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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | The End Is Nigh.
   

This Week:  Paul Steed's physical abilities, what to do when you've got two to play with, help for a poor little lad who can't make the twinkie goo, loving your cousins and Mynx, naked.  Oh, and a canine embarrassment spotlight.  Is this a trend?  See you all next week, if we don't fall off the face of the earth.

  Paul Steed - The Man, The Myth, The Gymnast?

Ok, so this might be a bit out of the blue, but who else do we turn to for the straight dope on Steed?  We all admire him as a diplomat of the messageboards over at Quake3World, but can we also admire his gymnastic abilities?  I recall mention of him doing all the mocap for his model animations himself.  This includes all the files he sent to the Shugashack, with comparisons of himself in mocap gear to the models Xaero and some others.  I finally made it to tier (PH34R M33!!) ahem... yes, admittedly I suck at the space theme in tier 6.  Anyways, after
unlocking the final tier cinematic, I was floored by Xaero flipping like a 60's kung-fu matinee onto my screen.  Can we assume that Steed moves like this?  Should we all bear this in mind before challenging him to a row at the next QuakeCon?  Anyways, I'm happy with the size of my penis, so I guess this is an acceptable email to have in the Mynx feature ;)

Long time reader, First time submitter,

-Steedmuffin

Honestly I have no idea if it was Paul flipping around like a hotcake but I would love to find out.  There are many things you should bear in mind before challenging Paul to a row of anything, the least of which would be if he can flip around.  Yes, there are plenty more things to worry about indeed.  Glad you're happy with your penis size... may the females you encounter say the same.

  What To Do When You've Got Two
For the last eight months or so I've developed a strong relationship that has been getting stronger since it first began. I've been filled with pleasure for countless hours and had some of the most fun I've experienced in my youth. Now I feel I am beyond the relationship and that I should move on because I have found another but all my friends don't much like her. She is gorgeous and a lot more good looking than my previous love, and she seems extremely experienced for her age. It is as if she is perfect refinement. I don't know what to do, do I try and hang
on to the old relationship until the new one grows and blooms as much as the old one? or do I simply abandon my past and concentrate on the present?

-Double Time

Um. If you don't have those warm fuzzy gooey feelings for chickholio number one, I certainly do not recommend hanging on to her waiting for something to develop with chickholio number two.  Who cares what your friends think, anyway.  They aren't the ones that have to fondle her... you do.  If I did everything my friends recommended I'd have two pierced nipples and an archvile tattoo under my pubic hair... er wait...

Don't be a bungwad.  If you don't care for the first anymore, cut her loose.  Let her go off and find herself a new love, instead of keeping her as a consolation prize should you miss out on the second.

 What To Do When The Goo Won't Spoo
You have got to help me please! The problem is with masturbation. It seems that no matter how I pet, yank, or squeeze "ol' unfaithful" all it does is get hard, hot. No gooey geyser, no anything... this sucks. Please, I ask again oh mighty Mynx, you have all the answers, please help figure out What the hell is wrong with me..

-Spoogeless

Well uh tell me this are you over the age of like 13?  If you're not, you uh shouldn't be reading this column because YOU'RE TOO DAMN YOUNG.  Go read disney.com or something, because you won't be finding any g rated entertainment here young man!  Now then uh... if you're old enough to know how to squeeze your cheese and still nothing comes of it, there could be a myriad of things causing you trouble.  It doesn't sound like you're reaching orgasm at all here, just that you're sort of tooling around, getting bored and moving on.  Hole up with some really good arousal material, a nice bottle of astroglide, and an hour to yourself, and see what happens.  Maybe you'll finally make the pickle puke.  Get back to me, let me know how it goes.

  Loading Your Launcher With Family Ammo
I have a problem... On Christmas day, my family went and had Christmas lunch with the rest of my extended family.  This was really great, as I got to see some of my relatives, some of which I haven't seen for quite some time.  I hadn't seen my cousin (or she me) for some five years, in fact, and seeing her again was quite a shock.  She looked VERY different, and here the problem lies, very attractive.

But that's not all.  She's also sweet, funny and seems to understand pretty much everything I say.  We share interests, and she even (gasp!) plays Quake.

You see, Mynx, my problem is that I think I love my cousin (in the wrong way).  I can't stop thinking about her.
I have no idea what to do about this - I can't say with any certainty what SHE thinks about ME.  Help! am I sick? is this wrong? should I be castrated and sent to live with an order of celibate monks?
 

-Billy Bob

Er no.  You're not sick and twisted and you don't need to be clipped and shipped.  This is someone you hadn't seen in ages and haven't cultivated a "family" relationship with so it's quite normal to view her as simply an unrelated individual.

HOWEVER

The fact remains that she is in fact your cousin.  I'm assuming she's your first cousin.  There are laws against this sort of thing for a reason my dear... namely INBREEDING.  Just don't do it, mmkay?  Inbreeding just isn't good for anyone.  This is one of those oh so delicate situations where I'm going to have to say: Get Over It.

  PQ Naked Mynx, Please Please!
Hey, why don't you send some naked chick shots of yourself into the PQ Q3A box contest?  That would totally rule, and you could have a great time rubbing up against a Q3A box!!

-  Snapper

I don't think so.  Nobody wants to see a naked pregnant chick.  Besides, it would take me a good couple of tins to cover the hootertang, and furthermore, tin is COLD.

Embarrassment Spotlight
I'll make this short and sweet.  Print it if you must, but it goes anonymous, dig?  I have a large Bull Mastiff dog named Shakespeare.  He's "fixed" but he still gets erections.  The other day he had a HUGE one and he was whining and turning around in circles like it hurt.  He rolled over and I got down on my knees to take a closer look, thinking something was wrong.  I reached in to move his tail out of the way and just as my hand grabbed the tail that was right over his huge bright red erection... My mom walked in with my grandmother.  It looked like I was molesting the dog, and he was liking it.  My grandmother still won't speak to me, and that was a week ago.  Argh.


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