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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | QuakeCon
   

THIS WEEK: QuakeCon.  Casual sex at QuakeCon.  Some chick in love with a geek at QuakeCon.  A QuakeCon virgin afraid to go, a QuakeCon id stalker wants to meet the men behind the game, QuakeCon and drunken freaks, wanking at QuakeCon, and would mynx let Mental4 go to QuakeCon??  QuakeCon.  Hallelujah!

  QuakeCon Lust
When I was at QuakeCon last year, I met this incredibly gorgeous guy.  He was everything I dream about in a guy - a hot computer geek.  I know you can relate, Mynx, which is why I'm writing to you.  Now that QC99 approaches, I'm hoping to see him again, but I don't know how to hit on him or otherwise make him aware of my love for him.  Can you give me any advice?  How can I get a geek to notice me?  Thus far I've never even spoken to him directly.  

          -Crusher

God, I love a good geek.  I really do.  There's just something so unassuming and innocent about them, you know?  And when you find one that's a total babe, it just makes life worthwhile.  There's one secret to getting a geek guy:  talk to him.  No, really.  I've yet to meet a computer nerd who will turn down any sort of attention from a woman.. Unless of course he's in the middle of toying with a really sweet cpu setup, in which case, you're outta luck.  Wait till he's done licking his TNT2U before you try to get his attention.

  QuakeCon Nookie
I slept with someone at Quakecon last year.  It was something I've never done before (sleeping with a virtual stranger) but I did it anyway and it rocked and yep I want to do it again.  I really enjoyed our time together and if I see this person again, I'm going to try to get with her.  The problem is, I said we'd talk after last QC, but I never ICQ'd her or emailed her or anything and now I'm afraid that she'll be royally pissed.  I didn't give her any way to get in touch with me, but I had her info - so it was all up to me and I wasn't into that sort of follow-up stuff.  But since we'll see each other again (maybe) it might be worth a shot.  Of course, I don't even know if she's going to come this year.  

          -Player

She probably didn't last year, either, but didn't want to hurt your feelings.  Basically all I can really say here is that if she expected to hear from you and you told her you'd fulfill that obligation, she's probably not going to be too keen on seeing you, let alone allow you to invade her orifices.  But, since even I am occasionally wrong, if she actually speaks to you and by some miracle chooses to introduce her cat to your mouse, make sure she understands your intention at the outset.  If all you want is sex, make that clear.  It could be that's all she wants too.  If she's going to bed (or desk or floor or bathroom) with you with the expectation that this begins some relationship, there will be hurt feelings.  Oh, and for godsake man, take a shower at least once during Quakecon, ok?  She'll be a lot happier.

  QuakeCon Virgins!
I have never been to a #quakecon.  I've wanted to go for years but basically I'm shy.  I'm afraid nobody will like me or believe that I'm the same guy they know on irc.  I'm scared to be a letdown to all my old irc buddies.  

          -llama

Give the guys a little more credit.  I mean, have you actually seen some of these people?  Quake geeks come in a very wide variety of shapes, sizes, colors and genres.  You'll see everything from a bleached and mega-tatooed scary looking guy to a tall skinny afro web dude to some game chicks with big hooterang.  You've got your long haired game rock stars, your short potbellied and balding affable geeks, your bad boy muscle game guys, your quiet unassuming geniuses, and an assorted foreign pothead or two.  Not everyone is gorgeous.  Not everyone is brilliant.  They all love Quake, they all (mostly) respect each other, and all you gotta do is sit down and play.  Go on.  You'll have fun.

  QuakeCon Fanbois
Do you feel it's appropriate for me to talk to guys like John Carmack and John Cash and Paul Steed?  Will they call security on me or something if I try to ask for autographs or want a picture taken?  Do you know these guys?  What are they like and how will they react?  Help, I'm afraid.  

          -#1 fan

It's been my experience that people like the ones you mentioned are typically gracious and willing to make a fan happy.  That said, you might want to make sure you're not naked with a big "I BRAKE FOR JOHN CARMACK" tattooed across your buttcheeks when you ask for the above mentioned autograph and photo.  I don't know Carmack, so I can't give you any idea of how he'll react.  John Cash is only an acquaintance, but I can tell you that he's been nothing but gracious and friendly.  Paul Steed is an insufferable babe and a testosterone explosion just waiting to happen, but if you tell him how great you think he is he probably won't kick your ass, or if he does at least he'll enjoy doing it.

  Drunken Freaks
I heard that they threw a guy out of QC last year for being drunk.  Is this true?  Is it true that we can't have a beer and a frag at QuakeCon?  What in the holy hell are we supposed to do for fun?!  

          -Lush

Mash the hamster.  Grab sCary's ass.  Try to decipher exactly what RadPipe ate to make him smell so pungent.  Duh, hello?  Play Quake.  What the hell else do you think you do at QuakeCon?  Sheesh.  

  WankCon
I want to wank during the tourney at quake con 99.  I want to sit there amongst all the other players, and touch myself.  Do you think I could pull it off (heh heh) unnoticed?  

          -Wanker

You could probably pull it off, but there's no way you'd go unnoticed.  With all the network geeks crawling around under tables, someone is going to come eye to eye with your belching trouser munchkin.  If my hunch is right, you probably won't mind... people who belch the felcher in public are usually out for kicks when people see them.  Just try not to get arrested, k?

  Mental4Con
Would you let Mental4 go to QuakeCon?  Without you?  

          -LPB

Everyone going to QuakeCon knows Dr4 is chained and cuffed to me forever more, so there's not a whole lot of trouble he could get into without me hearing about it later.  Not to mention that the old Doctor Schlongo is very loyal and trustworthy.  Funny, though, he would never let ME go to QuakeCon without him... but that's probably because I'd want to show up in thigh-high black leather boots with a bullwhip.  Who wouldn't trust me??


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