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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx

Who is Mynx? She's a goddess, a gamer, and a mystery. And we're lucky enough to have her here at PQ as our resident advice expert. If you have a problem that needs some help, and you've asked everyone including your dog for advice that hasn't helped, then give Mynx a try.

  • Closing Time.   08/02/2001
    This Week: All good things must come to an end.

  • Waterslides for Jesus!!   07/26/2001
    This Week: Obnoxious donkeyholes, what happens when you don't know your girlfriend's name, what constitutes loss of virginity, learn how to shave, loving mynx, and a big stinky poop of an Embarrassment Spotlight! Gotcher hash pipe?

  • I know you know that I know   07/19/2001
    This Week: A guy going bald, the hardy har hard morning wood, what to do when wanking ruins your life, what girls think about wanking, do orgasms hurt, some girl is a freak, and what to do about a sore yonii. The Embarrassment Spotlight is BACK, baybee.. and in fitting with this week's column, the ES is all about WANKING!

  • Nubblywhomper   06/28/2001
    This Week: Blaming entertainment for soceity's woes, nipples nipples nipples, holding out for twue yove, getting your freak on during camp and carrying it over into Real Life, a question of boners, and the return of the ES. More, more, more!

  • I like dongs.   06/21/2001
    This Week: OOOOOH, I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weeeeenor......

  • Boobies of Fortune!   06/14/2001
    This Week: Outgrowing Mynx, foresaking all others, finding a chick to listen to you bitch, paying to get your groove on, and virginity specifics. Rump rump rump!

  • Chikin In A Biskit   06/07/2001
    This Week: What are you supposed to do with the sausage casing after you've made the meat, when to tell a chick her dude is a dud, kissing a female _stinger, just what DO chicks want in a guy, and is it okay to gangbang a girlgeek at a lan party? Admit it, you can't get enough.

  • Rock Me Gently   05/31/2001
    This Week: The thrill of her hunt, how to get man buttlove, deciding when to ride bareback, breaking up with a persistent geek, and why nerds rule. Shake that booty, baby!

  • Chitty chitty bang bang!   05/17/2001
    This Week: Yadda yadda

  • Mmm, Mayo!   05/10/2001
    This Week: How to get a girl, name that penis problem, where to go to dress like a geek, getting reamed by a friend, sucking at Q3A, and the whole Mynx/goat thing. Pass the Mayo!

  • Boobiejuice   05/03/2001
    This Week: No teeth on the wookie!  Mansechs, wifely condoms, EverQuest sucks, and is breastmilk yummy?  Love, love me do.

  • Winkiesock!   04/26/2001
    This Week: What girls like about cars, talking to your honeybunny aobut nookie rot, the joy of mouth love, goo from the girlhole, wear and tear from lovin, and a small tinkertoy. Salut!

  • Schnerkenhopper   04/19/2001
    This Week: Peeeeeeeeeeeeeenis, penis buttah! Peeeeeeeeeeeeenis, penis buttah... JELLY!

  • We Love Penises!   04/12/2001
    This Week: It is all about love! It is all about nookie! And, yes, we love penises!

  • Schnerkenhopper   04/19/2001
    This Week:  Peeeeeeeeeeeeeenis, penis buttah!  Peeeeeeeeeeeeenis, penis buttah... JELLY!

  • We Love Penises!   04/12/2001
    This Week:  It is all about love!  It is all about nookie!  And, yes, we love penises!

    This Week:  Why girls ignore geeks, what Mynx thinks about guys who wax their schnarkers, what Mynx thinks about the "M" word, and John Romero faces down Levelord in a greased hog competition.  SOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!

  • Porkenshnerker!   03/28/2001
    This Week:  Lots of dicks, this week!  What could be finer?!

  • My love for you is like a truck!   03/22/2001
    This Week:  Yay!  You people really are sick and twisted.  I love it!

  • DO NOT STRAIN!!   03/08/2001
    This Week:  Back, by popular demand: an all new Dear efnet #quake!

