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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Guykatana.
   

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Having the crew over for a good old fashioned circlejerk, another drugs are bad mynx service announcement, making your way from an ICQ fling to real life buttsmacking, and getting a girl's opinion on boners.  You gotta love boner questions.  Oh, and check out this week's installment of Guess the Geek... you'd never know an afro was lurking under that bowlcut!


   Turtletossers Anonymous
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine over the internet, and we got to discussing mutual group masturbation.  We're not sure whether it'd be a fun and exciting prospect to jack off with a bunch of other little kids, or a frightening and weird experience.  I personally think that the only way you could get me to get it up with 10 other kids staring at it would be if you pumped me full of Viagra--I'd be scared
shitless!  However, it does remind me of playing Holy Wars.  I'm almost always a Sinner because I suck so badly, and I feel so NAUGHTY when I'm a Sinner!  I and the other Sinners just have such an orgy of delight hunting down that bastard!  Seeing the Saint finally burst into gibs is almost akin to a very intense orgasm...  Well anyway where was I...oh yeah: do you think it's a bit detrimental to one's mental health to masturbate in a group setting, or is it perfectly fine?  If it feels good, do it?

-Yanker

Well uh okay when you say "kids", I really hope you're not talking like a group of 8 to 10 year olds here.  Please please.  Um, beyond that, I dunno how detrimental it is, exactly, if the lot of you are all interested in what you're doing and willing to be a part of a community milkshaking.  My guess is you'd all agree to do it, then you'd group up and sort of stare at each other and blush and make dorky guy type jokes then start punching each other on the arms and saying stuff like "Haw, I just wanted to see if you would actually do it, LAMER!  I wasn't gunna do it!"  Then you'll all probably watch some Pokemon or play Nintendo or something.  I'm all for the thrill of the naughty, but like, stick to Holy Wars, 'kay?


  And They Say It Doesn't Kill Brain Cells
Do you know of any way to get THC out of your system?  Coz its really screwin up my school work.

-Weedeater

Well I'm told that the herb Goldenseal (often found in a combo with Echinacea) helps, but honestly, being the straight laced and innocent young thing that I am, I can't tell you for sure.  I can however tell you that drinking lots of water won't do a hooter tweakin thing for you, except perhaps enhance your complexion and make you pee.  Or here's an idea!  Stop smoking the sticky purple passion!  Holy balls, can you believe it?!  That might actually WORK!


 Faceless Net.Love
Okay.  I'm a definite gamer, social disability and all.  Hence, I've never had a girlfriend! (I'm 21 and ashamed).  Then one day comes along a random chat from ICQ... after a couple months of talking I guess you could say we have a pretty solid relationship.  Heck, I've told her more than I've told anybody else, and definitely look forward to our conversations each day. So my problem is, our relationship is solely over ICQ.  She's like, paranoid or something, and doesn't want to meet at all (though she keeps saying "I never said never")... she won't even give me a phone number... I really want to go forward in this relationship, meaning meeting.  I'm not a fan of cybersex,and I tend to avoid the subject when it comes up between us (I don't want to hurt her)... anyway, what do you recommend? 

-Netlover

Speaking as someone who like, met her husband on the netzor and stuff, uh, I gotta say... it can be really scary to make that leap from net to life.  It scared the balls outta me, I'll tell you that.  (Well, it would have had I nads in the first place).  You can protect yourself from getting too involved when it's just online.  Going face to face opens you up for all sorts of letdowns and hurts and realities.  She could be really scared that she'd meet you and you'd have a tiny penis.  Or that you'd think she was ugly.  Or she could have told you that her boobs are really bigger than they are, or vice versa with her ass.  Or she could be a guy, or married, or BOTH, the list is endless.  It comes down to how much you are willing to take.  She's just going to keep this up as long as you keep letting her.  Tell her what you want, lay it all out.  Just say, "BigUns069, I have developed big stiff strong feelings for you, and I can't help but want to slide in and take this relationship to the next step.  I need to know one way or the other, so here is your opportunity to open 'em, er, up to me, and tell me how it will be.  I need to know now if we can meet, and if not, for the love of butthair, release me!!"

Or something like that.  Meanwhile my now-husband that I met online and I will just sit back, watch 'N Synch MTV specials, eat fritos, and be glad that neither of us had backhair problems.  At least, we didn't when we met, and that was the important thing.


    Oh My GOD, It Gets HARD! 
It is to you that I will first turn for advice on this subject, all-knowing gaming goddess. Ok, let me lay it out for you. I am a normal (haha) 16 year old guy and just recently started going out with this girl. She is great and I love to be around her, but another part of me loves to be around her a *lot*. The thing is, whenever we start our kissing marathons Mr. Happy awakens and stands up. After we are done kissing, she has a tendency to want to hug tightly...which is cool but Mr. Happy is still at attention. My question is: Are girls disgusted to be stabbed just a little bit through a guy's pants by his little friend? I mean...I would hope she expects some reaction from our kissing out of me, but still...do girls mind or even think about being poked through a guy's khakis? Long live Mynx (that's you).

-Stubby

Hi.  Boners = GOOD.  Maybe it's just me but I personally would be really worried if I ran a kissing marathon and didn't get a boner flag when I crossed the finish line.  I mean, jeez, I'd probably be offended!  I don't know a whole lot of chicks that would be grossed out by a stab from the Guykatana in the leg... in fact, I don't WANNA know chicks that would be grossed out by such a thing.  So to reiterate, boners are good.  I like boners.


 Name That Game Geek
Last week's geek actually stumped some of you - I'm shocked and dismayed!  I thought the groovy purple velour zipper shirt would give it away, no contest. :)

I bet this little pooper's mommy just had no idea what she was in for.  Kids these days!




"Hey baby, I've got a bucket of fried chicken in my pants... wanna get greasy?!"


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