This Week: Chicks with extracurricular fantasy
lives, evil net.chicks and the men who love them, premature
rocket launching, Quake as a bad influence, wondering if girls
like woodies, and a, uh, rather painful sort of Embarrassment
Spotlight. You kids should know by now just NOT to go
putting things in there!
She Likes To Play Pretend
I love your column and I've been reading it since way back when you
started. I've always noted the good advice you have
given and now I think it's time I ask you for some. I'm
in a serious relationship with a
beautiful girl, we're in
love and have been going out for a while now, but
we had a conversation that kind of bothered me. Somehow
conversation kinda swung towards me asking her if she
had ever pretended that I was someone else in bed, and she
said yes, a few times. So immediately I was shocked and
I asked who it/they were and she immediately clammed up and
didn't want to talk about it anymore. I kept asking
questions about it, and she said she didn't want to tell me
because it would hurt me. I'm guessing it could be an
ex-boyfriend, a guy friend of hers, or one of my
friends. She's a beautiful and fun girl, wears sexy
clothing, so she generally gets a lot of attention and knows a
lot of guys. I mean she always remarks about how hot
other guys are. I know I'm not hot, I'm best described
as cute, and she assures me that I am what she wants.
But I guess it still bothers me that she would think of
someone else. What do you think about this Mynx? I
realize that it is a personal thing but still, I want to know,
why does it happen, is it a common thing amongst women, and
does this mean she isn't happy with me? I guess I
shouldn't worry so much, but I wanted to hear what an expert has to say about it.
Yeah, it's normal, and no, it's not
your business. I'm sure she wasn't all that happy to
tell you that yes, she did sometimes fantasize, but at least
she was honest. I'm completely unshocked that she
clammed up when you tried to get her to tell you who...
that's just nothing you need to know. It could be
the dude at the gas station, her
dog, your biology teacher or the freakin Pope; it
doesn't matter. She's there with you, she obviously
cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you, and you'd be a
moron to push the issue. Everyone is entitled to a
fantasy life all their own, and sharing it is a matter of
personal choice. So, put your pouts away and get over it.
Chicks Are Evil
I figured that
you would be the best person to come to for advice on what to
do in this situation. Following the latest trend of
things and getting involved with someone on the internet, I am
in a mess. I recently visited this person for a couple
of weeks. Before visiting, everything was going fine and
what not. After and during visiting, everything changed
basically. Basically she said 'I'm not going to worry
about you being happy and I am going to do what I want to
do.' It was kind of a slap in the face since I do all
the work to pay for the visits and phone calls and such.
I do think she needs to get out more but I would feel much
better if her friends were not male. She insists I have
nothing to worry about but it's kinda hard not to when there
is a big distance there. Any thoughts?
Yeah, here's a thought: lose her.
Quite obviously during the visit this chick decided that you
two just don't make her couple gland pump, and now she's
trying to push you into dumping her. You're not doing
yourself any favors by clinging on to her - it's not going to
get any better. She basically told you she doesn't give
a mooshy poo about you... so cut her loose and move on.
First off...damn good column...love it.
So here is the deal. I have...well lets call it a stamina
problem. Never used to be a problem...if anything I used to
mimic the Energizer bunny. However as the years have
accumulated along with the length of marriage I find I have
lost the duration. WTF is up with that I
say. I have asked counselors...same answer every time. Its all
in your mind or the famous line..."spank it before
and it won't be a problem". Ya right! Any ideas....this
put it in and done bit is really getting to me. Plus
the nickname five minute man kinda bugs the shit outta me.
Oh wise one...fix this damn problem....PLEASE!
They could be right. I know a guy
who even does it on the sly while attending to other foreplay
activities with girls (hi fRy!!) but there is the chance that
this could lessen the overall excitement while you're actually
tending to business. You mention you've been married for
awhile. Are you having any "issues" with that?
