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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Spoo
   

THIS WEEK: Do you really get zits from stroking the one eyed pinky puker?! What do you do when you find out that twizzlers makes more than mouthes happy? How do you wank if your hand hurts? A reader loves Paul Steed, another reader asks a nice multi part question regarding everything you ever wanted to know about girls and sperm, and a reader shares his pubic hair with the world. Shalom.

  What Does Acne Have To Do With Schmekkies?
I am a 17 year old male and I still have acne. I heard from many friends that the reason for acne is masturbation. I believe that that's just a myth.  I also heard that once I lose my virginity(I hold the virgin status yet), acne will start to go away, which is even harder to believe. Is this a myth or is acne really directly involved with masturbation and sex?  

          -Pizza Tosser

Lies, all lies!  The old acne from masturbation myth is a horrible curse upon young males by uptight old jerks.  Rubbing your stubby chubby won't do anything to your face except maybe make it a little pink from effort.  While one might like to believe that their complexion will clear up once they start diving in the hootchie, that's just not true.  I knew many guys in high school that were painful examples of this.  Acne can be from a number of things, heredity and overactive oil glands leading the list.  If you've exhausted the over the counter alternatives, try some (diluted!) tea tree oil from your local health food store.  If that fails, get yourself to a dermatologist.

  Brother Is Watching You Wank!
Hello, I am a fifteen-year-old Quaker, and when I'm not playing Quake, I'm usually talking on my amateur radio. Well, one day I climbed up my antenna tower to check on something when I looked into the window to my right. I noticed the TV was on and I was sort of watching it when I saw my eleven-year-old brother walk over to his bed and drop his pants. He then grabbed a package of Twizzlers licorice. You know, the kind that have eight strips, in two bars? Well, he proceeded to rip off a strip of it and stick it you know where. Yeah, you heard me right.

He started to snicker and laugh until he pulled out the strip and sniffed it. He even licked the damn thing! Then he stuck it up his nose. He got another one and did the same thing. Then he put those strips aside and grabbed what was left of the two bars. He placed one above his scrotum and the other below, making a sort of sandwich! He rolled them around, and jiggled his balls around giggling with glee.

Well, at this point I climbed down from the ladder and took a minute to relax. Anyway, the point of this letter is this: should I be worried at all about what my brother is doing with licorice sticks in his private areas? To tell you the truth, I AM worried, but should I be?  

          -Big Brother

It's none of  your business.  If your brother is ramming spicy link sausages and eggs up his ass it wouldn't be any of your business.  Making fun of young guys for their self exploration can have a pretty damaging effect on their sexuality later in life.  I dated a guy who was caught butt naked in the act as a kid and as a result would never get naked to slide the purple helmeted warrior of love past the beef curtains.  Seriously, he always had to have a shirt on, and it drove me bugshit.  So, sure, be worried.  But keep it to yourself.  Your brother isn't hurting himself or anyone else with what he's doing, so stay out of it.

  Every Question You Ever Wanted To Ask About Spooge
I've heard that most women don't swallow. Can that be true? I've never met one that doesn't. And what does it taste like? Is it different for every guy? Is it different depending on the guy's diet? Have you ever met a guy that liked the taste of his own, well you know...spoo? Would it drive you nuts to have your guy shoot a load over your face then lick it off?  

          -Spoogemaster

Spooge is your friend.  Spooge is my friend.  Spooge is Martha Stewart's friend too, because it's a Good Thing.  As far as I know, most women aren't swallowers.  Some of us are, some aren't.  You're lucky if you've never met one that gags and spits.  I've heard stories of women horking and heaving and turning green so bad that it made the poor guy feel like he'd just dumped a cup of rotten limburger down his girlie's gullet.  As for taste, all goo tastes like goo, with slight variations depending on diet.  Most guys I know will admit to having tasted their own product, but I've never met one who had a fetish for it.  And as for your final question, I'll just say, no.  I don't like spooge in my eye.

  A Quake Question!  No, Really!
I am mesmerized by Quake 3 Arena.  It is beautiful and interesting and holds my attention for hours.  Ieventually become "aroused" while or after playing, but by that time my hand hurtsso bad from using the mouse that I can't seem to pleasure myself!  HELP ME!      

          -Stroker

Are you an amputee?  Were you born with only one arm?  Use your other hand... or go out and make a friend.

  Paul Steed Appreciation Society
I love Paul Steed.  Yeah, I'm a guy, but so what.  Anyway, that's all.  I just had to tell someone.  

          -Steedite

Testify, mah brotha.  Can I get an amen?

  Embarrassment Spotlight
This week's embarrassing moment reminded me of a dear girlfriend, who used to save every pubic hair she found in her bed after her boyfriend would visit.  I was sure one day I'd be looking for a pen or something in her room and find a four foot wide hairball.  Egads.  Anyhoo, this one is good for a little bit of a chuckle.  Thanks to Fabien Delpierre for sending his short and curlies.

This (short) story just happened to me, and, well, I thought I might as well share it with you, knowing your column on PlanetQuake... Anyway, here we go.

Recently, I sent (through snail mail) a game as a present to a friend, and he received it only a few days ago. He played it, there was no problem at all. Of course. And then tonight, he started talking to me about pubic hair.  He asked me questions like "Of course, you know how pubic hair look like?", "You wouldn't give one of yours to anyone, I guess?" or "Your mind isn't twisted enough for such things, now is it?".

I felt like he'd gone nuts or something, talking pubic hair to me.  And then... Then, after reading my answers to these questions (those answers being respectively "yes", "no", and "no"), he asked me : "Then WHY in HELL did I find one of your pubic hair enclosed with the game?"

Somehow I felt... bad.

And then I burst into total laughter for about five minutes. (Just try to *imagine* the situation of my friend when he "noticed" the "thing" kindly enclosed with his nifty new game.)


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