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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Welcome To Jackass.
   

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:   hi. 

  Wee Willy Winkie
Ok.. this is a pretty simple and quick question for you. Im 14 and just wondering two things - 1. What is a "average" size for a penis? 2. When does a penis stop growing? ...thats about it =)

-Shorty

The good news is that average size is about 6 inches.  The bad news is that yours has already stopped growing!  Sorry, you are stuck with that teeny little winkie for the REST OF YOUR LIFE!  Ok, so maybe not.  You are too young to be reading this column.  Come back when your penis has finished growing.  (It seems I am always saying that to SOMEONE or another!)

    Betty Boop's... Boop?
I am 20 years old and had my pretty share of some dozen girlfriends and some one-nights.I am in college now and there is this 23 years old senior chick that likes me.I kinda like her too ('kinda' is important here) WE live in the same dorm so last night she called me into her room and i went (every horny boy obeys summons).We talked for a while then kissed for some time.Then something strange happened :I simply touched her 'boop' in a gentle way and she, in a gentle way,directed my hand away from there. The consequence is I cannot touch her I can only kiss her on the lips (no frenchs either) and she doesnt get turned on even with kisses on the neck! (I'll never try the earlobe!) She is 23 and no touching! I feel
so...strange.I am not in love with her and I don't waste my time with
'limited' ladies. I respect someone's virginity,but come on!Get a life!No
boops,hell....But Mynx with yer directives we may see the love-lady beneath that shell...Or maybe you can tell me how to end this lame relationship...I dunno :) I am confused it is not the first time I meet a girl like this but then again,those girl were 20 maximum!MYNX! HELP!.

-Booper

Come on now, admit it, your knuckles bleed when you walk, right?  APE!  Gee maybe this girl didn't want the hand of some guy she hardly knows climbing up her shugashack!?  If you feel you are wasting your time with a chick because she won't let you hike through her jungle without a map then by all means, don't see her anymore.  She shouldn't be wasting her time with YOU.  She may think she is keeping you interested, giving you little bits at a time so that you'll come back for more, but then again, it may be that she really does want to keep a tight grip on her hymen.. so to speak.  Why don't you try TALKING to this girl (strange, I know) and find out a bit more about her?  Nobody's ripped out your larynx yet, right?  Give it a shot!

  Handmaidens
How do most girl's masturbate (what's the usual procedure?) and how often? And is there any way to tell if a girl does the solo thing without asking?

-Buzz 

I'll tell you how the procedure differs from that of a dude.  No magazines or kleenex required!  Hot damn!  I cannot however divulge the ancient practices of girly self love, because, well, you're not a girl.  If you were, you wouldn't be asking.  As for the rest, um, the only way to tell if a girl flies the braille bean is, of course, 4 of your 5 senses.  Sight, smell, taste, sound, touch.  You can't just look at a girl and go "oh, she wanks!"  I mean, really, think this through!  Either ask her, or catch her in the act.  That's about all you can do.

   That Is So Gay
What is this obsession with calling other people gay? I feel like screaming and smacking someone upside the head until they quack whenever I hear 'd00d ur succh a fag0t' and it's even worse in real life: 'd00d ur so0oo gay.' ARGH! I have absolutely nothing wrong with gays, I can see how they'd find some guys sexy, and I pretty much never call anyone 'gay' since I have the wit to think of other insults. Help!  


-jaqnad 

Well, follow the logic, here.  Gay: slang for queer.  Queer, differing in some way from normal, odd.  It has been an insult to single someone out from the norm for ages.   Let me illustrate: John Romero is queer.  However John Romero is not gay.  Thus, when John Romero flips his fruity smelling fruityass fruit hair over his fruity shoulders one could say "dude, you are so gay!"  I, for one, prefer to call people "testicle".  As in, "oh you are SUCH a testicle".  "Penis wrinkle" is a good one, too, although yesterday someone called me "buttcheek".

  Bouncy Bouncy Ouchie Muchie
I'm having an issue with a tight fit. This is the second girl 18 years old
that I've dated, and the second time I've had this problem. When ever things start going, it takes about a full minute to dive into the red cavern to start things going, it's a _REALLY_ tight fit. When we finish, she ends up being too sore to go at it again for a day or two. How long is it gonna take for her to uhm.. stretch to the point where she no longer gets so sore?being young I'd like to be able to engage in this activity more than 2-3
times a week.?

-Kongdong

I'm gunna go out on a limb here and say the common denominator here is YOU.  If you spent more time ensuring that the row you are hoing is ready to be planted, well by gum you'd find you have a much easier seeding!  Take some time.  At least a half an hour.  There is so much more to it than just getting naked and kissing her once or twice before you go spelunking.  Even in Texas, where they consider foreplay to be grabbing a gal by the hair and throwing her in the bed of a truck.


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