Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take
your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just
a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk
to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!
Week: Mynx prepares a brand-spankin' new (ow) column
for next week, so while she gets it ready, we treat you to
a retrospective Mynx: sexin' up the developers! They must
be sexier than the average geek, judging by how many letters
Mynx gets on that hunk o' burnin' love, John Romero. So enjoy,
and slaver with anticipation for next week's column.
Does Paul Steed Play for the Home Team? (11/10/99)
I gotta say it Mynxy. I think Paul Steed
is gay. That's right, a homosexual! I've never seen so much
overcompensation in my life as we get from this guy! No regular
guy struts around like that - he chases after hootchie like
a little kid after an ice cream truck! I can't help but wonder
if he's not trying to prove something. The worst part is he
has YOU fooled, and you don't strike me as the sort who fools
easily. How can anyone possibly buy that act? My gaydar goes
PING PING PING! He gives us regular guys a bad name.
-Big Gay Al
Hoooooo boy. I hate to burst your bubble honey but I don't
think anyone would work THAT hard at something they didn't
really love, dig? Chalk it up to an obscene overdose of testosterone.
You know, you may as well toss out that gaydar - you're jamming
up the frequency. Just accept the fact that because you have
a twig and berries, you don't have a chance at shagging Mr.
Steed. I know it's painful, but I'm sure there's a man out
there for you, you just have to go out and find him.
can wish Steed were gay just as much as I wish big old naked
bongo playing Matthew McConaughey were straight, but wishing
really hard just ain't gunna cut it.
Paul Steed Appreciation Society (12/9/99)
I love Paul Steed. Yeah, I'm a guy, but
so what. Anyway, that's all. I just had to tell someone.
Testify, mah brotha. Can I get an amen?
John Romero: Gotta Love Him (1/12/99)
Do you ever fantasize about John Romero?
Because I sure do - I can't help but wish I were him, or with
him, or Quaking with him, or brushing his hair or something.
He just seems to be able to do all sorts of great shit with
the greatest of ease and something about that or about him
just makes me love him for some reason. So what would you
tell me, an ordinary average joe, who loves John Romero? Hey
you know him right? Could you introduce us??
don't think so. Uh to the best of my knowledge I have never
knowingly fantasized about John Romero. I mean have some compassion,
dude. How could I lust after a guy who has better hair than
I do? It's just not possible. But I guess I can understand
your affliction. Loving someone from afar is never easy, no
matter how much crack you've been smoking, and I can respect
your passionate feelings on the matter. So, I'll tell you,
it's just fine to love Romero... from afar. Not behind, not
above, not below... afar. It would be best for everyone involved
if you just kept this little nugget for your own use, mmkay?
And no, I won't introduce you. I won't be playing matchmaker
for a love connection like this one anytime soon.
John Romero's Nipples
I have recently acquired a photograph of John Romero's
nipples. Other than what appears to be a rather sparse spot
of hair surrounding them, they seem to be a lovely set. The
problem I'm having is that my copy is really just a photocopy
of a photocopy; the quality is terrible. I want to see John's
nipples clearly and (gasp!) in colour. Can you give me any
I fear this photograph. Don't you know looking at Romero's
+2 nips of death will cause immediate blindness and in some
cases even paralysis?! I would recommend that you stay far
far away from these minions of satan! So, no. I can't give
you any pointers other than "seek help".
That Make You Go Hmmm (1/14/99)
I have a crush on John Romero. Something about that flowing,
conditioned, purfumed mane makes parts of me go pitter patter.
The thing is, I'm a (to the best of my knowledge) straight
male. What gives?
Believe it or not, I really don't know. This is one of those
paradoxes, those elusive mysteries of the universe. When does
Blue sleep, how does Paul get into those jeans, why do men
lust after Romero? I can't explain it, I sort of fear it,
and I'm just not going to go there.
Was A Teenage Quake-Wolf (7/23/99)
I know you're going to think I'm nuts, but I keep fantasizing
about biting John Carmack. Not to hurt him or anything, just
want to walk up to him and nip him on the cheek or on the
shoulder. I'm starting to feel ashamed of myself and really
freakish for wanting to bite him. I don't want to draw blood
or puncture his skin or anything, so please don't think I
want to suck his blood. I'm afraid to talk to anyone, even
my wife, about this - you're the only person I can think to
the words "restraining order" mean anything to you? You probably
have all sorts of warm and cuddly feelings for Mr. Carmack
and some instinctual animalistic part of you wants to just
sink your teeth into that computer-geek flesh of his. You
just want to eat him up! I don't think you have anything to
be ashamed of - just don't run around acting out this particular
fantasy. I doubt Mr. Carmack is interested in some strange
dude running up and chomping down on him. I'm sure a handshake
would, uh, do the job in a much more civilized manner. Down