Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take
your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just
a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk
to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!
Week: With your fearless Mynxtress on maternity
leave, Super Steed steps in and grabs the.. uh, bull
by the horn(s), so to speak. Read what our favorite
artist-type dude has to say about gay lovin, reality, the
quest for nookie, what turns women on, and how to avoid eating
sperm. It's all so wet and slippery, you know?
I have a few friends that seem a bit confused about
certain things. One friend, let's call him "John", was
spending the night at another friend's house, let's call him
"Jake", with another friend, who we can call "Frank".
Well (according to "Frank") while Jake was upstairs in his
own bed, Frank and John were asleep (in the same bed) downstairs.
In the middle of the night Frank woke up and saw that Johnís
hand was resting on his willie, so Frank rolled over facing
opposite of John, to get John's hand off of his manhood. A
short while later, Frank found that John's hand was slowly
sliding down his pants, so as to touch his ass. Frank was
enraged by this and shouted, "John, what the FUCK are
you doing?!". John immediately jumped back and acted as though
he was in deep sleep the whole time. After this Frank got
up and ran upstairs to sleep on Jakeís floor. Now it is the
day after, and Frank is telling everyone he knows (this is
how I found out) that John is a flaming homosexual, and John
is grossed out that Frank would say such a thing. This
is confusing to everyone that has heard about the incident.
I mean, is John gay? Is Frank gay? What do you make of this
Well, the obvious first question I have is what the HELL are
Frank and John in the same bed to begin with? I mean
c'mon. It's an unwritten guy rule that you just don't
DO that. Clothed or not (were they clothed?) it's just
something not done and definitely not talked about IF done.
Second question would have to be the reasoning behind rolling
over to avoid the most unforgiving kind of Man Touch there
is. GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE should have been first
and foremost on Frank's mind. Accident or not, this
is the line uncrossed if indeed straightness is an adjective
you associate with yourself. The fact that it reached
the point of one guy feeling the hair on another guy's ass
leads me to the following theory:
"All three guys were out having a good time and got pretty
drunk. Failing to pick anyone up they went to Jake's
house were they cleaned out any remaining beer and warmed
up some leftover pizza to cure the munchies. They all decided
to crash at Jake's since they were too tired or drunk to go
home. John's probably gay and has had the hots for Frank
for awhile. While in bed they start fooling around a little
(Frank's curious) and Jake walks in on them (hearing strange
noises). Frank freaks out and claims he's being raped
or something and runs out of the room. The next day
everyone agrees not to say anything about it, but Frank's
afraid one of the other two will spill the beans so he starts
telling everyone an edited version of what happened."
as I am personally secure in my homophobia I'd just have to
say BOTH John and Frank are gay. Otherwise they wouldn't
have jumped into that bed together. I think Jake's
in on it too so you probably need to keep an eye on him as
Like.. Yeah.. And Stuff..
Is reality subjective or objective? I
figure you'd be the one to ask.
What the heck is your problem?
How dare you ask even remotely relevant
questions in this column. (I think I may be insulted!
-mynx ) I mean c'mon, the existential nature of the universe
will always be deemed subjective due the vast space/time differences/distances
traversed/contemplated. Scientists have theorized and
strongly supported recently the possibility of alternate universes/realities
so of course any of our existences are subjective to our individual
Some people never leave their
home town their entire life. Some people visit every
state and most civilized countries before they die.
Some people speak several different languages, some people
find difficulty mastering their NATIVE tongue. How can
they POSSIBLY live an objective life. However, the best
example I can give for reality being subjective is this example.
You walk up to someone and say, "Hey Man. Howzit goin?"
They answer, "Not much, dood." Why? Because they
HEARD you say "Wazzup?". THAT is their autonomic
response to a gesture of salutation (greeting).
To further support this argument
that reality is subjective instead of objective look at the
definition of the words. Subjective can mean mean "characteristic
of or belonging to reality as 'perceived' rather than as independent
of mind." Objective can mean "relating to or being experience
or knowledge as conditioned by personal mental characteristics
In other words drunk or not, baked
or not we perceive reality the way we conveniently want to
perceive it. Someone talks to us in a condescending
smart-ass fashion and say something to the effect of, "that
was a stupid thing to do..." Later on as we recall the
dialog we distinctly remember that person calling us a 'stupid-ass'
and use it as argument fodder.
We could go on here forever so
just remember this the next time you want to delve into the
deep waters of casual philosophy, "Up is a relative term and
has no intrinsic value ;]"
How To Get Some
K, I have a gf. We kiss, fondle, share
wonderful moments of laughter etc.. Yep that's it. I'm very
sexually deprived, I'm a virgin (17 yr old). I'm going completely
insane. I mean she really turns me on and i want to give her
some sweet loving from the center of my manlyhood. The problem
is, I can't do it! How do you start? When do u make the move?!?
What the hell is a notion for wanting sex?? I need to know,
also, I want to know if your a hottie? cuz we can hook up
are 17 years old and haven't gotten laid yet? What the
hell is wrong with you? Seriously. How can you be
depraved of something you know nothing about? I admit
I started at a really early age, but I always liked girls (never
went through perplexing 'cooties' phase of boyhood...always
Your brain and body are one big hormone factory and you just
need to chill a bit and understand the female psyche a little.