  • sofa king we taut it!!   03/01/2001
    This Week:  All your birthdays are belong to us!  Tis the month of March, which means Dear Mynx turns FOUR YEARS OLD!  That's a long damn time, and a boat load of neurotic, freaky gamers.  Thanks, guys, for a great four years.  This column would be nothing without you, my loyal readers and contributors.

  • fRy Knows Dick!   02/22/2001
    This Week:  Rats, and rat love.  Confusing chicks and the messages they encode, gay Chinese guys who want Paul Steed, and checking in on condom sizes.  All this and more, brought to you by.. well, me!

  • Happy Valentine's Day!   02/14/2001
    This Week: What to do with a latex allergy, some guy with soaking wet hands, getting randy playing Quake, how to tell if a girl is a virgin, and soft silky pubic hair.  So are the days of our lives.

  • Joo Say Its Your Birthday?!   02/08/2001
    This Week: It's mah birthday, it's mah birthday!!  Ok, so, not for a few more days, but I can celebrate all week, if I wanna!  Thus, here are some of my favorite questions from various guest hosts who have dropped by, over the years.  Have some cake! 

  • Wang   02/01/2001
    This Week:  Just what IS it about those gay folks, tell me a tale of a penis, Mynx's juju, what to do about stiffies, and penis names, what happens when you don't have tits, and bisexual chicks.  Give it to me baby, uh huh uh huh!

  • MENTOS   01/25/2001
    This Week:  Losing the deathmatch magic, finding love when you are a hardcore gamer, popping zits, how to be a boyfriend, God sex, lesbians and boobies, and the way men pee.  MENTOS.  The freshmaker. 

  • Dear Gabriel!   01/18/2001
    This Week:  Wang.  WANG, I SAY!  That's right kids, first we had Dear Tycho, now we liven up the booty with Dear Gabriel!  Oh baybee, how I love those honey bunches of Penny Arcade goodness!! 

  • Dong   01/04/2001
    This Week:  Redheads and the colors of grassy knolls, Mynx's boobs (honest!), the hows and the whys of missile attacking a pregnant gal, the proper appearance of pee pee goo, girls suck, falling in love, and a mynx/rodent/quake fantasy.  I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

  • Feedbaq   12/28/2000
    This Week:  Feedbaq!

  • Dear Tycho   12/21/2000
    This Week:  Yay!  Hop on up for a nice steaming plateful of Dear Tycho!  Yes, kids, that's right - Penny Arcade's very own Tycho Brahe dishes out sage, wise advice.  Christmas comes early this year!

  • Ichabod.   12/07/2000
    This Week:  Porn addict seeks help, a guy with a girl who wants to be the wife, a guy that's a guy who wants to be a girl but then a guy, and the odds of giving yourself an STD.  Can I get a Amen?! 

  • Harder! More!   11/30/2000
    This Week:  Stiff boys (oooh!), boys in Speedos (ooh la la!), the dish on The Pill, and slimy Q3A model love.  Such dirty minds.  I love you all.

  • bai wanks with tobasco   11/16/2000
    This Week:  Lookin fo yub in all the wrong places, considering a vibrator, what attracts chicks to geeks, and a girl distressed over her geek's wanking habits.  Hi C4!!!!!!!

  • Welcome to Jackass   11/09/2000
    This Week:  hi.

  • Dear Ass   11/02/2000
    This Week:  Efnet #quake does Dear Mynx!  This week I open the floodgates and offer up your questions to the folks that made me what I am today (so blame them)!

  • Bend Over   10/26/2000
    This Week:  A nerdy guy who wanks to pixels, a winkie in a tight turtleneck, a gal who really (really) needs to be restrained, an ode to booty, and a call for Curvy.  You got some sick friends.  Limber, though.

  • Pween    10/12/2000
    This Week:  More beer, please.

