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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Summer Sausage
   

THIS WEEK: Taking a bite out of love, cutting off ciruclation with a manglove, living with a stupid haircut for the love of a good woman, aliens baking bread in the underpants of women around the world, another net.love connection (aww, how sweet!), and an interesting peek into the depths of the Quake community's bathroom habits.  It doesn't get much stranger than this.  Are you guys medicated for these problems or what?

  Chomp.
I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world...I've never been closer to anyone in my entire life. I'm so happy ;-)

But she's got a quirk that I was wondering was common or not...she has a real thing about biting. We'll be sitting/lying doing nothing, and she'll ask the inevitable question...."Can I bite you?". It never turns out to be anything painful, I'm actually liking it a little. Now I have a real thing about biting. I was just wondering, is this common (if we both like it, who cares though..)?  

          -Twice Shy

Well, common, yes and no.  Back before our ancestors decided to stop braiding their asshair and swing down out of the trees, biting played quite an active role in the humpitty humpitty hula.   If you observe some present day animals in their natural habitats you will continue to see biting as part of the love act.   In humans, this is not as common, but still well within the bounds of normal as long as nobody is bleeding or screaming in pain.  A little love nip here, some gnashing there can only be described as fun.  I personally can understand your girlfriend.  Every so often I'll look at Mental and just... walk up and bite him, I can't help it.   Darwin would love this.

  Glove Love (and Hate)
I am a virgin. It doesn't bother me to admit it at all. Well I was talking to my friend who is quite sexually active with his girl friend, and he said condoms cut off circulation, cause numbness and are downright painful, I thought hmm it must have to do with size,  well I had a talk with his girlfriend, and he is very close to the same size as me, so I am really bothered by this. He said large sized helped a little but still it was the same, and that they are expensive! How can this be? I think something is wrong with this though, so tell me is he right? Or is he just unlucky and his situation isn't normal?  

          -Bag Boy

Your friend is the exception to the norm.  I have known some, um, proud guys in my day, and let me tell you, only one of them ever suffered any circulation trouble or numbness, and legend has it he was half horse.  There are all sorts of shapes and sizes of condom out there, ranging from little smokie to summer sausage.  Honestly, there will be one that works for you, and if not, there is always the female condom (for your partner).  Send your pal and his knick knack paddywhack to condomania and he'll find something that gives his dog a bone.  Arf.

  Big Bad Bald Boys
About 5 years ago I got a strange haircut, and somehow it's stuck with me up until now.  While it's not the most uncommon of hairstyles, it does happen to be getting old.  I feel like just chucking it and getting a so-called "normal" haircut, but therein lies my problem.  I'm a member of a local punk band, and none of my bandmates, fans, or friends want to see me change my hairstyle.  I was all set to ignore their pleas and get it cut when a girl that I'm very interested in asked me not to get it cut on my way to the barber shop.  But, my hair is an annoyance.  Should I get a "normal" haircut and live comfortably or keep the one I have to appease a possible future girlfriend?  

          -Guido

Dude, the mullet cut is SO five minutes ago!  It went out with swatch guards and neon shirts.  I say, be bold, shave that bad boy clean.  Yes, you read right, just shave it all off.  That's the niffity thing about hair... it grows back!  Well, usually.  If this chick that you are interested in is interested in you, my hope is that she is interested in more than your hair.  This isn't to say I don't appreciate silken tendrils on a man, though.  Mine has long, smooth, perfect ringlets, and if I could shrink myself down to but a couple of inches I would run naked through his hair for fun on the weekends.  But, know what?  If his hair all fell out tomorrow (and he's getting up there in years, it might!) or he hacked it all off, I'd still want to climb him, because I have the hots for more than just his hair.  Do what makes you comfortable.  If you're not comfortable with yourself, you wont be happy.

