This Week: How do you like your
penis served? Why do net.geeks in love act the freakass
way that they do? What would happen if the Real World
found out about Mynx, why do chicks suck, and a
crackhead loves me. Doesn't it just give you the
warm fuzzies? Merry Christmas, boys and girls.
Hope you get your stockings stuffed.
Thick or Thin, Short or Long?
OK, I just finished reading the all penis
issue of Dear Mynx, and I have to
say it inspired me to
write this letter, specifically the guy who mentioned
small penis. Well, that got me thinking. What is
more important to a
woman, length or girth (width)? I ask because I do not have a John Holmes length penis, hell, its a little short of average, but I do have much girth. I guess what I want to know is what is better, a 10 incher that is say 4 inches around, or a 5 incher that is 7 inches around?.
Personally? I'll take both
long AND thick, please. The best of both worlds, so
to speak. But if given the horrible situation of having
to choose, I would chose thickness every time, hands, uh,
down. You can have a fourteen foot long winky for all I
care but if it's the width of a pencil it's not going to do
anybody any good. So be happy with your little stump
there. Oh, and if you've got a penis 7 inches
around, email me your home address. I know a few gals
(and one guy with a goat) who will
be right over.
Net.Love: Nerds on the Prowl
Okay so we all know that Quake is the best game series of all time, and people sometimes bring the game into their lifestyles, e.g., quake-related license plates, hairdos, etc. That's all fine and cool. I heard about some weird stuff, though, which got me a little curious. I heard that some people are SUCH net-geeks and quake-geeks, that they will actually go so far as to get MARRIED via Quake. I'm not exactly sure what that would mean... I'm assuming that they have some sort of online relationship [I dunno, maybe cybersexual or something] while enacting the notion of their online quake Players being in wedlock, but I don't know...
I'm just curious as to what in hell these people are
thinking, if this is actually true, and to what extent, if
any, these things occur. Could you enlighten, dear Mynx, a
Um. You're new here,
aren'tcha? You're talking to someone who met her husband
in a game of Quake, and even briefly considered the notion of
an online wedding (the latter idea was scrapped). But, I
can't tell you what in the hell these people are
thinking. Love does wackass things to people.
Those that are ordinarily sane and levelheaded individuals
suddenly become these manic love freaks who will stop at
nothing to prove to the world JUST how much they love their
little snookie wookie bunny poo. In the early days of
love (way back in the day of Quake shareware) Mental4 and I
could oft be found running together on servers, both clad in
Peach (god, looking back it all sounds so gay). But,
like I said, love makes you a moron. So just chalk it up
to idiocy. They'll get over it.
Mynx, International Woman of
I always have a good laugh when
reading your column. But, almost everytime I can not stop
thinking about perhaps the media or press discovering the
column. I just find it "odd". How would these people
understand that Billy Bob can't get it up, etc. Or about their
dog licking it and actually thinking it would help him play
better? Keep up the good work.
Aiiiiiiiiieeeee! No. No no
no. I am quite secure
in my little Quake community bubble. The thought of the
outside world discovering how horribly disfunctional I/we are is
enough to send me into the fetal position under my
desk. Holy birdshit, batman... can you imagine the
field day the media would have with this? I can hear
Bryant Gumbel's butthole puckering in anticipation from a mile
away. "LOOK!! SEE?! We told you PC games turn
people into child molesting goat loving homosexual monsters! This is
Um. Maybe I'd better start screening my
How Come Chicks Suck?
I have a problem. I'm not gay, but
lately I've found that most women
repulse me. Not
because of their appearance or smell, but their
really gets to me - they kind of expect me to go out of my
and start talking to them, but I really couldn't give a
fuck. I try to be
nice, but the majority of women
around town kind of have this
attitude that says "I am the
shit", and expect me to treat them that way.
I'm in no mood
for games, but they insist on playing them. Is there
more socially acceptable reaction to this than to
confront them and say
"quit staring at me, you stupid
bitch? I don't even know you, so please,
other way." Maybe I've been playing too much Quake - where
accepted thing to do upon first meeting someone is to
frag them into itty
And yes, I'm *sure* I'm not gay.
Well, as long as you're SURE you're not
gay! I should say that it sounds a bit harsh for you to
react so strongly to a girl checking you out. I've stared
at many a pretty boy (and girl) in my day, if only to
appreciate the view. Maybe they think you're a
babe. Maybe you have a booger stuck to your chin.
Who knows. But just because they're window shopping
doesn't mean you are obligated to go close the deal.
Staring is kind of an "I'm interested, if you want to come
take the chance" invitation. Anyway. I hear you
about the bitchiness thing. Part of the reason the
majority of my friends are and always have been male is
because I can't stand the girl-ness of most chicks. It
drives me nuts. Don't judge us all on the basis of a few
hosebeasts, though. You're only really noticing the ones
that piss you off - try paying attention to the girls
minding their own business sometime, and maybe you'll find yourself some pretty keen girly pals.
We All Love Mynx, We're All Insane
I think I love you.
Don't laugh, I do! Everything you print in Dear Mynx
just speaks to me, as if you are writing just to
me. I play Q3A just so I can feel like I'm
interacting with you. Please, Mynx, I have to know, is
there a way that we can talk? Maybe on undernet or
ICQ? Do you have an ICQ number? Can we be friends
Well, no. I appreciate the love and
all, but you don't know me, thus, you love me not. Sure,
you can appreciate my big round booty, you can
have dirty dreams about my hot sweaty bot, but don't
try to get me to help you along in your obsession. Mynx don't
play dat. Merely printing this message and taking the
time to answer it is probably going to give you a big
shiny stiffy. Down, boy. You can hold this close to
your testes and know that I know you exist. But don't make me talk to you.
time! I'm feeling all jinglebelly and shit so I'm
going to spare a poor soul and resume next week,
when we can all start preparing for the world to end.