  • The Holiest of Holeys    10/05/2000
    This Week:  I'm back, and I'm bad bad bad!  Here we let the tongue do the good work, a guy with a bumpy groin, another guy with a different kind of bumpy groin, someone who wants to get his snack on with Mommy, and I take the time to explain the female anatomy to a cloobie.  Didja miss me?!  Huh huh didja?!

  • Dear KillCreek    09/28/2000
    This Week: Stevie "KillCreek" Case of Ion Storm delivers the advice action!

  • Hogmeat    08/31/2000
    This Week: Net.Girls pretty much just suck, a quake geek with a darn dandy sized winkie, nose volcanoes, and a kink in the neck of spooge.  I need a drink.

  • Stinky Booty    08/24/2000
    This Week: How to deal with a girl who sleeps with.. well, everyone; Why girls suck if you're a nice old regular joe, girls with fartypants, and a poor guy with a really smelly butt.  And you thought you had problems.

  • Sauce My Taquito!    08/17/2000
    This Week: How to go about measuring your wookie, net.chicks in love, just how inadequate are you if your banana goes soft after peeling, and net.guys in love, who love me (yay!).  It's enough to make you moan.

  • Extra Giant Porn Buttcracks!    07/27/2000
    This Week: Want honorable virgins? Girls asking about trimming the bush and how to please a man?  A guy who gave a beauty pagent gal an STD? Three gaming girls who talk about self love?  Hellchick losing her virginity?  YES!  We've got it all in this edition of Dear Mynx... oh, if only this column were edible!

  • DonkeySchlong!    07/20/2000
    This Week: Do teenage lovers have a real chance at saying I do?  What do you do if your penis is 9 inches long and your girlfriend's a virgin?  Some guy wanks while his 12 year old sister takes in an eyeful, another guy has a bad case of the zit monster, and some dude can't figure out what to do with the spoo.  It's another action packed edition of Dear Mynx, complete with Graeme Devine's romp with robobabes.  God, it's so good to be back! 

  • I'm Baaaaaaaack!    07/13/2000
    This Week: I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK.  Back in the saddle agaaaaain!  Woo hah.  That's right, kiddos, I popped out my little potato and lived to tell the tale and now I'm back, bolder and badder and crankier than ever.  There's even a new little fun "feature", sure to provide some entertainment in the weeks to come.  Strip down, settle in, and hold on.  Boing!

  • Dear Mynx bot    07/06/2000
    This Week: Gaping body cavities and the difficulties they present, forbidden love, rocket troubles, and a slightly disturbing embarrassment spotlight.  

  • Dear Xian    06/22/2000
    This Week: Guest hosting continues, now with big rippled chunks of Xian. It wasn't that long ago that Xian, the artist formerly known as Disruptor, and I were just little efnet peons in #doom and #quake. Oh, how time flies. *sniffle*. He's all grown up now, and answering your angst, covering everything from prostitutes to your mom to penis enlargement. And he did it all amidst the horrible id network/move issues. Xian, you rock my hooters.

  • Dear Graeme    06/08/2000
    This Week: Guest hosting continues, now with new, improved, honey crunches of Graeme Devine! Check out what the ole Graemester has to say about girls, good sex, Quake fetishes, tiny penises, and Mynx vs. Hellchick in jello. Graeme rules.

  • Dear Steed    05/25/2000
    This Week: With your fearless Mynxtress on maternity leave, Super Steed steps in and grabs the.. uh, bull by the horn(s), so to speak. Read what our favorite artist-type dude has to say about gay lovin, reality, the quest for nookie, what turns women on, and how to avoid eating sperm. It's all so wet and slippery, you know?

  • Winkies!!    05/18/2000
    This Week: Do women want length or width? What's a normal winkie DO when it gets all atwitter? Some guy is obsessed with id and doesn't deal well with change, and some other guy has some.. well, "issues" with my smutty columns. Tsk tsk.

  • Tall Glass O' Pee    05/11/2000
    This Week: Condom acrobatics, will too much yanking cause a crook in the chook? Just how gross is it to want to taste pee? Girls that want to boink while you play Quake (I still don't see the problem with this), and a reader questions Mynx on Killcreek's boobs. All sorts of chewy goodness.

