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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Grande que destella erección!
   

THIS WEEK: When the stub plays dead, your dad likes dude pron, and your girlfriend has no idea what's in your pants. Teenage girls who shave the mouse, some guy and his wife and their as-yet-unknown sex chick, and one of the Shackmonkeys gets caught, literally, in Victoria's Secret in this week's Embarrassment Spotlight. More fun than a steedchick in a vat of mayonnaise!

  Soft and Dry
Recently, I was enjoying an evening with a lovely girl I had met at a party that same day.  We fooled around some, and after a while, we moved our little private party to the bedroom.  Things were going along greate, untill the "big thing" was up next.  My.. err.. equipment had been along for the ride all night long, but now, it suddendly didn't want to be nice anymore.

You can imagine my fear when I saw my pride not wanting to play!  I've never actually had intercourse before, so with this being my first time and all, I'm not sure what to think of myself!  The girl was supportive and didn't freak out or anything, which was very helpfull to get over the worst shock.  So, Mynx, is this "normal"? Or am I just a lost soul in this world. I was very much hoping not to die a virgin, if you get my picture.  

          -Droopy

As I don't actually have a penis of my own, I can't give you firsthand information, so you'll have to settle for handjob information.  Yeah, it happens to everyone at one time or another.  Any man who says it doesn't just hasn't had it happen yet.  There could be any number of reasons why, but obsessing about it will only make it worse, the next time.  There you are all hot and greasy getting ready to put your thing down when all of the sudden, you start to worry about the status of your hotrod instead of focusing on the task at, er,  hand.  So just let it go.  Realize that you could have been nervous, or uptight, or just not quite sure that you should be losing your virginty on the first date, and then get over it.  You won't die a virgin, but if you do, at least you'll have that going for you, and maybe you'll be reincarnated as a porn star or something.

  Dad Pitches and Catches
Well, I have a sort of problem mynx...  A pretty big problem...  Well, I think my dad is gay...  Why do I think this?  Well, I was on his computer and I was using his AT&T Worldnet account and I looked at his bookmarks on internet explorer and well, there were a bunch of gay sites and shit there...  It made me sick, and it makes me sick everyday...  Cause I'm not gay, and I don't know what to do!  How could he do this to my mom!?!?  What do I do!?!?  

          -Toto

You don't do anything.  Not a dadgum thing, little mister.  You shouldn't have been poking around in your daddy's virtual drawers in the first place.  There are a number of explanations, which are also none of your business.  What if your mom knows about this little hobby, and in fact your old moms and the dadster like to get it on alfresco looking at a little guy-on-guy action while you're not home?  Maybe your dad loves your mom a whole heck of a lot but still enjoys the occasional foray into the backside - so what if he likes looking at pictures of dudes spelunking other dudes, he's still your dad, right?  Fantasy should not be regulated by anyone, and certainly not our children.  If in fact he is gay, well, I'm of the opinion that he can't help it.  I don't think he's "doing" anything to your mom (if he's gay, chances are he's not doing a whole lot to her anyhow)... it's just who he is, and in that case it is up to your parents to work out.  So, again, I say, it ain't none yo bidness homes.  Go off and get a life of your own, k?

  That's His "Tool" Alright!
First a little setup:  I have been seeing this girl for about 7 months.  Both of us are "old school" Christians and very strict about our physical relationship and abstinence.  We kiss and touch frequently however, but have agree we'll wait till marriage to go any further.  And we are going to get married, not only because we've taken our physical
relationship that far, but because we love each other and are best friends.  Anyway, we kiss and snuggle a lot and therein lies my problem.  During our passionate kissing, Mr. Munchkin can't help but stand up to get a better view.  Now, she has been very...sheltered her whole life (home schooled, no TV, etc.) and knows next to nothing about
the male body.  So I try to hide my trouser tent as best I can and any drooling that Mr. Happy might do.  But it is a problem.  The other day after we had kissed for a while, we then went to her kitchen and got some food.  While we were standing there, she pointed to my tentpole and said "What's in your pocket?".  As a stroke of luck, I always carry a Leatherman Multitool with me and I told her "Just my leatherman!" and proceeded to rearrange my "Leather Man" in my pocket.  But it was highly embarrassing.  So, my question is, is there anything I can do to prevent  tent-syndrome short of stopping our kissing (not an option) or thinking about other things while we do (which would defeat the purpose).  Please answer my question, I am desperate and I don't know who else to turn to.
 

          -Stiffy

Hey um, maybe I'm "new school" and stuff but what's wrong with having a stiffy?  Really, I mean, you're a young guy, you're sucking face with your girl... what's so hard (er, no pun intended) to grasp about a big gleaming erection?  Seriously, it's a natural response.  If she was an active part in the decision to abstain at least she can understand what happens, physically, when you get aroused.  I get the part about her being sheltered, but certainly she understands that you're a boy, and thus you have a penis, no?  Or I wonder if she thinks that it only gets hard right when you're about to have sex.  In any case, she pointed to your crotch and asked "what's in your pocket?" and that leads me to believe she's either incrediby ignorant or was, in effect, yanking your, uh, chain.  As far as I know there is no way to consciously prevent erections, unless you're some kind of robot.  Just be honest with her.  Say, "honey, that is my purple helmeted warrior of love".  And then do something else.

  Teen Girls, Barely Legal, Shaved!
I got this weird question...errmmm, heck, all other questions are weird.  Well, i want to know if girls shave "that intimate place between their legs". I mean, I thought only porn actresses do that. But do gals shave their forest off specificaly at the age of 15-18? I got some clues that some girls do it in my school.  

