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    PQ | Features | Mailbag | Nov 19, 1999
   

PQ Mailbag
Week of: 11/19/99

Billy-Spyke's House of Sporks and Letters

Now that we're done with the heavy stuff, let's see what else is on our readers' minds, assuming they possess brains! Hrm.. they appear to be trying to contact me for some reason.

From: The Matrix
Subject: Gib

Dear PlanetQuake:
I have this annoying friend that believes that "Gib" is pronounced with a G and not a J. I tried to reason with him that it is in fact pronounced with a J, so it would sound like "Jib". Help put an end to his annoying whining and tell us what the accepted pronounciation of the word "Gib" is.
~The Alpha Matrix

PS: If by chance I'm wrong, send me a letter lying like you've never lied before. I would never hear the end of it from him. Thanks again.

Now, I know this is a sensitive subject. For years I pronounced gib like it was one of the Bee Gees. However, I was shown the error of my ways some time ago, and now pronounce it correctly. Just let your friend know that he is wrong, cause Carmack and Romero say so, and he should ease into pronouncing it the right way. Either that, or have him e-mail Mynx.

Hellchick: Yep, gotta back Spyke up on this. While Lowtax and I were at the Q3:A bus stop in La Mesa, Paul Steed informed us while brandishing sharp instruments that it was pronounced "jib", not "gib", and that since Romero invented the term, well, that's where the argument ends. And besides, we want to see your life made miserable by your friend anyway.

From: Ron Mongeon
Subject: Quake 3 Arena Question

How do I make or obtain a CTF map for Q3A? I see them all over the net and wanna learn to play and create my own. Can you help a newbie Please?

Well, Ron, I believe you're out of luck right now. If you see CTF maps for Quake 3 Arena, you're either carousing with some less-than-legitimate map makers, breaking the Q3Test/Demo EULA, or you're hallucinating. You can't make maps for Q3A yet, because it, and Q3Radiant, the level editor, haven't been released yet!

Hellchick: I vote that he's on drugs and hallucinating.

From: Elaine Jones
Subject: Feedback.

Seriously though, what is wrong with you people?
Have you seen a psychiatrist about this?


No, I haven't, and I'll thank you not to make fun. I think the question is, what's wrong with you??


Hellchick: I saw a psychiatrist once about this. He told me to go home and never disgrace his office with talk of sheep and nail trimmers again. I think I saw him seeing a colleague after that.

From: Jason Crump
Subject: Hello

hi. i am very interested in making my own quake models. im sneaking on my computer right now because i am grounded, but i am hopping that you will return this soon with an answer. As soon as i get my computer back i am hopping on making models. there is a problem. i dont know where to get the program to do it, and i dont know which to get. i would appretiat it if you could help me. thank you for your time.

Sneaking onto your computer! Bad Jason! Give us money, or we'll tell your parents. As for your question, there's a few programs you can use to make models for the Quake series. IF you want to use what the pros use, you'll have to get 3D Studio Max, which is what id modelling god Paul Steed uses. Unfortunately, that costs quite a bit of money, and (don't ask us why), we're assuming you don't have a lot of that. But don't worry, you don't have to pirate it! If you look around (and the best way to look around is with GameSpyder), you'll find a few good freeware programs that can model for the Quake series quite sufficiently. Good luck!

Hellchick: Quit sneaking onto your computer or I'll tell your mom you're making nude skins of Spyke.

Why Can't We Just Go "Home"?

I guess a few of these "reader" people are concerned that they can't readily get "home" to the front page of PQ from within an article. Hear their opinions, and praise them as your new gods!

From: Dr. |V|0lybd3nu|V|
Subject: Where is the 3|33t circle?

Yo, this is M0lybd3num. Once, I was reading a PQ mailbag, and when I finished the page, I decided to go back to the PQ homepage. I then recalled that PQ had this 3L33t circle next to the word "PlanetQuake" at the top that had its click event bound to the homepage. I scrolled back up, eager to use it, but the k-r4d circle wasn't there! Please bring the circle back! I simply cannot live without it! Bleaurrgh! Dr. M0lybd3num Programmer/Analyst by Day, Full Contact Origami Champion by Night "Bring the l33t circle back, or 3y3 will h4x0r your ascii pr0n!"

Hellchick: The circle has been haX0r3d by Jeff K. He's demanding that we pay a modest ransom of a case of Cheez-Pufs and the l33t tin-box version of Q3:A.

From: Andrew
Subject: What in the world happened to the Home button?

Usually you have little features that are at least 2 pages long... and there used to be a little button up in the right hand corner... now it's gone.. why?