  • Who Stole My Batteries?!    05/04/2000
    This Week: Sharing vibrators with your parents, getting great big stiffies from Q3A (and don't we all!), wondering if fisting the mister actually good for you, getting over the fear of having your manfish snorkled, and find out why KillCreek won't be in Playboy magazine afterall. You heard it here first.

  • Pork: The Other White Meat    04/27/2000
    This Week: You guys can't seem to stop begging for help when it comes to your wee little winkies, so, okay, I give! Here is your all-penis masturbatory issue. Read it and.. weep, or something. Too many of you like to tell me about wanking. It's kind of disturbing. On an entirely separate (and perhaps unfortunate that he got stuck in this edition ;) note, check out the little supergeek. Can you guess who?

  • Loogies    04/20/2000
    This Week: Wanking to ex girlfriend pron, homosechual experimentation, some guy who wants to know how to grease his hog, and another guy asking mynx just about everything he can think of. Oh, and check out the little tushie on this week's Geek... nice dimples!

  • Walking Sperm Bank    04/13/2000
    This Week:  The trouble with freakin nutcase ex girlfriends, having half your penis hacked off just because you might have the chance to sail the tuna boat to the fish factory, nerds who give up life for Quake, an interesting plea for homosexual id love, and a girly geek who was way stylin for the early 80s.

  • Mandinglers    04/06/2000
    This Week:  The cost of loving someone who loves their homeland, some guy turns to Mynx for help on getting his girlfriend to shave the beast, a poor college boy and his small penis are suddenly the talk of the dorm, and another dude whose girlfriend has a radioactive crotch.  All this and more... no wonder you love me.  Don't forget to check out the answer to last week's geek, as well as our current little cutey...

  • Mommy's Pantyhose    03/30/2000
    This Week: Girlie girls who talk smack about caq, festering, oozing butt acne (anyone hungry?), learning how to kiss, Mynx style, and a request to smell and sleep in Mynx's unwashed bedthings. Sometimes you pokers really freak me out. Oh, and check out the new Geek of the Week - this one defies gravity.

  • Guykatana    03/23/2000
    This Week: Having the crew over for a good old fashioned circlejerk, another drugs are bad mynx service announcement, making your way from an ICQ fling to real life buttsmacking, and getting a girl's opinion on boners. You gotta love boner questions. Oh, and check out this week's installment of Guess the Geek... you'd never know an afro was lurking under that bowlcut!

  • What's that Smell?!    03/16/2000
    This Week:  Having no life and lusting after bots, loving, touching, caressing your mudflaps, checking out the wanking angle with a mirror, and some guy sniffing glue and writing about Carmack and Cash. Check out the leather belt on that bad boy!

  • Retro-Mynx    03/09/2000
    This Week:  Mynx prepares a brand-spankin' new (ow) column for next week, so while she gets it ready, we treat you to a retrospective Mynx: sexin' up the developers! They must be sexier than the average geek, judging by how many letters Mynx gets on that hunk o' burnin' love, John Romero. So enjoy, and slaver with anticipation for next week's column.

  • Double bunking    03/02/2000
    This Week:  Does it hurt the first time the tuna boat goes to the fish factory?  Can you ever go on if your mom catches you punching the munchkin?  Who has the bigger penis, Redwood or Blue?  Are you gay if you wanna be Mynx?  A special double bunking Embarrassment Spotlight.  We've got something new coming to Dear Mynx, keep your crotchless panties on...

  • Come Get Some    02/24/2000
    This Week: Girls with boy friends and boyfriends that hate 'em, sexing up Romero (no really), the smell of carp, judging the need for viagra (unf unf), and a plea for Mynx's panties. You people are twisted.

  • Get off me cheese!    02/17/2000
    This Week: Which mynx came first, what's it like to trade wives, should you be gay in a Quake clan? Sex dreams, more questions on mowing the short n curlies, and a cute little Valentine's Day Embarrassment Spotlight. Hope you buttmonkeys had a nice greasy naked heart day.

