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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Y2Gay.
   

This Week:  Chicks with extracurricular fantasy lives, evil net.chicks and the men who love them, premature rocket launching, Quake as a bad influence, wondering if girls like woodies, and a, uh, rather painful sort of Embarrassment Spotlight.  You kids should know by now just NOT to go putting things in there!

  She Likes To Play Pretend

I love your column and I've been reading it since way back when you
started.  I've always noted the good advice you have given and now I think it's time I ask you for some.  I'm in a serious relationship with a
beautiful girl, we're in love and have been going out for a while now, but
recently we had a conversation that kind of bothered me.  Somehow the
conversation kinda swung towards me asking her if she had ever pretended that I was someone else in bed, and she said yes, a few times.  So immediately I was shocked and I asked who it/they were and she immediately clammed up and didn't want to talk about it anymore.  I kept asking questions about it, and she said she didn't want to tell me because it would hurt me.  I'm guessing it could be an ex-boyfriend, a guy friend of hers, or one of my friends.  She's a beautiful and fun girl, wears sexy clothing, so she generally gets a lot of attention and knows a lot of guys.  I mean she always remarks about how hot other guys are.  I know I'm not hot, I'm best described as cute, and she assures me that I am what she wants.  But I guess it still bothers me that she would think of someone else.  What do you think about this Mynx?  I realize that it is a personal thing but still, I want to know, why does it happen, is it a common thing amongst women, and does this mean she isn't happy with me?  I guess I shouldn't worry so much, but I wanted to hear what an expert has to say about it.

-Driller

Yeah, it's normal, and no, it's not your business.  I'm sure she wasn't all that happy to tell you that yes, she did sometimes fantasize, but at least she was honest.  I'm completely unshocked that she clammed up when you tried to get her to tell you who... that's just nothing you need to know.  It could be the dude at the gas station, her dog, your biology teacher or the freakin Pope; it doesn't matter.  She's there with you, she obviously cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you, and you'd be a moron to push the issue.  Everyone is entitled to a fantasy life all their own, and sharing it is a matter of personal choice.  So, put your pouts away and get over it.

  Chicks Are Evil
I figured that you would be the best person to come to for advice on what to do in this situation.  Following the latest trend of things and getting involved with someone on the internet, I am in a mess.  I recently visited this person for a couple of weeks.  Before visiting, everything was going fine and what not.  After and during visiting, everything changed basically.  Basically she said 'I'm not going to worry about you being happy and I am going to do what I want to do.'  It was kind of a slap in the face since I do all the work to pay for the visits and phone calls and such.  I do think she needs to get out more but I would feel much better if her friends were not male.  She insists I have nothing to worry about but it's kinda hard not to when there is a big distance there.  Any thoughts?

-Stepping Stone

Yeah, here's a thought: lose her.  Quite obviously during the visit this chick decided that you two just don't make her couple gland pump, and now she's trying to push you into dumping her.  You're not doing yourself any favors by clinging on to her - it's not going to get any better.  She basically told you she doesn't give a mooshy poo about you... so cut her loose and move on.

  Premature Rocket Launching
First off...damn good column...love it. So here is the deal. I have...well lets call it a stamina problem. Never used to be a problem...if anything I used to mimic the Energizer bunny. However as the years have accumulated along with the length of marriage I find I have lost the duration. WTF is up with that I say. I have asked counselors...same answer every time. Its all in your mind or the famous line..."spank it before and it won't be a problem". Ya right! Any ideas....this put it in and done bit is really getting to me. Plus the nickname five minute man kinda bugs the shit outta me.  Oh wise one...fix this damn problem....PLEASE!

-Minute Man

They could be right.  I know a guy who even does it on the sly while attending to other foreplay activities with girls (hi fRy!!) but there is the chance that this could lessen the overall excitement while you're actually tending to business.  You mention you've been married for awhile.  Are you having any "issues" with that?  It's quite possible you're bored or whatever in your salamandering with the little Missus, just just getting it over with.  Try the kitchen floor or the backseat of the car or something.  A little change will do you good.

