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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Come get some.

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Girls with boy friends and boyfriends that hate 'em, sexing up Romero (no really), the smell of carp, judging the need for viagra (unf unf), and a plea for Mynx's panties.  You people are twisted.

   Girls Suck
Most of my friends are guys, for two reasons: 1) I like computers, they're what I do, and there aren't a lot of girls around me in this industry, and 2) Even if there were, I'd still hang out with guys because I just generally like them better.  This wouldn't be a bad thing, except that the significant others I've had have all been a little less than enthusiastic about it.  I won't give up my friends for my boyfriends, and I know that this bothers them.  They don't say anything directly but they get that sorta "Sure, it's OK if you go out, just leave me here all by myself while you go out with some guy..." way about them.  I try to limit going out with my guy friends to a minimum - like once a month.  In the end I feel sort of held back.  I just can't see brushing off my friends for my boyfriend.  At the same time I think I should sacrifice more, because I doubt I would appreciate it if he was going out with chicks all the time.  What's a girl to do?


Well, yeah, girls suck.  I've been saying this for years.  All my life, most of my friends have been guys, with the exception of one or two close girlfriends.  Girls just pretty much bug the holy balls outta me.  Hey, call me sexist, I don't care.  Girls are all about who is prettier than who, who has a cuter boyfriend and a better battery powered goat, yadda yadda.  Lame.  Guys are much more laid back and accepting and in my experience, generally fun to be around.  Besides that, never underestimate the value of being the only girl in a gaggle of boys.  Oh, the things you learn.  Anyway.  Your boyfriend is trapped in that whole "men and women can't be friends because sex gets in the way" thing.  Bzzt, wrongo.  Tell him that your friends are just like his friends, and ask him if you should be suspicious when he goes out with other guys.  Should you worry that he's suddenly going to drop all defenses and just demand some funky buttlovin from his guy friends?  No?  Well neither should he.

  John Romero: Sex God
I want to sex up John Romero.  Can you help me? 

-Preacher Boy

Ew.  Um, I mean, come on.  This is The Romero we're talking about.  Like, that guy with the hair.  You know, the one with the tall blonde boobie woman girlfriend?  I'm sure he appreciates your affection and all, but really, what's he gunna want in some hairy computer geek?  Thanks, drive through.

  Do You Smell.... Clams?
Every once in awhile, going about my daily activities, I notice a distinct aroma of... genitals.  Is the smell of penis and/or vagina unappealing?  Is it okay if you can smell it sometimes?

-FDS Woman

Well.  Sure, to an extent.  I mean, in the right context, a nice whiff of seaside can be a good thing, even exciting, but you don't want to be walking around stinking like the swamp thing.  If there is a seriously strong odor or even some sort of cheezy funk hanging around the beef curtains, you should probably see a doctor.  But if you're well bathed, and have a spanking fresh pair of crisp cotton undies (please, no nylon or other synthetic fabrics - they don't breathe, trap moisture, and generally just make you skanky) and you still have a green fungal smelling jungle, something's outta whack.  If it's just a gentle, occasional, pleasant waft of eau do pootay, you're alright.  All systems normal.

  His Snoopy Is Droopy
I'm 23 and have been dating my first girlfriend for the past five months. After two months of courtship, we decided to engage in sex.

There's one problem though (aside from me being a total virgin) -- I'm impotent.

Yes, Mynxie, it's not after the first "try," but the two dozen or so times after .... I just lose my hard-on, then all sex drive moments into intercourse. At first, I thought it was just jitters, but now I think something is seriously wrong with me.

I've gone to see a doctor and they want a blood test. The doc even mentioned he could get me Viagra for a discount. I haven't heard back from the doctors yet, but I've been looking up online on impotence ... I know I'm not diabetic, and I'm not taking any depressive medications that could render me in such a way (although this situation is making me depressed as hell). But I am overweight and have a stressful job. It takes me anywhere from 3 minutes to 45 to do the job solo. The only thing is, I can't find anything on guys as young as me -- it's all information for 40 or 50-year-old guys with nice health insurance plans and cash to spend. Aside from Viagra and its side-effects, there's no way in hell I'm putting a 6-inch needle in my dick, and I can't afford surgery or penile implants (besides, they look goofy).

The other thing is my girlfriend. While she's A LOT hornier than I am (she initiates most of the action), she's says she's understanding and won't drop me for sex. It's not all the relationship is about, she keeps telling me. That I agree. I love her, but I think if I don't give my 300% best as a boyfriend -- and don't fix the gun -- she'll jump ship.
Also, we're sarcastic, and she tends to make jokes on this a bit much -- and it's really hurting me.

So, can I trust her? Is it common for a guy my age to be faced with impotence? What can I do? I get depressed whenever the word sex is mentioned, so -- HELP

-Bob Dole

I'm sorry about your gobbler.  Personally I'd be more inclined to take the psycho route than the drug route.  Perhaps the problem is something subconscious?  Maybe you were bitten on the lovefish by a rabid possum at a young age, blocked it out, and now your poor penis suffers from some sort of post traumatic stress thing.  You might consider seeing a counselor before submitting to blood draws and other invasive type things, though, and see what, well, comes of it.  As for your girlfriend, ok, so she has a stronger sex drive.  You don't need to rely only on your penis to scratch her itch.  You've got hands, you've got a mouth, hell, you've got toes, use em!  This should give her some sort of candy to pacify her while she helps you through this hard time - or not hard as the case may be.  To trust her, well, you're just going to have to either trust her, or not, there's no in between.  Sit down with her and tell her that it hurts your wittle feelings when she makes jokes about rover playing dead, and that while you understand it is not so easy for her to cope with (from her position, she could feel there's something wrong with her and she's not attractive enough to you), you are working your best to get to the source of the turnip trouble and need her love and support.  The outcome of this conversation should reveal how "trustworthy" she is to you.  In the meantime, find yourself a shrink, and talk to him - or her - about your dingus.  I can guarantee they won't try to draw blood.

 Mynx's Underpants!
I know you're busy with your life and work and kids and stuff, but i'm wondering if you could take the time out from your busy schedule to send me something of yours?  If it's not too much trouble, a pair of your panties?  Unwashed is okay, in fact, preferred.  Thanks.  Here's my address: <edited>

Ahem.  No.  Nope, nuhuh, sorry, nosir.  At this stage in pregnancy, the "oh so rotund" phase, comfortable panties are like gold.  I finally found some that are cut high enough in the leg and low enough in the waist (so as not to molest my distended bellybutton), and I'm NOT GIVING THEM UP.  I don't care how much you beg, I don't care if you're Paul Steed in disguise, you CANNOT have my panties.  Well okay so *maybe* if you were, I'd consider it, but I'd still say no way.  I'm not letting these panties out of my ass... er, sight.

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