  • Happy Birthday To Meeeee    02/10/2000
    This Week: It's my birthday! Well, ok, so not till Saturday, but, hey, on Saturday, it's my birthday!  So, to celebrate (?) I've decided to share with you, my loving and well lubricated readers, the feedback I've received lately.  You love me, you hate me, you want to suck my toes.  And I love every minute of it.  Thanks for reading and contributing.  You guys keep this big greasy wheel turning.

  • Spiral Hogmeat    02/03/2000
    This Week:  Male pubic hair scultping and why you should do it, a guy that sounds like a girl even though he's post puberty, a penis with a great big nasty mole on it, some reknob wants a Mynx and Hellchick sandwich, and a question about Killcreek's nudies.  Doesn't it just make you want to lather up in mayonnaise and eat a carrot??

  • Murfburgers    01/27/2000
    This Week:  Rubbers, toe jam, unrequited lesbian love, and dark penises.  Does it get any better than this?  Don't miss the poop puddle Embarrassment, either - there's one I know I'm aways terrified of!.

  • Lovelashing    01/20/200
    This Week:  Will yanking on your donky make it smaller or larger?  Is Quake one giant chick deterrent?  How can you deal with Pubes of Death, how can you get your girlfriend naked for Quake, and can chicks love men who like to crossdress?  Oh, and a charming letter about Mynx's posterior.  Touch it, love it.

  • Monkey Grinders    01/12/200
    This Week:  He digs chicks, but guys hit on him anyway. Does mynx give boot and crop lessons?  A total gaming GOD and his weenie funds, and some dude loves John Romero.  No, really.  Oh, and a really... messy Embarrassment Spotlight.  Woo.

  • Salamandering    01/06/2000
    This Week:  Chicks with extracurricular fantasy lives, evil net.chicks and the men who love them, premature rocket launching, Quake as a bad influence, wondering if girls like woodies, and a, uh, rather painful sort of Embarrassment Spotlight.  You kids should know by now just NOT to go putting things in there!

  • Puking Pickles    12/30/1999
    This Week:  Paul Steed's physical abilities, what to do when you've got two to play with, help for a poor little lad who can't make the twinkie goo, loving your cousins and Mynx, naked.  Oh, and a canine embarrassment spotlight.  Is this a trend?  See you all next week, if we don't fall off the face of the earth.

  • Hosebeasts     12/23/1999
    This Week: How do you like your penis served?  Why do net.geeks in love act the freakass way that they do?  What would happen if the Real World found out about Mynx, why do chicks suck, and a crackhead loves me.  Doesn't it just give you the warm fuzzies?  Merry Christmas, boys and girls.  Hope you get your stockings stuffed.

  • An All-Penis Issue!     12/16/1999
    This Week: YES!! It's the all penis issue! Penis, penis, penis, dicks everywhere! Woo hoo and yoo hoo and ho ho ho! Dicks, they are indeed.

  • Spoo    12/09/1999
    This Week: Do you really get zits from stroking the one eyed pinky puker?! What do you do when you find out that twizzlers makes more than mouthes happy? How do you wank if your hand hurts? A reader loves Paul Steed, another reader asks a nice multi part question regarding everything you ever wanted to know about girls and sperm, and a reader shares his pubic hair with the world. Shalom.

  • Donkey Dong    12/02/1999
    This Week: Learning how to stroke your poker, how to tell your parents you're engaged to be married to Super Schlong, what to do when no girl on earth will date you, some guy wonders about Graeme Devine's penis, talking about focusing sex on chicks, and a stinky floater of an embarrassment spotlight. Alright, who hid the batteries?

  • Blood Red, Baby    11/25/1999
    Does wanking hurt your chances of academic success? Just how small is too small when we're talking gobblers? Where does Mynx come up with all of this junk, and just who does she turn to for advice? Is it okay for a 19 year old to hide the hedgehog in a 14 year old... and some guy wastes baby batter on the Q3A Mynx model, even though Mynx never really wears pink lipstick. Oh, and we even have a playground penis story in this week's Embarrassment Spotlight. Happy Thanksgiving, USA folk. Try not to contaminate the turkey with bodily fluid.

