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The PQ

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    PlanetQuake | The PQ Poll | This Week's Poll

The PQ Poll: April 19, 2000
Got poll questions you think we should use? Email them to!

Would you purchase a line of Quake 3 Arena action figures? (submitted by Crass)

Answer Votes
Hell yes - I loved the Quake 2 line, I want more!
I'll wait and ask for them on my birthday.
Yes - I didn't like the Quake 2 figures, but an 8-inch Uriel would be nice.
No - I'm far too mature to play with toys. Now excuse me, but I need to download pr0n.

Tetsuo: That depends. Are they anatomically correct? Can I swap clothes with my Ken and Barbi?
Fragmaster: No, unless they were life-size and $4 a piece. Then they could be my friends.
Pappy-R: Will they come in "tin" as well?
Fargo: I would buy a lifesize Hellchick doll. [Pause.] Just to, uh ... I mean ... to get into the carpool lane of the highway, that's all I'd use it for ... uh ...
Lee'Mon: Only if they allow custom skins.
shaithis: I'd come up with some witty response, but... nah. I probably wouldn't.
Hellchick: That's funny, Frags. I had to pay a lot more than $4 for my friends.

Spyke: Darn rights. It'd be the only way I could ever get my hands on Mynx.

If you had been there, how well would you have done? (submitted by mere anarchy)

Answer Votes
I'd have won, of course.
I think I'd have made the last thirty-two.
With my superior FFA skills, I'd have been one of the one hundred and twenty-eight qualifiers.
Own3d like a keyboarding newbie on a 486.
Dude, I was there, and I think I rocked.
I was there, but I don't like to talk about it.
I'd be too busy trying to leave to play a game.

Lee'Mon: I'm getting so far into mods anymore, I'm sure my regular DM skills are hurting.
Tetsuo: Uh... If I had been where? Behind the dryers in the laundry room? How would I know? I've never been back there - I promise.
Fragmaster: I would have brought the crowd to its feet and have them running to the bathrooms.
Pappy-R: I would have ended up working and the crowds would have missed out on my elite skillz. That's my story...
Fargo: My Quake 3 Skillz have sunk into what I'd like to call -- "The Long Hurt." Too much Counterstrike and Rogue Spear have thrown my whole game to hell.
shaithis: Been where, now?
Hellchick: Okay, DAMMIT, the poll script screwed up and put the questions in the wrong order. This throws the entire poll system completely out of whack, and this is surely a sign of Armageddon. Oh, and I would have at least made it past the qualifiers.

Spyke: I'd have spent my time playing EverQuest.

If you could have dinner with anyone on the PlanetQuake staff, who would it be? (submitted by Niptlar)

Answer Votes
Hellchick - I have this Quake site I want PQ to host, so I figure I can bug the hell out of her until she accepts it.
Lee'Mon - he writes such great articles, I think I could learn a lot from him. No, I'm serious. Quit looking at me like that.
Spyke - I want to see how many times he can say "STFU" in one breath.
Pappy-R - he could introduce me to all those l33t pro Quake players he knows.
Fragmaster - I know he isn't on the staff anymore, but he's just so l33t.
Undecided - I cannot decide on one; they're all too cool.
None - I'd rather have dinner with one of the id staff!
Who the hell are you talking about?

Tetsuo: Fragmaster, because I could keep saying 'How's it going, Fragmaster?' and he could scream obscenities at me in the restaurant. Oh. And flip me off as well.
Fragmaster: I feel sorry for the 100 people who voted for me. Because if that ever did happen, I would act like a jerk, make them pay for my food, and then "accidently" push them into a speeding car. That would pretty much suck. For them, at least.
Pappy-R: OK..I'm taking the "undecided" votes to add to mine so I at least beat the "who the hell are you talking about" slot.
Fargo: Every night I have dinner with myself. Does that count?
Lee'Mon: I'd like to personally thank the votes that helped me win over Spyke. They are: Lee'Mon's Desktop, Lee'Mon's Laptop, Lee'Mon's Work Computer, Lee'Mon's Macintosh Work Computer, Lee'Mon's Friends' Computers...
shaithis: I've had dinner with Hellchick, and Fragmaster, and Fargo. I even survived the notorious "Push into a speeding car". Does that make me l33t?
Hellchick: Wow, I won, even if I only beat out the id guys by 2%. You people need to take a serious look at your choices for socializing.

