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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | fRy knows dicks!
   

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Rats, and rat love.  Confusing chicks and the messages they encode, gay Chinese guys who want Paul Steed, and checking in on condom sizes.  All this and more, brought to you by.. well, me!

   At Least Its Not Gerbils!
I'll spare you the worship session.

My brother has several pet rats, and though they do make good pets, he is getting a little too into them.  Not only odes he play with them like you should any other pet, he constantly smells them,  has them lick inside his mouth, and puts them on his face to breathe them in!  I have told him to quit it, but he just says they smell so damn good!  I think he has some sicko-pervish obsession with these rats! How do I make him stop before he turns into some wierd rat-tapping psycho?!

Goodness gracious.  I mean, really, they are RATS.  Rodents!  Yuck!  There are a good number of things I will consider putting in my mouth and RATS ARE NOT ONE OF THEM.  The good news here is that rats do not have any orifices large enough to accommodate your brother.  I don't want to even think about the reverse.  He probably is just an, uh, "animal lover" who adores his pets.  I think it is sick and even a little disgusting, his practices with those rats, but at this point he's not doing anything "wrong" with them.  You're just gunna have to, well, look the other way, and try not to retch.

  Chicks Suck
First of all i must confess i'm not a dedicated reader of your fine column.  I've read it occasionaly, and i often hear how good you are from the guys at work, who seem to adore you. it came to my understanding that you help people out with their problems, and i recently stumbled upon one which could only be helped by a well educated female like yourself (Actually, I knew fargo would never answer my email, and you're my second choice). Today i've recieved an ICQ message from a female friend of mine, and i just cant understand what the f**k she is trying to imply. here is the message:

-----------------------------------------------
"oh, i just figured what this all is about.... i never knew u loved yourself sooo much, and then it hit me - valantine's day!! i hope you and yourself r having a great one :)"
-----------------------------------------------

Please mynx, for the last two hours i'm struggeling with myself to understand what did she mean by that, but i think only another female could really understand. Please mynx, you have to explain such a simpleton as myself what's the meaning of a message like this, and you would spare my alot of pain if you'll tell me the blunt truth. please, i beg of you.

I must say I have no freakin clue what the hell that message means.  If chicks came with decoder rings, you'd find us in cereal boxes.  We ain't that easy.  You should probably just ask her what the dadgum spooey she was talking about, because it makes no sense whatsoever.  I personally think she may be the devil... but that is just me. 

Second to Fargo?  That's a new one. :)

   Gay Chinese Guys
I want sex Paul Steed.  I am homosexual gamer from China and I am happy saying this.  Paul Steed is homosexual?


Everyone wants sex Paul Steed, dearheart.  Unfortunately (?) our dear friend Paul is very much Not Gay(tm).  He may even tread into homophobic territory, but he is a-okay with that.  I can certainly understand, and even support your fancy for some nice Steed booty, though, because... I mean.. have you SEEN that Steed booty?  Hubba hubba.  Sorry, honey, you're going to have to find a new manlove.

   Penis Size!
How wide does ur man sausage have to be to be able to fit a condom on it without it falling off or anything?  If you could just give me a quick reply I would appreciated very much.

Our resident penis expert in efnet #quake, fRy, did some investigating for me on this one.  It seems that the average condom is 52 mm in diameter.  That is, your wee willy winkie would have to measure at least 52 mm across to fill it up.  Anything smaller than that and you do run the risk of it slipping off.  Condoms do actually come in sized varieties, so if you are willing to grab on to your little porker and do some fact checking, you will probably be able to find one that suits your, uh, bacon bit.
 


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