  • Do You Swallow?    11/18/1999
    Nerd stiffies, worrying about clansechs, cool penises and the women who love everything about them, loving a bisexual chick, worrying about an underdeveloped penis, and Ravensoft's Jake Simpson shares his Embarrassment Spotlight... Open up and say aaaaaaah!

  • "Twig and Berries"   11/10/1999
    Uncooperative winkies, Mynx's stinky feet, some guy utterly enthralled with the Shambler, Quake for love and comfort, and Big Gay Al stops by to wish for Paul Steed. Sort of makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

  • "Chodesmoker"   9/30/1999
    Roommate caught smelling smeared toilet paper (yoink), conquering your fear of spiders, playing hide the sausage with your Dad's co-worker, seeking an inhalable arouser, freakshow, and a spewing Embarrassment Spotlight. If I didn't have morning sickness already, you reknobs would make me spew.

  • "The Suck"   9/23/1999
    Living a sucky life in high school, falling in love with your one night stand, learning to wield the power of the tongue, rubbing force feedback in your panties, smelling vagina and an embarrassment spotlight that will leave you clutching your bunghole protectively. If your mom sees your anus once you're out of diapers, you know you're bound for some trouble.

  • Breasts Are Our Friends   9/9/1999
    Colorful testicles, a poor young teenager worried about breasts in his computer games(!), wondering yet again if girls really play single player, rubbing your stubby dry, what do hooters feel like, and an Embarrassment that brings a whole new meaning to phone sex. I'm pretty fly for a white gal.

  • Grande que destella erecci?!   9/2/1999
    When the stub plays dead, your dad likes dude pron, and your girlfriend has no idea what's in your pants. Teenage girls who shave the mouse, some guy and his wife and their as-yet-unknown sex chick, and one of the Shackmonkeys gets caught, literally, in Victoria's Secret in this week's Embarrassment Spotlight. More fun than a steedchick in a vat of mayonnaise!

  • Hock a Loogie   8/26/1999
    Lowtax, aka Senor Jose Sweetcheeks, a poor young man with a hairy stump, some guy who just isn't all that interested in sex (say it ain't so!), a spitshine on the man steak, and a really yucky Embarrassment Spotlight courtesy of RadPipe, and his nose.  Anybody got a kleenex?

  • Peehole!   8/19/1999
    Another really hairy dude, some random llama getting chubbies for Duke, sticks and stones breaking peeholes, sex roleplaying with Carmack and sCary, the current Steed fad, and an Embarrasment Spotlight by yours truly.  This one transcends embarrassment and creeps into traumatic stress syndrome.  Enjoy it, it about killed me.   Oh, and after you read this, go enter my drawing, cuz it ends today.

  • Puffers!   8/12/1999
    Geeks with two foot long girl hair, the burning question: do girls poop? Smoking while you frag frag frag, great big gigantic testicles of power, plucking horny hair while thinking about Quake, and an Embarrassment Spotlight that illustrates the motto, always be prepared. Really super prepared. Oh, and after you read this, go enter my drawing, you freaks.

  • QuakeCon   8/05/1999
    QuakeCon.  Casual sex at QuakeCon.  Some chick in love with a geek at QuakeCon.  A QuakeCon virgin afraid to go, a QuakeCon id stalker wants to meet the men behind the game, QuakeCon and drunken freaks, wanking at QuakeCon, and would mynx let Mental4 go to QuakeCon??

  • Holy Buttstubble, Batman!   7/29/1999
    Settling into a relationship, stinky femfarts, shaving a hairy hide, a straight man in a bellybutton ring and nailpolish, blah blah Paul Steed blah blah, and a pop-spoogey Embarrassment Spotlight.   It makes me glad I'm double-jointed, y'know?

