Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take
your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just
a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk
to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!
Week: Yay! You people really are sick and twisted.
I love it!
hey mynx whats up!?! me and my friend really
love planet quake.....we were wondering if it was for sale?!?! were not
really into the gamespy network just planet quake!! we got $11
what u say we have a deal? if we don't have
a deal we will make our own planet quake and drive
ur ass in to the mud!
Ever hear the
expression "eat a bag of ass"? No? Well, eat a
bag of ass. You couldn't get in on this action for
less than $14.99.
Warm and Squishy
My thanks to you
Mynx for an awesome column. OK, I've been going out with this girl
for almost 6 months now. We've just started going out
on real dates, but this is where the confustion comes in.
How do interpret her signals? How badly would
I be beaten if I, for lack of a better term, grabbed
a mellon? You women are all so confusing.
Well, I, for one, would probably punch
you in the ear. It is generally considered bad form to
just reach over and honk a hooter. You don't just go
around playing Tune In Tokoyo without asking! Usually
you should be in some sort of romantic heavy petting type of
situation before you start checking the melons for
ripeness. Some kissing, some caressing, some handcuffs..
you get the idea.
Dearest Mynx, I have a problem.
I'm 18 years of age, and spend entirely too much time inside.
I'm a mix of everything european, brown hair and eyes. My
problem is that my hermit lifestyle leads me to an albino-like
state of skincolor. (Farmer's tan, actually- pasty white
everywhere but the elbows on down and the neckline on up.) My
armhair and bodyhair just.... isn't very sporting at all. It's
high-contrast and wiry and... ick. You can see the roots going
into my milky-translucent gamer skin. I was wondering if
you could delve deep into your vast cosmetic river of
knowledge and find me a method of thinning my bodyhair,
softening it, lightening it, or training it not to grow as
long. Something. Please. Anything but long and wiry.
My dear, I'm afraid there is not
much you can do, short of removing the hair from the
root. Yes, you read correctly. Wax. In most
cases, if you wax off your hair, when it grows in it will
appear finer and less coarse than before. The length of
your body hair is predetermined by your genetic makeup - it
will only grow so long. I would recommend a good full
body waxing, followed by 10 weeks of regrowth, followed by
another waxing. That should do a good bit toward making
your body hair less icky. And, even if it doesn't, at
least you have provided me with a good 10 weeks of
Um... I have a problem with my little
soldier. I arouse him every day, once in the morning and
possibly twice in the evenings. Anyway, is it true that there
is only a certain amount of live ammunition he can
fire??? Please help, I'm distressed. I like the idea of
a family, and this really
could put an end to this
Nope! Nuh uh!
Bzzt, wrong-o! Here's how your ween0r
Once the spermies
are formed in your nads, they move through the tubeys to a long, squiggley
tunnel that sits on the rear of your testes. Here the spermers receive
the finishing touches and can be stored for 18 hours to 10
days, and become capable of hurling themselves forward. Then the sperm hit the
vas deferens, a long tubey thing that goes up over your bladder. If you
don't wank, "old" sperm are reabsorbed into your body to make room
for "new" ones. Your "normal" average Quake nerd male will make
about 300 million mature sperm per
volume of goo and the number of swimmies depend on the length
of time between yanks. The aforementioned average Quake nerd load contains about 180
million sperm. So, feel bettar. You're making sperm all the time,
even right this very minute, and you will continue to do
so well into the future. Fear not. You
aren't wasting a
Dear Mynx, My husband plays Quake every
night and he's pretty l33t and all, but how can I improve his
vocabulary while he's blowing shit up? Right now his
screams are limited to such glittering gems of wit as
"bitch-ass bitch!", "eat my fuck", "for fuck's shit", and the
help! The neighbors are starting to ridicule
limited capacity for insults. How can I get him to cuss
like a man whilst Quaking?.
My dear, if there is one thing I have
learned, it is that you cannot make a man from a llama.
Sorry. The best you can hope for is to set a good
example and hope that he picks up on your proper