It's quite possible you're bored or whatever in your
salamandering with the little Missus, just just getting it
over with. Try the kitchen floor or the backseat of the
car or something. A little change will do you good.
Mynx and Quake: A Bad Influence
wife woke up this morning to find me, freshly showered
and not yet dressed, sitting at the monitor reading Dear
Mynx. She promptly blew a fuse, claiming this to be "the
last straw". She says that all these Quake people, she
used you as an example, the Quake games, and the attitudes
they display are bad influences and are turning me into
a different person that she doesn't like. I claim
to be the same guy I ever was, only now I have found some
things the tickle my sense of humor and I'm digging
it. What do I do? Do I give up on Quake and Quake
sites because my wife complained or do I chalk it up
-Under the Influence
Uh, well, you have to weigh your
options, here. Are you enjoying your newfound sense of
community enough that you don't mind pissing off your
wife? I mean, sure, most husbands that I know don't list
"pissing off the wife" as one of their big fears, but I do
know there are a few of you out there who might care.
You could explain to her that you finally feel you've found a
group of people who understand you and your nasty goat lust
streak, and hope she understands. Oh, and if she
doesn't, you could always threaten to have me come teach her a
lesson with some thigh high boots and a riding crop.
Do Girls Like Woodrow?
Hey Mynx, I know this begining is beat
but I just want to say I read your column every week and its
rocks. Any way, lets cut to the chase. Everytime I
make out with a girl be it in the standing, sitting, or laying
position, my little soldier always stands at attention.
Now, I know that part is normal, at least I hope it is.
What I was wondering is, what does the
girl think about this? Do they like captain winky pressed
against them? Does it bother them? Help me, I'd really like
to know what they are thinking.
YES PLEASE! I for one would be a
little concerned and disgruntled if the monkey stick of the
one I'm drooling on didn't show a little participation.
If she's bothered by a nice press of wookie, I'd be
concerned. Whatever can we do with a girl who doesn't
like a tuber? Eegads, no! Don't worry about your
little buddy. He's just doing his job.
I can't believe
I'm doing this. Ok, so, it was that time in every male's life
when he discovers that it's cool to have a penis. After a few
weeks of hose kinking, it was time for a change. What could be
done to make the therapy sessions feel better? Enter the
hidden cache of the parents' sex manuals. (I know, horrible
thought.) Hmmm... what's this? The prostate is yet another
erogenous zone? "A daring female can even stimulate her
companion's prostate through his anus." Woah. I gotta try
that! Sounds good! Oh, awkward moments. Frantically searching
for something to jam up the old hershey highway in search of
the elusive prostate. Ah, a discarded razor blade handle
thing! (You know, one of those ribbed ones.) Spit spit spit...
Goosh! After a few moments, I'd had my cake, and was feeling
great. WOAH! That was amazing. Now to remove this implement of
pleasure. Yank. OUCH! Minor detail. Butt muscles contract and
remain contracted for a somewhat lengthy moment of time after
an orgasm! NOOO!!! I had a shaving handle in my arse! I tried
to get it out, but it just wouldn't budge. Knock knock on the
bathroom door. (Did I mention I was in the shower?) Daddy
wants in. I've been in for 20 minutes. Uh-oh. Get out of
shower, walk to door, unlock door, run backwards quickly back
to the shower. Daddy walks in and starts shaving. (No, I
wasn't using a razor handle that anyone was going to use
again!) I just stay in the shower tugging and grunting. OW!
OW! OW! Dad wonders why I'm in still in the shower. "I'm just,
uh, shy! Yeah!" Steps out of shower, making sure I don't bare
the butt cheeks and the strange protrusion. Get a towel, rap
it around me, and run like hell for my room. After crying for
about 15 minutes trying to figure out what I was going to do
if I had to go to the emergency room or something (What would
people think?!), FLOOP, out comes the handle with
dingle-berry-crust all over it. Oh, happy day! Never again
will any foreign objects enter my