  Mynx and Quake: A Bad Influence
My wife woke up this morning to find me, freshly showered and not yet dressed, sitting at the monitor reading Dear Mynx.  She promptly blew a fuse, claiming this to be "the last straw".  She says that all these Quake people, she used you as an example, the Quake games, and the attitudes they display are bad influences and are turning me into a different person that she doesn't like.  I claim to be the same guy I ever was, only now I have found some things the tickle my sense of humor and I'm digging it.  What do I do?  Do I give up on Quake and Quake sites because my wife complained or do I chalk it up to PMS? 

-Under the Influence

Uh, well, you have to weigh your options, here.  Are you enjoying your newfound sense of community enough that you don't mind pissing off your wife?  I mean, sure, most husbands that I know don't list "pissing off the wife" as one of their big fears, but I do know there are a few of you out there who might care.  You could explain to her that you finally feel you've found a group of people who understand you and your nasty goat lust streak, and hope she understands.  Oh, and if she doesn't, you could always threaten to have me come teach her a lesson with some thigh high boots and a riding crop.

  Do Girls Like Woodrow?
Hey Mynx, I know this begining is beat but I just want to say I read your column every week and its rocks.  Any way, lets cut to the chase.  Everytime I make out with a girl be it in the standing, sitting, or laying position, my little soldier always stands at attention.  Now, I know that part is normal, at least I hope it is.  What I was wondering is, what does the girl think about this?  Do they like captain winky pressed against them?  Does it bother them?  Help me, I'd really like to know what they are thinking.

-  Pokey

YES PLEASE!  I for one would be a little concerned and disgruntled if the monkey stick of the one I'm drooling on didn't show a little participation.  If she's bothered by a nice press of wookie, I'd be concerned.  Whatever can we do with a girl who doesn't like a tuber?  Eegads, no!  Don't worry about your little buddy.  He's just doing his job.

Embarrassment Spotlight
I can't believe I'm doing this. Ok, so, it was that time in every male's life when he discovers that it's cool to have a penis. After a few weeks of hose kinking, it was time for a change. What could be done to make the therapy sessions feel better? Enter the hidden cache of the parents' sex manuals. (I know, horrible thought.) Hmmm... what's this? The prostate is yet another erogenous zone? "A daring female can even stimulate her companion's prostate through his anus." Woah. I gotta try that! Sounds good! Oh, awkward moments. Frantically searching for something to jam up the old hershey highway in search of the elusive prostate. Ah, a discarded razor blade handle thing! (You know, one of those ribbed ones.) Spit spit spit... Goosh! After a few moments, I'd had my cake, and was feeling great. WOAH! That was amazing. Now to remove this implement of pleasure. Yank. OUCH! Minor detail. Butt muscles contract and remain contracted for a somewhat lengthy moment of time after an orgasm! NOOO!!! I had a shaving handle in my arse! I tried to get it out, but it just wouldn't budge. Knock knock on the bathroom door. (Did I mention I was in the shower?) Daddy wants in. I've been in for 20 minutes. Uh-oh. Get out of shower, walk to door, unlock door, run backwards quickly back to the shower. Daddy walks in and starts shaving. (No, I wasn't using a razor handle that anyone was going to use again!) I just stay in the shower tugging and grunting. OW! OW! OW! Dad wonders why I'm in still in the shower. "I'm just, uh, shy! Yeah!" Steps out of shower, making sure I don't bare the butt cheeks and the strange protrusion. Get a towel, rap it around me, and run like hell for my room. After crying for about 15 minutes trying to figure out what I was going to do if I had to go to the emergency room or something (What would people think?!), FLOOP, out comes the handle with dingle-berry-crust all over it. Oh, happy day! Never again will any foreign objects enter my ass.


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