          -Mr Smooth

Hey, you don't have to be a porny girl to appreciate a smooth taco.  As far as I know, though, there isn't some specific age where it's like, "happy 15th birthday, susie!" and then our mothers take us aside and insist that we suddenly sport a bald cooter.  Yeah, there are high school girls that shave.  Some shave certain areas, like the bikini line, some shave the underside, but precious few shave it off entirely.  There quite probably a few girls in your school who go for a little snip and trim now and again.  So deal.  But I really wanna know is, what clues, exactly, do you have that girls in your school go for the bald eagle look?  Have you been lurking in the little girls' room and touching your radpipe again?  Didn't we have a talk about that?

  Three's Company
I need a little advice.  I'm happily married, and me and my wife have been thinking about bringing another woman into the bedroom for a while now.  She's quite apprehensive over it but slightly interested nonetheless.  I guess you can call her bi-curious.  Well, the thing is, I am in the proces of finding that third party, and she wants me to keep her posted.  I do, naturally, I show her pictures and everything.  Soon as I find one worth meeting, we'll go with it.

The thing is...she can't seem to make up her mind whether or not she's into it or not.  One minute she's all for it, the next she hates the idea.  I want to do it, and I've assured her that I love her, and I've agreed not to go all the way with the woman, the woman is there mostly for her pleasure.  I dont' kow if she thinks that I will eventually leave her for the woman or what?

I'm sure you know this is every mans fantasy, and maybe you can help me figure out how to prove to her that I'm doing this for her pleasure and I'm just along for the ride, and a little taste (which I'm authorized to have by her).  I really do love her and I really want to stay with her, I just really dig the thought of us exploring our sexuality!  

          -Mr Smooth

Bahaha.  No, really.  Wahahahha.  Oh, that's good.  Ok, first let's get this out of the way:  There is no way you will ever get me to believe that you are inviting another chick into your bed for a little three way action with the wife and really, you're just "along for the ride".  You're gunna get just as much cootchie out of it as your wife.  You should start by dropping the whole "I'm doing it for you baby, really I am" act.  Your wife is flip flopping on the idea because, while it seems really exciting and enjoyable to her, she's afraid that once the two of you go through with it, afterwards, she will no longer be enough for you.  Then the husband and wife sex that she holds dear for just the two of you won't be good enough, and she'll obsess over wether or not you want more or are bored or whatever.  Heck, maybe she's afraid that she'll like it a little too much.  In any case, you'll do best not to pressure her.  Let her change her mind a few times and work it out in her head.  Meantime, continue looking for a partner and if you find one, your wife can make up her own mind when she's actually confronted with the real live person.  If she really wants another chick's cookie, she'll have to do it on her own terms.

  Embarrassment Spotlight
As we continue with our web pimp embarrassments, we come to Clay "Huntsman" Mitchell, Shack Monkey Extraordinaire over at sCary's Shugashack.  He likes women's underwear.  No, really, check it out!

"Oh... this was a couple years back, perhaps when I was 16 or so. Similiar to how Radpipe put it: "Past puberty but innocent in the ways of the world." (Despite Radpipe's earnest attempts to change this). Anyway, I'm in New York City. I've been there a few times with family, but this time I'm on a week long excursion with a bunch of people I don't really know.

So, I'm in the South Street Seaport, where the is this nice little mall. So I'm wandering about with a couple young ladies, and I mention that I need to go find a present for a special lady friend back home. So we wander about the mall, unable to find anything. Until... we see the Victoria's Secret. I'm a bit of a soft spoken, shy young man, so roaming about about Victoria's Secret isn't exactly up my alley. But after plea after plea and finally being physically dragged in, there I stood, right in front of a 12 foot poster of some girl in lingerie.

So I wander about, searching for some nice and thoughtful, but staying on the safe side of "scandalous". So I notice the body wash section. This seems like a good idea. So I'm over there, perusing the various flavors of sweet smelling stuffs, only to here the girls I'm with giggling at me. Or towards me. Unbeknownst to me, I'm standing right in front of the display window, in full display to everyone walking by in the mall. So I look up, and much to my dismay see a few people who are with the group I was with staring at me with shocked looks on thier faces. Now, had I not felt so uneasy about being in the Victoria's Secret in the first place, I suspect this wouldn't have been a problem. The fact was, I was terrified by this.

So I go tearing out of the Victoria's Secret at a break neck speed to clear up the situation. Up to this point I had looked quite smooth, I must admit. I was wearing a suit, a really nice tie, and had these fly looking suspenders on. These suspenders led to be my downfall. As I take off out of the store, my left suspender catches on a rack of ladies panties. And so, as I run out into the mall proper, I was dragging along the rack and the delicate little pink undergarments that it displayed were being strewn everywhere. I got out about 10 feet, and then realize what happened. At this point I was mortified, and the girls I was with were, for all intents and purposes, rolling around on the floor laughing. So I quickly unhook the rack and zip back into the store. I quickly make my purchase (this nice citrus smelling wash) and quietly walk out of the Victoria's Secret with the 2 ladies in tow. I couldn't really figure out what to do. I felt like a complete and utter moron. But I look up, and there is my savior. A Foot Locker. Testosterone City. I run in, ask for a bag, and wrap the Victoria's Secret package up the the Foot Locker bag, and swear the girls to never mention what had just happened.


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