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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Get off me cheese!

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Which mynx came first, what's it like to trade wives, should you be gay in a Quake clan?  Sex dreams, more questions on mowing the short n curlies, and a cute little Valentine's Day Embarrassment Spotlight.  Hope you buttmonkeys had a nice greasy naked heart day.

   Mynx, Mynx Bot, Turkey Jerky!
Two questions for you.  For one, which came first, mynx pq, or mynx q3a.  Was the bot some sorta homage to you?  Second question.  I recently tried um, what did you call it?  Oh yeah.  Strangling the mangler.  I'm pretty sure I did it right, but it didnt really do much for me.  I know I'm not gay.  Is this normal?  Are there guys who just dont need to be jerkin the turkey?  Is there something wrong with me?


There can be only one.  I came first, but then I usually do.  Anyway, when it comes to waking, hey, take it or leave it.  You don't HAVE to grab your jabber just because I say so.  If you're perfectly content to leave your little winkie alone, then go right ahead.  But I still say wanking is more fun than nothing.

Woo, Fun Fun Fun!
Dear Mynx,  I have a problem that I think you might be able to address.  I have a friend who wants me to switch wives with him for a night a pleasure.  They have done this before and find it very enjoyable.  I have to admit that I am curious to expierence this for I find his wife very attractive.  He is constantly asking me when we are going to trade and has even asked my wife himself.  Her reply was a NO but, I think she is kind of curious too. My main question though is, if she agrees to trade would this have a effect on our relationship in the long run?

-Trader Joe

Think back for a minute.  Do you still have any sort of productive relationship with anyone (besides your wife) that you've slept with previously?  Does your wife?  I would wager that trading spouses for the night will probably be really fun for the few hours you're handcuffed to the bed, but after that it may be kind of difficult to have a beer with your pal knowing that he's had his massive 11 incher in any one of seven ports on your wife.  Speaking of your wife, she already said no, so this is kind of moot.  But, should you bring it up again, you'll have to be very gentle and understanding.  It's kind of hard to take "honey, I'd like to stuff Joe's wife like a Christmas grouse" without it sounding like "you suck and I'd rather stick my face in HIS nagging wife".  See?  Personally I'd have to say it would be better to invite the wives to have a little fun together, and you can watch.  Doesn't that sound like more fun?

  Clans Against Funky Buttlove
Heres the 411. I joined a local Quake clan recently after attending a few local LAN party's. The guys in the clan are great and I've become friends with a few of them outside of the world of online quake and LAN's. The thing is, I think these guys are kind of, well, homophobic, and I'm Gay. It was fine when we only ever talked online and at LAN's, but now that we've been doing stuff outside of Quake as well, I'm pretty sure they'll figure it out eventually. Should I tell them and risk losing some friends, as well as having to find a new clan? Or should I just try to hide it?

-Closet Monster

Let me just clarify something: You're not running around rubbing up against these other guys, biting them and otherwise initiating leg humps, right?  Right?  Well then who cares?  Have any of them taken you aside and said "listen, man, I'm heterosexual.  I just thought you should know.  Will you still be my friend?"  Screw 'em (well, ok not literally).  You are who you are.  You wouldn't feel the need to tell them you have blue eyes or brown hair or a third nipple or something, right?  Just do your thing and have fun at the LAN parties, and get back to me when you have a crush on one of them or something.  There's nothing wrong with you that you need to warn them about.  Go live your life.

  Sweet Dreams Are Made of This
I am married and have a child. They are the best things that have happened to me in my life. Recently I have been having many dreams...that are...errhh...sexual dreams :-0 about other Women...glad I made that clear :-| Last night was an exquisite one to say the least :-) I recall going into the bedroom with this girl at my old job and doing every imaginable deed to her.

