Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take
your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just
a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk
to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!
Week: Having the crew over for a good old fashioned
circlejerk, another drugs are bad mynx service announcement,
making your way from an ICQ fling to real life buttsmacking,
and getting a girl's opinion on boners. You gotta
love boner questions. Oh, and check out this week's
installment of Guess the Geek... you'd never know an afro
was lurking under that bowlcut!
I was having a conversation with a friend
of mine over the internet, and we got to discussing mutual
group masturbation. We're not sure whether it'd be a
fun and exciting prospect to jack off with a bunch of other
little kids, or a frightening and weird experience.
I personally think that the only way you could get me to get
it up with 10 other kids staring at it would be if you pumped
me full of Viagra--I'd be scared
shitless! However, it does remind me of playing Holy
Wars. I'm almost always a Sinner because I suck so badly,
and I feel so NAUGHTY when I'm a Sinner! I and the other
Sinners just have such an orgy of delight hunting down that
bastard! Seeing the Saint finally burst into gibs is almost
akin to a very intense orgasm... Well anyway where was
I...oh yeah: do you think it's a bit detrimental to one's
mental health to masturbate in a group setting, or is it perfectly
fine? If it feels good, do it?
Well uh okay when you say "kids", I really hope you're
not talking like a group of 8 to 10 year olds here.
Please please. Um, beyond that, I dunno how detrimental
it is, exactly, if the lot of you are all interested in what
you're doing and willing to be a part of a community milkshaking.
My guess is you'd all agree to do it, then you'd group up
and sort of stare at each other and blush and make dorky guy
type jokes then start punching each other on the arms and
saying stuff like "Haw, I just wanted to see if you would
actually do it, LAMER! I wasn't gunna do it!"
Then you'll all probably watch some Pokemon or play Nintendo
or something. I'm all for the thrill of the naughty,
but like, stick to Holy Wars, 'kay?
And They Say It Doesn't Kill Brain Cells
Do you know of any way to get THC out
of your system? Coz its really screwin up my school
Well I'm told that the herb Goldenseal
(often found in a combo with Echinacea) helps, but honestly,
being the straight laced and innocent young thing that I am,
I can't tell you for sure. I can however tell you that
drinking lots of water won't do a hooter tweakin thing for
you, except perhaps enhance your complexion and make you pee.
Or here's an idea! Stop smoking the sticky purple passion!
Holy balls, can you believe it?! That might actually
Okay. I'm a definite gamer, social
disability and all. Hence, I've never had a girlfriend!
(I'm 21 and ashamed). Then one day comes along a random
chat from ICQ... after a couple months of talking I guess
you could say we have a pretty solid relationship. Heck,
I've told her more than I've told anybody else, and definitely
look forward to our conversations each day. So my problem
is, our relationship is solely over ICQ. She's like,
paranoid or something, and doesn't want to meet at all (though
she keeps saying "I never said never")... she won't even give
me a phone number... I really want to go forward in this
relationship, meaning meeting. I'm not a fan of cybersex,and I
tend to avoid the subject when it comes up between us (I don't
want to hurt her)... anyway, what do you recommend?
Speaking as someone who like, met her husband on the netzor
and stuff, uh, I gotta say... it can be really scary to make
that leap from net to life. It scared the balls outta
me, I'll tell you that. (Well, it would have had I nads
in the first place). You can protect yourself from getting
too involved when it's just online. Going face to face
opens you up for all sorts of letdowns and hurts and realities.
She could be really scared that she'd meet you and you'd have
a tiny penis. Or that you'd think she was ugly.
Or she could have told you that her boobs are really bigger
than they are, or vice versa with her ass. Or she could
be a guy, or married, or BOTH, the list is endless.
It comes down to how much you are willing to take. She's
just going to keep this up as long as you keep letting her.
Tell her what you want, lay it all out. Just say, "BigUns069,
I have developed big stiff strong feelings for you, and I
can't help but want to slide in and take this relationship
to the next step. I need to know one way or the other,
so here is your opportunity to open 'em, er, up to me, and
tell me how it will be. I need to know now if we can
meet, and if not, for the love of butthair, release me!!"
Or something like that. Meanwhile my now-husband that
I met online and I will just sit back, watch 'N Synch MTV
specials, eat fritos, and be glad that neither of us had backhair
problems. At least, we didn't when we met, and that
was the important thing.
Oh My GOD, It Gets HARD!
It is to you that I will first turn for advice on this subject,
all-knowing gaming goddess. Ok, let me lay it out for you.
I am a normal (haha) 16 year old guy and just recently started
going out with this girl. She is great and I love to be around
her, but another part of me loves to be around her a *lot*.
The thing is, whenever we start our kissing marathons Mr.
Happy awakens and stands up. After we are done kissing, she
has a tendency to want to hug tightly...which is cool but
Mr. Happy is still at attention. My question is: Are girls
disgusted to be stabbed just a little bit through a guy's
pants by his little friend? I mean...I would hope she expects
some reaction from our kissing out of me, but still...do girls
mind or even think about being poked through a guy's khakis?
Long live Mynx (that's you).
Hi. Boners = GOOD. Maybe it's just me but I personally
would be really worried if I ran a kissing marathon and didn't
get a boner flag when I crossed the finish line. I mean,
jeez, I'd probably be offended! I don't know a whole
lot of chicks that would be grossed out by a stab from the
Guykatana in the leg... in fact, I don't WANNA know chicks
that would be grossed out by such a thing. So to reiterate,
boners are good. I like boners.
Name That Game Geek
Last week's geek actually stumped
some of you - I'm shocked and dismayed! I thought the
groovy purple velour zipper shirt would give it away, no contest.
I bet this little pooper's mommy just had no idea what
she was in for. Kids these days!
"Hey baby, I've got a bucket of fried chicken in my pants...
wanna get greasy?!"