If indeed you're fondling and kissing and laughing like mad
around each other...it's just a matter of time before you're
dipping the stick, sheathing the ole pork sword, and impaling
her with your 'manlyhood'. Girls need to work up to
it more slowly. The more you attempt to rush her the
longer it's gonna be (unless you start dating that real easy
girl you keep eyeing in study hall...)
A man's libido (aka sex drive) is turned on and going strong
in the time it takes a synapse in your brain to dump a couple
gallons of blood into the tool. It's been written somewhere
that a man thinks about sex 90% of his waking moments.
Thought however, in the conventional sense has nothing to
do with this process...hence the term 'head' for the penis.
It's not some huge secret many men use the wrong head to make
many of their life's decision. Rarely does it HAVE to
involve emotions. Women on the other hand need emotional
stimuli as well as a pair of firm naked buttocks in their
hands. Appeal to that side of her first and the other
stuff will come...er so to speak.
In other words girls need to feel you listen to what
they have to say, care about what they buy, and LOVE them
before they're willing to put out (well, that is MOST girls).
She obviously cares for you and knows what you want.
I'd suggest sometime over luvvy duvvy you nuzzle her neck
a little and whisper a polite request in her ear like "Hey,
Baby. You know how much I love you. When do you
think you'll be ready for us to get naked? I know you're
the one I want to be the first..." Or you can just try
seeing if she wants a scented oil body rub. Start with
her toes and work your way up slowly...she'll be wrapping
her legs around your waist in no time.
Just remember that 'easy come, easy go' relates to this kind
of situation. Go slow, be confident and when the time
comes...repeat after me "No Glove...No Love." Got me?
Unf Unf Unf
I would like to know what really turns
women on i know what turns me and and i want to know if
chicks are into the same thing?
When it comes to 'doin the
jiggy', 'knockin boots', 'gettin busy', etc...everyone has
their own technique best suited for him or her. From your
query I'm assuming you've either never had sex or you maybe
had several unsuccessful forays into the activity.
First off, getting good at
pleasing a woman takes time and a woman who's willing to
be helpful (sex is a participation sport you know.) If you
have a woman who pulls a starfish on you (just lays there
whith her arms and legs spread and says...'pleasure me')
you'll never learn anything. Once you hook up with the right
girl who is responsive and creative in her lovemaking, then
you can get some serious education.
Having said that, here are
some things I've found that a woman should usually dig:
- Do lots of caressing and
touching when you get all naked and ready to rumble. Take
it slow and don't try to be a bull in a china shop. Grease
her wheels a little (so to speak). This level of intimacy
makes the whole experience generally more enjoyable in the
long run anyway.
- Speak in tongues, my brutha!
Once the touchy-feely caressing gets the temperature up,
head south young man! Of course it's perfectly acceptable
to let her head south first (some women get very aroused
by felatio...) or do a little 69 action. Whatever. Just
remember some basics when it comes to giving a woman head.
OPEN YOUR EYES (makes it easier to find the button). Spend
lots of steady tongue motion on the clit but don't rub it
like using an eraser. Get your fingers into the fray as
- Once the foreplay is taking
care of, do a little traditional riding and experiment to
see what works. If she doesn't enjoy getting her ears pinned
by her ankles and given a proper pounding then find out
what works. Doggie-style, sitting facing and away from you
in your lap, standing against a wall...whatever floats your
- Finish up with a vengeance
(usually from behind), leaving a nice imprint of her face
into the mattress for good measure ;p
Essentially, pleasing a woman
depends on you and the object of your pleasure. Knowing
what turns you on is important, but let's face it...most
guys shoot first and ask if she's satisfied later. Rent
some lesbian porn to get the best technique for going down
on a woman. Get some books on sex and learn about different
positions. Personally I'm starting to lean towards Tantric
sex since it prolongs the act almost infinitely.
In the end time and the right
partner will teach you more than anything about sex, though.
Just don't be uptight about it and things will progress
quite nicely ;]
sometimes, after my girlfriend eats
the banana, she comes up and tries to kiss me. i don't
resist, but i must admit i'm a little icked out at the
prospect of swallowing my own little tadpoles. is
there anything i can do to prevent, or at least delay
this, until maybe she's swallowed a few times?
for the record, i
have made forays into the tuna boat, and she _seems_ to
be okay with the fact that i kiss her after.
Body fluids are body
fluids. Sex is a messy sport so get used to it.
Then again if she's chin-dribilling and comes at you mouth
agape you can always head-butt her and claim it was an
accident (subconciously she may make a mental note to
self...) She probably get's all hot and bothered (believe
it or not some girls get turned on by felatio) and in
the heat of passion wants to mack down to get the ole
juices flowing even better. She's cool with swapping
more than spit so you should be as well. Besides,
if you make a big deal out of it you're likely to stop
getting your banana peeled. Try some 69 action, take care
of each other and by the time you get all re-situated
for some kissage, she'll have licked her lips at
least and you can spit out that annoying pube...
Name That Game Geek
Last week's geek
was a "hard" one, but I knew a few of you old die hards
out there would get it...