Do i need to use the back feature through all 2-5 pages? thats silly. you guys keep removing things from that corner.. first it was the handy pull down hosted sites menu.. then the handy directory button with the home link... now there isn't even a home link!

Hellchick: The next thing we'll be removing is any trace of your existence. Please remain in your home for the next ten minutes, please. Oh, and don't use the phone, under any circumstances.

From: Michael Terry
Subject: Concern over lack of a "Home" link

Hello.

I was perusing your latest mailbag (http://www.planetquake.com/mailbag/mail991112_1.shtm) and noticed when I was done that there was no "Home" link on the page, allowing me to go straight back to http://www.planetquake.com. Instead, my only option was to press the back button 3-4 times to get back. Well, not only option, because I could re-enter the address in my address/location bar or click on the bookmark again (of course, PQ's bookmarked! ;). But, those are hardly more convienent than a nice, clean, one-click solution that would be oh-so-easy to implement.

To make a long story short, I think it would be to the public's great advantage to include a link back to PQ HQ on all of PQ's pages. Often, I'll find myself embroiled deep within the maze of web pages that is PlanetQuake and I find myself wondering "How do I get out? There must be a way! For the love of God, Montresor!" :)

- Stalker

P.S. - If there is a home link and I'm totally missing it and over-reacting, please tell me where it is. However, if that's the case, perhaps you should make it more visible, so that any idiot (me) can find it.

P.P.S - The Montresor remark was a reference to an Edgar Allan Poe story, the "Cask of Amontillado." Just lettin' ya know that it wasn't completely random. :)

Well, I happen to agree with y'all that there should be a home link. Let's ask Site Director Hellchick about that, shall we? I'm glad to see that "Stalker" (scary nick, dude) is the intelligent one out of the bunch, because he reads the mailbag and Edgar Allan Poe! The Cask of Amontillado is m4d l33t, and Poe has k-r4d sk!llz, d00d.

Hellchick: The "home" link - while I can't divulge the full details yet, PQ will be getting a bit of a makeover in the near future. In the new look, we're going to make finding the homepage again a game. We'll put the circle on various random pages, maybe even in the middle of an article, and when you click on it, you'll either be taken home or to one of various pr0n sites that you then have to fight your way out of. Wait a minute, that's not going to work...

Miscellaneous Crud

What does it say right above this line? Do I even need to tell you what's going to be in this section? I didn't think so. Now move along, 'fore I have to break out Ol' Betsy.

Hellchick: Don't make him do it, folks. I've see her. *shudder*

From: (address deleted)
Subject: (no subject)

i dont understand it your ste says it has quake 3 modles but it does not please email me some quke 3 models

We have Quake 3 models now? Well gee willikers, I wish someone would have told me.. especially since you can't make models for Quake 3 yet, as it hasn't been released, and any other models won't work in the Demo or Test right now.. I guess we just exist in the future.

Hellchick: It's a science project of mine. It's actually the year 2031 and Yanni has been cryogenically frozen and re-born, and he's now the President of the Whole World.

From: Ding
Subject: Mailbag

"Read it, or Pikachu gets it."

I don't think that would convince that many people to read the mailbag...

Okay, I've recieved several e-mails about this, so it's time to rant. First off, it wasn't trying to convince people to read the mailbag, it was trying to convince people to read PQ in Review, so you must have mixed up the two wonderful features that I write. Second, why do so many people hate Pikachu?? He's so cute, and he says "PIKA!!" and "CHUUUUUU!!", which is enough for me. What has he ever done to you? Why must you hate him so? Why?

Hellchick: Uhh, we apologize for the previous outburst of our mailbag author and hope to have the problem rectified shortly. After the judicious application of lithium.

From: NAC E-Mail
Subject: Q3 song

I wrote a little song for Quake 3! Oh joy!

Take me out to the Deathmatch!
Take me out to the Quake!
Make me some Giblets with Quad Damage
I do swear that I'll never get Fragged
For it's Root! Root! Root! for the Home Clan
If they don't win they must suck!
For it's One Two Three Frags you're out at the old Deathmatch!!!!

P.S. I think FilePlanet's down

I think this speaks for itself. You have too much time, my friend. Well, at least you didn't change The Rime of the Ancient Mariner to be all about Quake, that would be pathetic. On a related note, I've developed alternate lyrics to the Beastie Boys' "Three MC's and One DJ" to be all about John Carmack. It is now titled "C-A-R-M-A-C-K". I'll be posting them soon. And no, FilePlanet isn't down, what the hell are you talking about?


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