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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Honorable Virgins.

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Want honorable virgins? Girls asking about trimming the bush and how to please a man?  A guy who gave a beauty pagent gal an STD? Three gaming girls who talk about self love?  Hellchick losing her virginity?  YES!  We've got it all in this edition of Dear Mynx... if only this column were edible.

  Honorable Virgins
What has happened to honor?  Don't laugh, but I really want to know: Ok, I'm 18 and I have a gf.  No we have not done the nasty.  And we don't plan on it for a long time.  We already have the idea and the vows of marriage, and we have even started planning kids.  But what I want to know is why idiotic 17 year olds are going around and having sex all the time.  Haven't they heard of Chivalry or a code of Honor?  I guess they have never heard of abstinence either.  Please understand, I am not without my male hormones.  I would like to get it on, just as much as the next guy, but I can at least keep my head on my shoulders, and my pants around my waist.

-Mister Moral

What a fine upstanding moral young man you are.  I think it is great that you are able to live your life as you see fit, just like everyone else gets to do!  Chivalry and codes of honor don't necessarily have anything to do with slinging the schmekkie snot.  One can be an honorable, trustworthy, kind and giving human being, yet still get down like Barry White on viagra.  I do still and always have advocated personal choice and responsibility.  I really respect your decision to be virginal, but I'm not so booty-keen on your holier-than-thou 'tude, dude. 

  Trimming The Hedge
I suppose you could say I'm one of your few female readers, but your column is great! :)

Well, my question is... do guys prefer your bikini line waxed? or do they prefer the ah-lah-naturale look? Considering if you trim the rest, it goes spikey.. duh?! :P When it grows back it just looks ick... so can you tell me what guys prefer maybe?

I'm also a virgin, and the only penis I've seen is this guy who flashed at a party.... and I don't know what 'turns them on' - and considering it'll be soon when I'll have to do something like that, I don't know that spots they like to be touched.  Any info would help, thanks :)  


I just now asked Mental and his response was "I dunno, waxed I guess, whatever".  So take that as you will.  Personally I can tell you that you'll never be able to please everyone - I mean fetishes range from the extremes of bald to apelike - generally a nicely trimmed and somewhat waxed area will appeal to the broadest consumer base.  An informal efnet poll that I conducted falls in favor of waxed, hands down.  One respondant (my own dad, ugh) said waxed OR shaved, doesn't matter, so long as there are no hairs hanging out around the bikini.

As for the touching, it's kind of similar to the bikini line question.  Most guys will vocalize a preference, but when it comes down to it they are so happy to have ANY contact (be it with your bikini line, or you with their penises) that they don't care.  Seriously though, don't be asking me.  Watch the owner of the penis.  Men will generally respond positively if you are doing things right.  Just so long as you're not hearing "ARGH, OUCH!"  Oh, and let's not forget that it is customary to greet Mr. Dingle with a nice kiss when saying hello.

  Creepy Crawlies
Your column kicks ass! I've been reading it for a while, and it definitely keeps me entertained, and informed too. But now it's my time to ask a question. See, this Thursday, I am going to my doctor to get tested for STD's. I'm nearly positive I've got one. I've been with a whole lot of girls, but there is one in particular I really regret, because she's been around, I now know. She's got either good ole' herpes or warts now, I don't know the difference, and it seems like I've got it too.
The thing about this is, I think I will lose my girlfriend over this. I've been with her for 4 months, today, and she really is the best thing to happen to me in a long time. I want to drop the L-bomb on her when we go back to school together next month, because I do think I love her. I'm not worried that she has it though, we haven't engaged in any "risky behavior", but I need to tell her. Mynx, how should I tell her?
You wanna know something funny, on the side? Well you know how they have Miss Teen USA, Miss Teen Canada, all that stuff, I met one of them at a wedding last summer ( I'm not gonna say what country though, I don't want to be hunted down and shot), and went back to her hotel with her, now guess who has a little disease too?
I've got another question too. I've got a dirty magazine or two, and one thing I noticed, the girls in them have butt cracks double the length of all the regular girls I've been with. They go halfway up their backs sometimes. I don't have a poop-chute fetish or anything, its just something funny I noticed. Do you think the paint them onto the model's pictures?
So mynx, it would be super cool if you could give me some help on what to tell my girl. i'm so scared, you have no idea. this is so damn hard to deal with i have to tell someone, and she is the one who is best for me. if i would make your column this week, that would be the best thing you could ever do, since that's the day i find out for sure. Hope to hear from you! Thanks.


Well, by now they have jammed a q-tip up your corndog and either you have one or you don't.  Hopefully, if you're infected, you've managed to get something cureable, and not some sexual black plague.  If you're lucky, you can take your medicine, get better, learn a freakin lesson and live your life a little more cautiously than you had before.  You have no excuse whatsoever for doing all of this poonhole spelunking without a condom, you great big hairy dork.  Seriously, what the hell were you thinking?  As for your girlfriend, you're just going to have to tell her.  You owe it to her to be honest and sincere, since her health would be at risk as well.  You *should* tell everyone you boinked.. especially if you've managed to contract something more serious, it is your duty to call every single drain you have snaked and tell them.  Put your penis away and hop over to  Tell them I sent you.  Buy some rubbers.  Easy as pie. 

As for the extra giant porn buttcracks... uhh.. I think maybe it's just the camera angle.

   Rub A Dub Dub
Heya, I've writen to you a few times before, one letter even being addressed in your colum (yay for me!), and I have recently began wondering: don't you ever get any letters from girls?  I have read that at least 5% of all "gamers" are female, so that should make several letters a month from female writers.  The subject of guys wacking off is geting old.. 
Which brings me to my other point.  All guys wank, we all know it.  I personally will admit it, if asked, I don't think its anything to be
ashamed of to admit that I'm human like everyone else.  So shouldn't it make sense that girls masturbate too?  I know several other guys who also admit to wanking, and we are on a quest: to find a female that will admit to masturbating.  We've broadened the category to also admit toys and such too, for lack of admit-ees.  So far, no luck.  We were wondering would you be willing to admit it (it would stand to reason that if all girls "wank", you probably did at some point)?  Publically or privately is fine, whatever suits you.


Of COURSE we wank.  I wank.  Hellchick wanks (it's true, I asked her).  KillCreek wanks (I just asked her too).  Girls are just supposed to be all modest and demure and shit and say things like "*giggle giggle* oh NO I would NEVER!!"  But the truth is, we do.  Oh yes we do.  Now, the toy thing, you're probably going to get some resistance on no matter who you ask.  I for instance would never admit such a thing, and I won't even ask Hellchick or KillCreek.  Some things even I don't juanna know, joo know?


  Losin' It
Gaming personalities talk about that magical "first time".  It happens to everyone, even us geeks (well, most everyone), and there's always a tale to tell.  This week's deflowered geek is our very own, one and only, Caryn "Hellchick" Law!!

"Ahh was back in the days before your beloved Hellchick was called Hellchick. Back in the late 80's when she had spikey and shaved purple hair and that oh-so-popular Goth look. My boyfriend at the time was my high school sweetheart, the guy I dated for three years back then, but amazingly enough never married (a good thing, or else I'd have probably ended up in prison). It was a late afternoon, and his parents were off at work. Now, to be honest, that's all I remember. I'm serious. I have tried and tried, but apparently it was so unmemorable that I cannot recall for the life of me how it was.

What's FAR more interesting, if you ask me, is the time that a nosy cop interrupted my boyfriend and I on the beach. But that's for another time."


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