything at all to do with sombreros. I mean, if you're going to break the rules that way, why not ask for a Sombrero of Secrets Man Was Not Meant to Know? Or the Sombrero of the Covenant?
a madman: I know what you're thinking... it's not that covenant, though. Actually, it's the ancient covenant between man and squirrel. Though it's really more of a treaty... kind of like a woodlands NATO.
Dire Hamster: But of course, it still melts any Nazis that look at it. Good clean fun for the whole family.
Subject: Question of the Week
First off, i would turn Jube into a sombrero. That way she couldn't call me
gay. I'm as straigh as an arrow! Then, i would, i don't know, wish for a
shit loads of money. So that way, i could do all sort of weird things, like
buy baseball teams and make them wear dresses or play CTF instead of
baseball. Everybody knows CTF is better than baseball, especially with
grappling hooks and rocket launchers. Hey, those are two more things i can
do with lots of money: play with rocket launchers and swing like a monkey
with the use of a grappling hook! Thirdly, i would give myself the horrible
job of playtesting all of id softwares games. Oh, the agony! Getting my
grubby little hands on Doom 3 and Return of the Return to Castle Wolfenstein
or whatever else they're working on.
a madman: I don't know, I think "Escape from Castle Wolfenstein... again!" makes a much better name for a game. And yeah, sure wishing for loads of money sounds like a good idea at first. But you'll be singing a different tune once you notice that Jefferson is wearing a sombrero on all those $2 bills you wished for.
Thomas Jefferson is ready to par-tay!
But you know, once I'd gotten all my other wishes out of the way I think I'd wish that the Statue of Liberty were wearing a sombrero. What better way to welcome our Mexican friends to our great nation?
Dire Hamster: I'm pretty sure they usually enter through Texas. If any Mexicans were stupid enough to sail up our eastern seaboard and try to enter through Ellis Island, we probably shouldn't welcome them with open arms.
a madman: Wait a minute. Ellis Island isn't in Texas?
Dire Hamster: Nope.
a madman: You're shitting me! Next you'll be telling me Mexico isn't a part of Europe.
Dire Hamster: Actually...
a madman: What!? Damn you, American educational system! *shakes his fist in anger*
1) A sombrero. It's always useful.
2) A mariachi band. Mariachi music is damn cool, and they wear sombreros.
3) A sombrero that could take on Tokyo.
a madman: You know... I'm in awe of this answer. It's perfect. That's got to be the best use of sombrero-related wishes I've ever seen.
Dire Hamster: I'm still amazed no one asked for a razor-sharp sombero that chopped heads off. I know that one would be at the top of my list.
a madman: Well, I suppose if you're going to wish for a hat you might as well wish for the Cadillac of somberos, instead of the Honda Civic. But a sombrero that could destroy Tokyo... that's like the Rolls Royce of headgear.
Dire Hamster: True dat.
Next: More mail, but no more funny hats