Weird thing was my Schmeckle dude was a WHOLE LOT BIGGER than what it was in real life. Siggy Freud said that the penile image in a dream usually stood for fertility right? What I am wondering is why I am having all of these sexual dreams. I mean WOW it feels like I am in them doing it. I wake up all Guilty but then relax when I realize it was a dream. My wife said every now and then she has sex dreams and she says she tries to enjoy them as much as possible :-|???? Dunno how to react to that one.

Maybe I should relax and just do what she does or maybe there is something wrong with me??? I mean is it normal to dream about bumpin grindin and such like about 3-4 times a week?? 

-Dreamy Stud

I agree with your wife.  Enjoy it while it lasts!  You're not doing anything wrong, you're sleeping.  The only problem I can see is sticky sheets and hey, that's what washing machines are for, dig?  And furthermore, if you find yourself with a foot long schlong in one of these dreams, who cares what it represents?  That's gotta be fun.  I mean, I'd find it fun, anyway.  Sex dreams are fun.  They're even more fun if you actually get to the frosting part of the nookie cake.  I unfortunately always wake up before that part.  Sometimes life just ain't fair.

 Smooth Move
I'm writing this to you because you're the only person I can think to ask who can't laugh in my face (well, maybe you'll laugh, but I don't have to see it).  Here's my dilemma:  my previous girlfriend (we broke up about a month ago) was shaved 'down there' (if you don't know what I mean, I've got the wrong Mynx at PQ).  Because I'm the sensitive, caring 31 year old guy that I am, I started shaving 'down there' also.  I've continued the practice since the break up because I've found I prefer it.  Now the problem.  A razor just doesn't seem to 'cut it'.  I can't get rid of all the stubble, and believe you me, that is one place you do NOT want stubble.  I've heard of the chemical hair removal creams and stuff (such as 'Nair'), and I'm wondering if it's safe for use in that particular location.  Any other ideas would also be appreciated (say 'hot wax' and I hunt you down and beat you over the head with a surf board <G>)

Well, put your surfboard away there, sailor.  Wax is my answer, although it doesn't have to be hot anymore.  There's cold wax these days.  Shaving is really labor intensive, and you have to do it at least daily to maintain a nice smooth munchkin.  Nair and other chemical hair removers are just plain evil.  Not to mention, they stink.  I have a friend who tried to Nair his nads and ended up with a nasty chemical burn.  Typically pubic hair is much coarser and thicker than leg type hair, which is what Nair and others are recommended for.  Thus, you have to leave them on longer to get the job done - if it works - and honestly having chemicals so potent they dissolve HAIR on my skin kind of freaks me out.  Waxing sounds scarier than it really is.  Granted, you are ripping hair out by the root, but it doesn't hurt all that bad anyway - trust me, I know these things.  You can do it yourself, but I would recommend having it done at a salon.  Even I have a hard time waxing my own woo woo.  So, hit the salon.  Yeah yeah, get over it.  They wax coochies and schmekkies every day, nobody cares.  So you embarrass yourself for an hour every six weeks.  The result is a very smooth stubby that will remain smooth for weeks at a time.  It's worth the quick pain.

 Embarrassment Spotlight
In honor of our just passed Valentine's Day (didja get anything good?) I'm sharing this timely little morsel.  It made me laugh, but then again, you know I love corny stuff.  Thanks to Lemur for sharing his torment.

So my girlfriend buys me this tie right?  We had our romantic V day dinner the day before V day because I was going out of town.  Anyways after dessert just before I get my nookie on she wants to do gifts.  So she gives me this silk tie and it's got this V day theme on it and it's cool and all, so I thank her, give her the necklace I got for her and we get naked.  Score.

Next day, I'm rushing around to catch my flight and I decide to wear the tie because it will remind me of her.  I fly to Mountain View and have meetings all day.  I notice people giving me funny grins but I figured it was just a V day thing.  Not until one of the EA's says to me "oh so YOU are the guy with the tie that they were talking about" that I finally realize that there is TEXT on the tie.  It says "I've got a heart on for you".  Oops!


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