Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take
your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just
a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk
to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!
How to get a girl, name that penis problem, where to go to dress like a geek, getting reamed by a friend, sucking at Q3A, and the whole Mynx/goat thing. Pass the Mayo!
How To Getchaself A Goil
Oh great advice giver, I seeketh yo help. Alright, there's
this chica in one of my classes that I've got a crush on
(Yeah, yeah, I'm in college and I have no gift-of-the-gab,
whatever. :) ) and I'm pretty sure she digs me right? I wanted
to ask her to go get some coffee before our last class, which was
today, but I didn't and I screwed myself. Anyway, we have a final
exam in like two weeks and then we're done for the semester.
Do you think I outta ask this chick for her number or something?
I'm going home for the summer two days after the test...so there's not
time to do anything. But I wouldn't mind hooking up or something when
starts back up. So what would you say, I mean from a female perspective?
Yeah, I'm a CS major, so I don't meet many sorority sistahs. Should I
get her number or something for next semester? Or should I leave it or
what? BTW, great column!
Well, if I were your little hootchie mama, and I'd been eyeing you all semester only
to have you totally dry up and flake out on me, I'd be like PSSSSSHT WHATEVAH HOMIE. You have to grab
her bull by the hornies and make your intentions KNOWN, my man! Don't worry if you
look like a total mantard - that is okay. Making contact is always the hard part. If
she chooses to accept your boomstick, wether or not you acted like a moron when you first asked
her out won't matter one iota. You gotta just walk up to her, say something suave like "I've
been dying to talk to you all semester, but I've been too shy, and now the year is up... will you
take pity on my geeky shy ass and give me your digits/email address so that I can get to know you, even
though I'll be home for the summer?" If she's been digging you too, she'll be all up over that
one. Go onwitcho badself.
hey mynx, i read ur article thing regularly, an have a laugh at all those
pathetic losers, but i got a problem of my own...
my dick has a dark stripe on the underside of it, i dont know if its the
norm or anything, cos i dont exactly go around peeering at other guys
im 15 years old, im pretty sure im a virgin [drugs, alchahol, and parties
are a regular thing for me, so i dont remember a lot of my nights...] so i
guess its not an std....
i dont wanna go to a doctor or ask anyone else bout this cos im too shame...
can u help me out with this?
Hi, pathetic loser!
The dark stripe on the bottom of your wang is one of two things. If you have
a normal, intact penis, this stripe is quite probably where the tube closed to become your penis, in
utero. If you are circumcised, this is most likely your circumcision scar. Sorry about that.
Dress Like A Major Geek
do you know where i can order a really good quake 3 t-shirt?
idsoftware.com hasnt been updated in like 2 years, you'd think that the best game developers on the planet would update their site once a week, eh?
Yes! In fact, I *do* know where you can get a really cool Q3A shirt! I spotted a photo of
one John Carmack in NextGen magazine a couple years back wearing this awesome jersey. I totally
loved the jersey, and not just because John was wearing it! These happen to be made by a company owned
by Tim's sistah.. and you can even get your name printed on the shirt! Like, how way cool is that? Visit
for more info - they happen to be 25% off, at the moment.
As for the website.. uh... I dunno dude. Bug xian or something.
Boinked Over A Drive
I need advice about something. I brought a hard drive
for a friend with the understanding that he’d pay me
back within a few days. It’s now 4 months later, and
I’ve never gotten a check or anything. My friend (now
an ex-friend), claims to have sent the check twice,
once with delivery confirmation. How come everyone
else mails me things and there is never a problem?
The understanding was verbal, and there is little
documentation besides the invoice from the vendor who
sold me the hard drive as proof that it was delivered
and accepted. I also have the Fed-Ex delivery
confirmation that the drive was signed for. Is there
any recourse to get this wayward friend to make good
on his verbal promise to pay? Is small claims court
something worth looking into? Does Mynx do Judge
Mynx once every few months? Is there any other
recourse besides taking it like a man, and never
lending money to anyone ever again?
You got suckered, my dear. Depending on the amount you spent, small claims court
is a possibility... if you are serious when you call your pal an "ex-friend", you could
let him know that you are exploring the idea of court. Tell him that you will be seeking
the actual cost of the hard drive, plus shipping, interest, and any legal and/or court costs. If you
had intended to retain this guy as a friend, he won't be one after you tell him the above. Tell him Dear Mynx
has handed down a judgement against him, in his absence, and that he has been ordered to pay the originally
agreed upon amount, or else face real court. Oh, and tell him I called him a skunky bungpoker, too.
Sucking At Quakezor
Recently I have become addicted to the great monster that is Q3A. At first I
ran through the game on single player but that got a little stale, so I
hooked up with a couple buddies of mine and for a while we would frag
together. During this time I noticed something alarming and hurtful to my
gaming ego: I suck. In every sense of the word, I suck. I never fail to get
killed time after time. Something that also sucks - I have not seen myself
improve. Currently my Q3A buddies are in the process of moving, so I
registered GameSpy Arcade and have been playing on servers through there.
And, much to my dismay and anger, still no improvement. I have tried asking
for help from the people on there to see if they could work with me so I can
improve my game, but I have had no luck. Most of the folks I talked to were
jerks and assholes, who would give me responses like "keep practicing" and
"just don't play anymore". Well, I wanna keep playing, but it's not fun to
be addicted to something if you don't get joy and entertainment out of it.
So far, I have not found any reliable resources pertaining to giving
suck-ass gamers such as myself tips and pointers and strategies and things
like that to improve our gameplay. What I am asking - nay - what I am
BEGGING is if you could please, please PLEASE find someone, anyone, who
would be willing to work with me for a few hours a day to help me improve.
This has been bugging me for a while and I am at my wit's end. I don't wanna
stop playing Q3A, but I'm afraid that if I dont find some way to improve I
won't have anything to use my new computer for. If people want something in
return, fine. I got porn on dvd for free if they want... but I need to get
better because it's depressing when you realize you suck at something so
material as a video game and have not improved through playing with
excellent players for a number of weeks. Please help me. That's all I ask.
Honey, sometimes, you just suck. No amount of schooling can keep you from sucking,
you just do, and that's all there is too it. Now, personally, getting your hiney spanked
in Q3A sounds like a jolly good time to me, but to each his own, I guess. So.. someone to
teach you a thing or two. How 'bout it, gentle readers? Anyone out there wanna Yoda up
on this poor dork? Let me know and I'll pass it along.
Mynx And Goats
You suck Mynx! You stink and you suck you worthless sow! I wrote you so many timez
and you never printed a one of my questionz. You totally fake it all, you totally make it up becauz
if you used real questionz mine woulda got in. You spend all day long chasing goatz around a barnyard,
eating their willys!
Strange, then, that this would be the letter that gets printed, no? Eat my butt, assmaster.