  Baking Undie Bread
I've recently become very intimate with my girlfriend of just over a year. I've never 'gone as far' with anyone else so to speak.  As we were getting dressed she asked me to hand her her underwear.  The underwear was a 'tealish yellowish' color (which is how she bought it) But because of the sort of strange color of underwear I decided to look at the underwear, she advised me not to. But it was too late I had already spotted some weird yellowish brownish little crumb like things.  She told me this was normal for females. However, I'm having a little trouble believing this. I know it has nothing to do with her period as obviously she was not having it at the time. Basically, my question is. Is this 'Normal' and if not is there a nice way of bringing the subject up and asking here to see a gynecologist? I assume this may be related to the fact that I did break her 'hymen'(sp?) a little while ago, and she is still sort of sore. Anyways please help!  

          -Snoopy

Oh, there is such a big wide smear of normalcy.  Honestly, what should be worrisome is if it is abnormal for her.  If this is a sudden development, she should see a doctor.  If it is accompanied by any burning or itching, again, see a doctor.  It could be a mild yeast infection.  Really, though, do you know how the female bits work?  The nifty thing about the female sex organs is that they are continually self-cleansing.  This means that, yes, there is usually some discharge.  Color, texture, and odor vary from person to person.  If she is having any discomfort and the discharge is an odd color and smells strongly, chances are she has an infection of some sort, but it is quite probably just her normal self, and she was right to assure you that this was no case for alarm.

If she DOES turn out to have a yeast infection, you need to be treated as well.  Buy the cream form of whatever treatment she uses, and apply it to your little loaf of man, following the package instructions.  If you aren't treated at the same time, you two will start a vicious reinfection cycle.  Nobody likes used yeast.

  The Love.Boat, Soon Will Be Making Another Run...
I've been chatting with someone I met on IRC for over two years,  and we've been really good friends over that time.  Recently, we've gotten a lot closer and we've realized that we're both crazy for each other in a pretty serious way.  Unfortunately, she lives in Michigan and I live in Alabama, so we're nowhere near each other.  We've seen tons of pictures of each other, and talk on the phone several times a week (I have an 800 number at work, so I stay late so we can talk) In July, I'm going to be in Chicago visiting a friend , so she's going to come down so we can meet and (hopefully) hit it off.  I don't want to screw this up, so if you have any pointers that would help avoid initial  awkwardness I would GREATLY appreciate it.  

          -Blind Date

Aw, this is so cute.  It gives me the warm fluffies.  If the two of you have been in contact for over two years, chances are pretty slim that you'll despise each other when you finally come nose to nose.  Make sure that your expectations are realistic.  Have a serious chat with her before you guys actually get together.  If you've got buckteeth and a lazy eye that you forgot to mention, now is the time to tell her.  If she has an uncontrollable habit of farting in public and picks her teeth with her fork, this is the time for her to tell you.  Lay it all out for her.  Then, when you go to meet her, you can do so knowing that you've told her all there is to tell and you're meeting her with an open mind, ready for wherever the day takes you.  When you get to that day, the most important thing you can do is relax.  Oh, and bring roses (or daisies or chocolates or floppy disks, whatever tangos her mango.)

Mental knew what worked for me.  I got roses AND Quake.  Now there's a gift that says lovin better than something from the oven!

  Front To Back?  Back To Front?  Take The Wipe Challenge!!
We were at a lan party having a lot of fun and talking about all sorts of stupid things. Somehow (don't ask how) the conversation turned to how people wipe their butts.

One person was adamant that _everyone_ starts at the back and goes forward. Almost everyone else abstained from that particular topic and so the conversation moved on. (well, two of us did come out and tell him we went from front to back)

This would be the end of it, but it seems the guy is now insecure or something, and brings it up on occasion about how stupid we are, and how everyone did it his way.

So, just to shut him up (or make us eat crow?) which way do the majority of people wipe their assess?  

          -Potty Mouth

Yup.  Your pal is right on the money.  The majority of people today are typically back to fronters.  I personally am a die hard back to fronter, while my best friend happens to be a front to backer.  You should see her crane around while she's trying to get the job done, it's hilarious.  As kids, girls are usually told not to go back to front for fear of getting something stinky on their super sugar crisp, but older girls have more control over the wipe finish line and don't usually do a complete wipe follow through all the way on up.  I've done some informal polling on this subject today and have only found one person out of a few dozen that goes front to back, and no males admitted to this wipe phenomenon.  This did, however, spark another chicken-and-egg type potty question.  Toilet paper: fold or crumple?  Discuss.


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