THIS WEEK: Another really hairy dude, some random llama getting chubbies for Duke, sticks and stones breaking peeholes, sex roleplaying with Carmack and sCary, the current Steed fad, and an Embarrasment Spotlight by yours truly. This one transcends embarrassment and creeps into traumatic stress syndrome. Enjoy it, it about killed me. Oh, and after you read this, go enter my drawing, cuz it ends today.
If You Think I'm Hairy, And You Want Mah Body...
I really really like to look at myself in the
mirror. I have more than average body hair - a thick crop on
my back, my shoulders, chest, arms, butt, you name it.
Pretty much apelike, but I think it looks really good. I find myself really attractive -
not that I'm gay for myself or anything but I just think it's very masculine
and sexy. Lately I'm hearing a lot about how this is not
so great, and it's beginning to affect my self esteem. So what's the final word, Mynx? I'm willing to wax by
You'd think people would know better than
to give me control over their hair. If it were up to me I'd
have you wax your ass in the shape of a peace sign, using your buttcrack
as the center line. I gotta tell you, though, that if
you're wearing a pelt and you're comfortable, nay,
happy about that, then I really don't
see a problem here at all. Look at Ron Jeremy. Dude is hairier than
bigfoot, and he's a porn star. Hey, I'm all for self acceptance. Two snaps for
a healthy self-image! *snap*
Yes, I seem to have
a problem. I've seem to have been playing Duke Nukem 3d.. and,
Well, I think he's hot. It just gives me the BIGGEST of all boners
when I see him. I mean "KICK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLE GUM" , wow!! I also
love the shrinker ray. It rocks. Quake is dumb cause you can't duck.
But still, I think there should be a Quake2 mod, it should be "YUO
SUC AND WE SHRINK YUO AND YUO GOT SUOED"
Yes, Really. I think Duke Nukem is hot. (So is the
HELP. This question almost pushes past my threshold... you
might be too far gone even for me. Duke Nukem?
Seriously? I mean, I can see the Doom Marine. The Quake
grunt even. But Duke? Gross. There isn't much hope
for you, frankly. The only remedy I can think of involves a
tub of crisco, a roll of quarters, and a copy of no frills,
original, handflutin Quake 1. Hole up in your room and
play. Don't get up unless you soil yourself. Play until
your eyes cross and your testicles hurt. Play until you can't
possibly stay up any longer. The glorious Quake will save you,
but you have to want to be saved. Oh, and stop smoking crack.
Don't Poke the Peehole!
am really turned on by the idea of putting something in my
peehole. It just seems, I dunno, like it would be fun to have
a little guy poking out of it or something. I'm writing to
find out if it's okay to do this. Do you think I
could hurt myself by putting something in my peehole?
What do you think?
will confess that I have seen photographs of (now don't go getting
any ideas here) a lit match, and even a happy little American flag
shoved into a peehole. But you know, I really can't understand
the attraction here. Shoving anything up your wookie's nose is
going to hurt like scathing hell, and that's never a good
idea. So my opinion here is going to be: just say no to
foreign implements in your urethra. Put that on a bumper
sticker, Nancy Regan. If you refuse to heed me, well, at least
heed this: Please, pretty please, don't stick any sharp
objects in there. No toothpicks, hot pokers, ballpoint pens,
whatever. New sexual adventures won't seem very much fun when
you've punctured and/or torn your urethra. You'll really know
fun when you have to pee while that sucker heals. So just
don't. Now, I'm sure me saying this is going to prompt a
flood of letters from those of you who enjoy ramming twigs or
corncobs or green candles or whatever into your urethras, telling me
how great it is. You know what? Don't. I don't
Consenting Adults Play Carmack!
I find it really enjoyable to
role play during sex with my wife. A coulple of my
favorites are playing "John Carmack and Steedchick" and "sCary
and Britney Spears". Lately though she's told me (my
wife, not Britney Spears) that she thinks there may be something
wrong with me/us for doing this, and that we should think about
stopping. I gotta admit, though, hearing her scream "CODE ME,
CARMACK, CODE ME!" in the heat of passion really DOES it for me.
I don't find anything
wrong here. Well, other than the Britney Spears part,
talk about twisted. But, like, what's the harm in a little
nookie fun between consenting adults? It's not like you're
capturing junior high girls and forcing them to play Carmack with
you, this is your wife, and as long as she's enjoying it as
much as you are, what's the harm? If pretending you're John
Carmack is what you need to fluff your muskrat (and who
doesn't?) then by all means, go right ahead. Only, you may not
want to tell him about this. I think we'll all sleep
better at night if we don't have to worry about Carmack developing a
sudden computer-geek-sexual-phobia type thing.
Paul Steed, The Man, The Myth, The Fad
this year's Quake Con. Paul Steed always had a harem of chicks
following him around wherever he went. They acted like the guy
had friend chicken in his pants or something. More often than
not, there was at least one hanging on him at all times. Now
that the event is over, there are suddenly all these web pages made
by girls with lots of smiley emotocons and other obnoxious
crap. So, I'm wondering. What does Steed think of all
this? What do you think about it?
Knowing Paul, I'm sure he completely sucks it up. Who wouldn't enjoy
a gaggle of lusty busties chasing them around?
As a conniseur of Steed's, er, finer points before it became the
"in" thing, I can easily understand the attraction, but lemme tell
ya, it does make me a little itchy. I've seen the girl
sites you mentioned, and while I did in fact appreciate the visual
aids, I've never played well with others, especially other girls, so
I end up with a case of the heebie jeebies. Darnit, does
this mean I need to find another pastime? I wonder if
RadPipe has a harem yet?
so often I like to reach deep down into the juicy pit of my own
embarrassing horrors and drag out a doozy to share with you, my
beloved readers. It keeps me humble, or something. This
one happened not two weeks ago, so the agony is still fresh.
Go on, enjoy my pain. -mynx
It was a busy
weekday morning, and we were all getting ready to go. We were
dropping Mental off at work on our way to run some errands and CJ
and I were, as usual, running late. By the time we were ready
to go, Mental was short tempered with me and really ready to get
going. This was about the time I realized I should make a stop
in to the little girls' room (mom always told me to go before you
leave the house) but I wasn't about to delay us any further, so I
just decided to hold it until we'd gotten where we were
Mental at work, CJ and I headed off to our local Le Botique Target
store for a little one-stop shopping action. I was very glad
to see the restroom when we walked in the store, so we rushed in
only to end up behind about 15 other women in line. Many more
quickly piled up behind us. Finally, it was my (our) turn, and
a stall opened up. Nowadays many stalls in womens' rooms come
complete with little seatbelted fold down chairs for toddlers, but I
wasn't so lucky on this day. CJ puttered around the stall,
flushing the toilet a few times (I bet that really faked out the
women waiting in line, now that I think about it), tearing off
toilet paper, and generally getting into everything he could
I stand up, and just as I go for my jeans (which were,
of course, around my ankles), CJ throws his entire two year old
bodyweight against the stall door, sending it absolutely slamming
open, and there I stand, pants around my ankles, pubic hair rustling
in the wind, face to face with about 10 strangers lined up and
waiting to use the restroom. My darling little son just stood
there and cackled.