Spyke: Wow, people like Pappy and I exactly the same amount? Pappy, let's merge to form one entity, and we can beat Lee'Mon!

Why weren't you at the Razor CPL event? (submitted by mere anarchy)

Answer Votes
My Mom wouldn't let me go.
Didn't want to embarrass Fatal1ty.
Intercontinental travel just for Q3A?
Dude, I WAS at the Razer/CPL.
What's a CPL razor? I don't even shave.
Not enough time/money.

Tetsuo: I smashed one of those Razor mice into a million tiny little pieces at Beatdown 2000. Does that count?
Fragmaster: Screw that, Razer mice bite ass and the CPL is a joke. No offense.
Pappy-R: I WOULD have been there, except Hellchick grounded me. She took my Sonic Mayhem CD too!
Fargo: Tell us how you really feel, Frags.
Lee'Mon: They refused to let my play in full-body VR gear.
shaithis: Oh, is this the event referenced in an earlier question? I was not there because no matter how many reviewers they bribe, razor mice still suck.
Hellchick: I didn't want people to be distracted by my l33t skills. Or something.

Spyke: I must agree with Frags here, professional gaming is a joke.

Are you in a Quake clan?

Answer Votes
Yes! Anyone who's l33t is in a clan. Right?
Hell yes, I started one!
I used to be, but I'm not anymore.
God no, clans are for the geekiest of geeks!
I tried to join CLAN L33T KILLAHZ but my spelling and grammar was too good and they refused me.

Tetsuo: No - I just put some random letters before my name to make it look like I am.
Fragmaster: Nah.
Pappy-R: Yup...[xeno] in da house!
Fargo: I used to be in a clan a couple years ago, but they rejectd my idea to rename us "The Fiber Pirates." You know. "Shiver me sphincters!" "Hoist the Mizzen Ass!" "Batten down the buttocks!"
Lee'Mon: PQ, moddin', school, work, etc., take up too much time to organize my Quakin' for the sake of a clan. Besides, I don't need a tag to be noticed. I can't go on a server without getting recognized regardless...
shaithis: I was sort in Wolvesmoon (Team Fortress) for a period of time, as an apprentice (My scout will run circles around your lame hwguy any day of the week, bitches). Ended up not having enough time to play before I was accepted as a full member tho.
Hellchick: I started Hell's Belles a long time ago and - oh, Good Lord, Fargo...

Spyke: Clans sux0r.

How good are you at Mynx's Name the Gaming Geek? (submitted by Crass)

Answer Votes
Perfect, I'm batting 1.000 and can sniff out a geek baby picture from 250 yards.
Not too shabby, I can recognize a few faces.
I'm doing horrible, I didn't even know what these people looked like as adults.
Eh, I'd rather hear people's embarrassing stories about how they get caught masturbating.

Tetsuo: Asturbate Asturbate Bo-Basturbate Banana-Fana Fo-Fasturbate Me-My-Mo-MASTERBATE - Asturbate!
Fragmaster: It's really nice to know what kind of people vote in these polls.
Pappy-R: The clues could be harder, or it's just my sheer mind power and knowledge base that makes it easy.
Fargo: Frags is just embarrassed after I caught him.
Lee'Mon: Batting 1.000 on the women, 0.000 on the men. Guess that fully established my preferences... and judging by the results, our readers' preferences, as well.
shaithis: I regret I must admit to not having read mynx in quite some time. I simply became too scared by her feedback when I was running PQ, and have not been able to overcome that neurosis since.
Hellchick: I wasn't bad last week. But that's 'cause it was me.

Spyke: Better than Fargo could ever be. And that goes for everything else, too.


Who are these people anyway?

Hellchick is the PQ Site Director, or at least has convinced her friends that she is.
Pappy-R is PQ's News Jockey and Part-time Table Dancer.
Spyke does the PQ in Review, the PQ Mailbag, and your girlfriend.
Lee'Mon writes articles and editorials for PQ, which means he's really into finding things to complain about.
shaithis is a former PQ Site Director who now spends his days running and sharpening the spikes on the top of his cubicle. You think we're kidding.
Fragmaster also used to run PQ, and now manages and the console section of the GameSpy network. He also enjoys the occasional potted tuna.
Tetsuo performs miracles that mere mortals cannot understand as part of the tech team at GameSpy. He also really likes bacon. Even more than Hellchick.
Fargo has been around since the beginning of PQ. He's been known to camp everything, including the poll.


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