  • Milky Mandingo   7/15/1999
    Cartoon love, a bald hot-dog and beans, geeks vs. "real men" and the women that love them, overcoming a fear of peeing in public, when the pupil becomes the master, the beast that lives in Lowtax's pants, and a really disgusting Embarrassment Spotlight. Boom chaka laka.

  • Summer Sausage   6/30/1999
    Taking a bite out of love, cutting off ciruclation with a manglove, living with a stupid haircut for the love of a good woman, aliens baking bread in the underpants of women around the world, another connection (aww, how sweet!), and an interesting peek into the depths of the Quake community's bathroom habits. It doesn't get much stranger than this. Are you guys medicated for these problems or what?

  • Hairy Turtle   6/30/1999
    A girlfriend, a strap-on, and a few questions. An Irish lass looks for love in American places, some guy plagued with violent outbursts questions the Quake connection, a worried girlfriend writes in with a concern about her lover's penile slant, an oinking computer nerd with wife trouble, and a disgustingly gooey Embarrassment Spotlight, courtesy of a "former Ion employee" who remains nameless. Anybody got a Kleenex?

  • Dear Romero!   6/09/1999
    Dear John Romero!! I've handed over the leash, er, reins to the Daikatana man himself, where he tackles such pressing issues as the "let's just be friends" excuse, a three-testicled Quake player seeking reassurance, small schmekkies and lack of body hair, some poor dork in love with Kornelia, how to avoid throwing temper tantrums when you lose a deathmatch, and... oh ye of little faith... it can be achieved! You too can have hair like John Romero! In this Dear Mynx exclusive, John reveals his ten step program for healthy, shiny hair. Strip down, grease up, and wallow around with Dear John!

  • Rerun!   2/11/1999
    Since good things "come" to those who wait, you freaky punks are getting a good old fashioned rerun this week, the special all-embarrassment column from way back when. Why, you ask? I can't bear to part with the awesome questions I've received, so I'm spending this week hoarding the funkiest of questions, because next week's column will bring you something new and, dare I say it, exciting. Arousing? You'll just have to wait and see.

  • "Don't Eat Me!!"   5/27/1999
    Wank, wank, wanking the day away in odd places, a guy that is addicted to girlie (literally) mags, Mynx gives a lesson on how to kiss like a pro, a poor lad with dragon breath seeks help, Carmack visits a lucky soul in dreamland (and brings pet snakes!) and a stretchy embarrassment spotlight that has all the classic players: Lovers, mothers, and condoms. Bouncy bouncy!!

  • Backdoor   5/13/1999
    This Week: What to do with a gay Quake player ("not that there's anything wrong with that.."), self love as witnessed by a sibling, Quake apathy because of a chick, hot and sweaty Quake, and some guy writes in about his backdoor wife love. Quake 3 is out - quit pestering me.

  • Big Giant Wookie   4/29/1999
    This Week: Hooboy. I downshift into a glossary one week and all the hosebeasts come slurping out of the woodwork. Where do you people come from?! Grab your bottle of Mylanta, a nice big spoon, and burrow in for a glimpse at how the other half lives. Yeap, just when you thought it was safe... some guy is in love with a lesbian, another guy has a great big giant wookie, then there's the dude with the poo fetish, a Quake battle over a woman, and the weekly foreskin guy. What would we do without weekly foreskin guys?! And wrapping the whole thing up with a small show of good taste is id software's Graeme Devine, who shared his teenage embarrassing moment with us in the midst of the q3test releases. Graeme rules.

  • Mynxisms   4/22/1999
    This Week: Many of you have commented on my, er, creative terms, usually for things relating to sex, and asked how and why I come up with such things. It all started back in the day when I was a newbie advice columnist, and needed "other" ways to say things that might not normally be so okay to say. Thus, the Mynxisms were born. Many are my own, many I've picked up along the way. You asked for it, and who am I to deny my loving public? So, by popular demand, the glossary of Mynxisms! Enjoy!

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