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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Breasts Are Our Friends
   

THIS WEEK: Colorful testicles, a poor young teenager worried about breasts in his computer games(!), wondering yet again if girls really play single player, rubbing your stubby dry, what do hooters feel like, and an Embarrassment that brings a whole new meaning to phone sex. I'm pretty fly for a white gal.

  Blue Blues
I was just wondering how poor souls out there have had my problems, my first problem was when my girlfriend came over one day and we went up to my room and well ya know, we started to fool around.  So after a long time, when my mom came home, we got up to leave and I had this really bad pain in my balls, now we had to walk to one of her friends house's and well by the time we got there I was about to cry, and for the rest of the night I was in fear that my balls were gonna fall off.  Now the next I went over to a friends house and he asked me what happened so I
told him that after we were done that my balls killed. Now right away he said that I must've had blue balls, I said wtf is blue balls, he just took one look at me and just laughed, then said you dont know what blue balls is?, and of course I didnt so he explained it to me, and I was extremely relieved, and after about a day it went away.  Now my  question is, are there alot of people who dont know what blue balls is?, because I didnt know what it was at first either.
 

          -Indigo

Heh.  Even if they don't know the technical term of "blueballs", most people (male and yes, female) have experienced this trauma before.  "Blueballs" is the term used to describe discomfort in the testicle area (women feel in low in the abdomen) after long periods of arousal with no, er, money shot.  No capper, no white rope, no big bang.  It's typically a teenage phenomena, and with all the hormones swirling around during the teenage years, it's not all that surprising.  As far as I know, the only cure for blueballs is climax.  So go home, club your groundhog and you will probably feel much better. 

  Lions and Tigers and Game Breasts, Oh My!
Here's an interesting question, due to the fact that it's not directly sex-related. I've aquired interest in the upcoming game Giants, citizen Kabuto. Anyways I've heard the game is gonna have nudity in it (for the serpent chick thingies). What concerns me is that, while I am a teenager (raging hormones, you know the drill) I'm not exactly interested in playing a game while some chick flashes her boobies all over the place. It doesn't bug ME all that much though, I just don't want my dad to walk by while I'm playing....

So got any suggestions? Yea I know there's the "he's seen it all before" routine but that doesn't exactly help. I'd definately not like to pass up this game, but...  

          -Ivory

What concerns ME is that you are a teenager with raging hormones and you're not interested in playing a game with boobies in it.  Seriously, though, if I dig down to the underlying message here, it seems that you're worrited that your dad will be unhappy if he finds out you're playing a game with a hooterfactor.  Unfortunately, you're his kid, you live in his joint, and basically he runs the show.  If he feels that the game isn't suitable for you to play, then you're just gunna have to swallow that whole.  You might explain to him that you are interested in this game, despite some visual nudity, and let him know you feel you are mature enough to handle it.  See what he says.

  Self Love, Fem-Style!
I'm sorry for this somewhat ubrubt rude question, but I'm a curious teen with raging harmones. Woman say they don't......"pleasure" themselves. My question is, from your experience, do they? And if they do, is it a regular thing or a once in a lifetime thing. Thnx, and sorry.  

          -Touchy

What is it with all you punks you just can't seem to believe that women practice self-love?  Like, duh.  Girls are just as hormonal and excitable as guys are, but we're supposed to be nice and proper and all that boring crap.  YES, girls do, and no, it's not a once in a lifetime thing.  Girls do it just as much as guys do.  At least, many of them do.  Get on with your life already.

  Pounding The Dry Salami
I've read many messages in your column so far about penis lubrication and masturbation. Guys say how cool it is and how they won't slap the salami without a lubricant. I'm a guy and disappointed to say it doesn't work for me. I've used different things for lubrication but don't find anything special to it, plus it makes my task harder. Just like my good'ol, straight forward penis wacking without usage of any fluids to add to the plesure. I worry kinda, and especially if I'm missing anything. Is me or my sausage abnormal? Perhaps the size of it is not adequate? Or maybe I got brain damage or something....  

          -Roughcut

I vote for brain damage!  Erm.. what I meant was, there's nothing abnormal here at all.  If you prefer to jerk your gherkin with no lube, hey, great, whatever flies your skirt up.  There are no rules in self-gratification, because you always have a consenting partner.  Some penis-packers find that adding some sort of lubrication helps them to more accurately reproduce the sensation during actual intercourse.  Becuase if you do it right, you won't be dry during intercourse... but that's a lesson for another day.

  Hooter Texture?
Hey, I am a very desperate teenage boy who is very curious...don't worry, not begging for a date or anything.  I was just wondering what the hell a breast feels like!?  I am not unpopular or anything, I just don't go on many dates.  Could you possibly tell me what texture they are similar and maybe suggest household items that I could get some hands on action?  Does it hurt if a guy squeezes them?  I just want to make my first experience(you know what I mean) perfect for both of us. Ok so you probably don't feel like responding to me now but you can guess how little resources there are for stuff like this...  

          -Boob

It would not be very easy to compare a breast to anything, because the feel will vary from woman to woman.  If you've got your hands on a good set, they might feel like water balloons.  If you've got your hands on a not so great set, they might feel like half empty water balloons.  It doesn't hurt if you squeeze them, as long as you don't squeeze them like melons.  A firm yet soft grasp is never bad.  Imagine how you might like your testicles to be handled, and do it that way.  No mashing or smooshing or hard squeezing.  Remember, breasts are our friends.  If you're good to them, they'll be good to you.

  Embarrassment Spotlight
La la la - I liked this one so I'm printing it.  Mostly I liked it because, hey, how can you not like a guy that would call you up and tell you such things?  He's requested anonymity, so I'll just say thanks, anonymous guy, and I hope your girlfriend's mother wasn't too excited. 

"I'm a shy, computer geek-type of person, so I find it difficult to be outgoing around people.  However, that shyness disappears on the phone.  I have a smooth, deep voice that has been labeled by enough women as "sexy" that I feel I can forgo my modesty and use the adjective myself. I also find that discussing sex on the phone is a little easier for me than in real life, and it comes a bit more naturally for me.  I always stammer and get tongue-tied when I try to talk about those things face-to-face with someone.

In any case, I hopped online to check my mail this morning and my girlfriend was on.  We talked and flirted a bit, and I asked if I could call her, because I was hoping to use my voice to get her going and perhaps pave the way for a night of passion at her house.  She said "Of course you can, just wait till my mother leaves for work."  Our flirting got a bit hotter, and I was ecstatic when she said "All right, she's gone!"

It took me a few minutes to get my computer stuff shut down, and as I approached my phone, I decided I was going to give her a full description of what I had planned for her.  The moment the other line was picked up, I launched into it.  Carried by my own momentum, I detailed everything in the steamiest terms I could think of, surprised by my courage and lack of restraint.  By the time I was done, I was a bit unnerved by the fact that she hadn't said anything.  In the few seconds of silence, I thought "She's speechless."

Then her mother tentatively said my name in a questioning tone.   Apparently, in those few minutes I had taken to get myself ready, her mother had done the old "Oops, forgot my purse" thing and was right by the phone when it rang.  She didn't even have time to properly say "hello," not that I really would have noticed, given that I was expecting there to be only one person in the house.  Fortunately, she is a very understanding woman, and I was not banned from the house or anything like that.  The only thing she ever said about it was (to her daughter), "Humph, your father never did anything like that for me."


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