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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Who Stole My Batteries?!

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Sharing vibrators with your parents, getting great big stiffies from Q3A (and don't we all!), wondering if fisting the mister actually good for you, getting over the fear of having your manfish snorkled, and find out why KillCreek won't be in Playboy magazine afterall.  You heard it here first.

Not too long ago, I purchased a battery operated sex toy for my girlfriend as a prank/gift.  She was away at school and I intended to give it to her when she came home for holiday.  I stuck it in my nightstand and forgot about it.  I REALLY REALLY forgot about it, entirely, because I didn't think to move it when we had relatives come stay over the holiday and my parents used MY room while my grandparents used theirs (you follow?)

Anyways my gf did come home and I still didn't think of it until she found the receipt and demanded to know what I was purchasing from the Pleasure House.  Ack - I scrambled to my nightstand drawer, and it was GONE.  My parents took it I think!  Nobody has said a word to me and probably never will.  OMG, what do I do?


Oh man, am I glad I'm not you.  Of course, if I were you, I wouldn't have stored it away and forgotten about it, either, but that's another story.  Now, you guys know me, I'm typically all for just opening up and talking out the issues... but in this case I'd have to tell you to just leave it well enough alone, unless dear old dad, uh, brings it up or something.  I mean sure, they are probably wondering why their sweet innocent son has a kong dong hiding in his nightstand, and wondering just exactly what you've been doing with it while your girlie is away at school... but really, I still think you should just let it go, unless you want to be explaining what you are and aren't doing with this big old battery powered eel and your sweet girlfriend.

  Boing Boing Boing
I have a problem. You see, when I play Quake 3 Arena I snap a bone. I have NO idea why! My friend suggested that it is from the great use of lighting and textures, but I justhit him for being a idiot! What could it be? what has id done? The problem is made even worse as I have a LAN party coming up and we'll be playing Q3A there. And I don't want to embarrass myself, please help!


Haven't I taught you lumplickers ANYTHING?  There isn't a problem here.  Nay, in fact it is personally reasonable!  I know if I had a penis (and don't we all wish I did!) I'd be pitching a tent every time I even thought "Q3A".  Holy balls, how can you not?!  Don't worry about your lan party... all the other guys will be walking tripods too.  It's just the nature of the geekbeast.  As long as you don't excuse yourself to go grease your goose, you should fit in just fine.

   Is Monkey Grinding GOOD For You?
I was wondering if there is any actual advantage to masturbation (as
opposed to not doing so). I mean, health, growth (more erections = more stretching), performance, anything like that.


Well, I'm not aware of any documented cases of wookie enlargement due to punishing your piggy, sorry.  If that were the case I can name a whole bunch of net nerds (you know who you are... BELHADE!) who would be carrying around like six foot long schmekkies from all the munchkin punching they do.  There are some mild health benefits, just like any other form of mild exercise, provided you um, keep it up for 15 minutes at a time.  Your heart pumps, you sweat a little, you work some muscles.  A nice cardiovascular activity - the only exercise some people (hi Belhade!) get.  So don't stop doing it or anything, and at least you can rationalize that it's sorta good for you.

   No Soup For YOU!
I'm 18 and in college, and I have a girlfriend with whom I am quite involved. We haven't had sex yet, but we've done just about every activity between holding hands and the culminatory act. Here's my problem, straight out. I enjoy pleasuring her in any way possible, but I am almost completely turned off, disgusted in fact, by her performing fellatio on me. I think I might have some negative connotations associated with it. I've seen my share of porn, and in every situation involving a woman going down on a man, the man appeared to hold a superior position (conversely, the woman held an inferior position) to the woman. And not just in a physical sense. So I just can't get past that. What's the dilly-o?


Er okay this would be one of the problems some people have with porn availability; the claim that it messes with one's expectations of actual sex.  I would have to say that your expectation is indeed pretty wack.  Do you refuse to go to Japan because Godzilla might get you like in the movies?  Stay at motels because you might get stabbed in the shower?  There can be loads and loads of hangups associated with various sex things, but really, I'm of the position (so to speak) that between two people who love each other (or even like each other, at least for a minute or to) there shouldn't be anything "disgusting" about sex.  Nobody is inferior.. you're both there, active and willing participants.  I say grit your teeth and close your eyes and let her give it a shot, if she wants to.  You'll probably like it.  Don't you enjoy doing things for her that you know she likes?  She probably feels the same way.  Let her have a go at the ole tubesteak.  If you still find yourself with such issues about it, perhaps find yourself a special doctor friend to confide in... although it will probably not be a good idea to let him have a go too.


   KillCreek Pr0n
Do you know when Killcreek's playboy thang is coming out. You said before that it was pushed back to may but the may issue is out and no killcreek. = (  Any new info?


Actually, yes, I do have some new info.  I just spoke with KC about this, and unfortunately, it seems she won't be appearing in the magazine after all.  Here's what she had to say:

"Long story short, the Lara Croft issue flopped. Based on this, they have decided to run the pictorial on instead of in print. They feel it is the best fit for a video game related feature. So thats the bad news, but the good news is they will be running all of the same pix, and actually many many more than they would have run in the mag. Lots of extra pix.. including even some of the test poloroids and behind the scenes stuff, and a bigger interview. The pictorial will go live on May 11th. Some pictures will appear in the free area, with the full deature online in the cyberclub."
So there.  You'll just have to go register with 

 Name That Game Geek

Last week's super geek titillated you all with his tights and cape...

This week's web geek has all your Valves plugged... can you guess who?

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