PQ in Review
Spyke recaps last week and all the things you may have missed!
PQ In Review: War is Declared
It has come to my attention that Mugwum, site director of a little backwater fan site called PlanetHalfLife, wants to pick a fight. In his column, shamelessly ripped off from this institution, entitled PHL in Review, he states that I am Hellchick's lackey, and was forced to insult him in this column, which he calls my "trussed up rant". He then goes on to rename his pathetic excuse for a column "I ownz0r Spyke & Hellchick". This is unacceptable. War, my children, has been declared! Go, my winged monkeys of the apocalypse, attack! Oh yeah, here's some stuff that has to do with Quake.
In case you dropped off the face of the planet, I assume you know that Quake 3 Arena went gold, baby! That's right; the tentative, and I stress, tentative release date is December 12th for North America, I believe. For our European friends (and enemies, you bastard), I'd expect it before Christmas; id doesn't want too many of you pissed off. Retro-mods, baby, is what we have this week as we take a trip through time, to a distant era where Capture The Flag is Mod of the Week. Marvel at its two-tone brilliance and Tarzan-like ability! Damn its monkeys and runes! Not one, but many models were included in the Model of the Week, the "Units" pack. While I don't understand its complexity, I am stupored into an awed hush by its pretty colors. Old-school kicked into high gear as our Levels of the Week were for Quake 1; if you absolutely need, require or salivate in any way new single player or multiplayer levels for Quake, the Levels of the Week is always the place to find the best of the best. Requiem's editorial on Complexity and Diversity in Today's Games was the poop-disturber this week, hoping to find the correct balance to satisfy you ever-so-finicky hardcore gamers, and the delicate, fragile newbies. Hellchick churned out another boring Poll, wherein a whole bunch of questions about Quake are asked, and the ever-so-eloquent and charming GSI staff answers last week's questions. Yippie! My favorite model and mommy Mynx kicked out the latest Dear Mynx, continuing her ongoing saga of morning sickness and answering the questions of freaks everywhere, on such topics as masturbation, penis size and pedophilia! That's right, all the wholesome stuff. Yours Truly (yes, I can capitalize it, I can capitalize whatever I want!) slaved for hours over a hot stove to give you this week's installment of the PQ Mailbag, and what thanks do I get? More mail. See, you people would do me a favor by sending less e-mail, so I don't have to sort through it all, okay? Good, I'm glad we have this understanding. Love2Play (LoveThatNick :) provided us with a feature I'd been longing to see, the TechMailbag! This way, I don't have to sort through all the technical questions that I can't answer. Yes, the TechMailbag is a very good thing. I guess that's it, what a shootload of news!
In addition to the regular features of Mod of the Week, Model of the Week, Levels of the Week, Mailbag, Dear Mynx, and the Poll (whew!), next week we have an editorial as a response to the "violence in games" issue. Also, we have an article by Doomhammer on his first online experience (sounds kinky!), and a large amount of time dedicated to the faithful antibot community!
Question of the Damned
Well, unfortunately, the cool, big feature, the PQ in Review Mailbag I had planned, didn't go through. It seems not enough of our faithful readers bothered to reply. Sniff. I guess we'll just have to answer our own questions ourselves. Shame on you all, shame. Well gang, let's answer real cool like!
What kind of game from id would you like to see next?
I'd like to see them do something completely NOT Quake-like, because it would be a trip to see what something else from them would look like if it didn't fit the Quake theme. Carmack is apparently really into the whole true cyberspace thing, and so I'd like to see what his mind can come up with in fitting that in with action video games.
I would just LOVE to relive DOOM again with the Q3 engine or beyond. And big on story too. Tons of cut scenes and interaction with the enviroment.
Well, seeing as they've done almost everything that can be done to the first person shooter, after inventing it (well, other than a really good single player game, but still), I'd like to see the id crew move into something different.. online persistent worlds, maybe? Or maybe use the same sort of rendering technology, but have a game with a different purpose. I dunno, it's hard to imagine where they're going to go next.
If you could show up for work tomorrow as any Q3 character you've seen, Which would it be and why?
I'd show up as Orbb, baby! A gigantic eyeball walking around on his arms in the GameSpy offices?! C'mon, that's a no-brainer. Except that I'd probably need a LOT of Visine.
I'd like to cheat a bit here, and show up as Hunter to shock and yet not frighten the co-workers. Then strip the skin away to reveal Uriel underneath, just as the boss comes in to take his more than fair share of pastries. He'd drool, crap and fall over nice and quietly. Ahhh, Mondays.
Mynx, baby.. :) Ain't nobody as hot as Mynx. She can frag me all she wants, and I'll love every second of it! And she's got four-foot legs.
If you could be anyone at id Software, who would you be, and why?
I should say Anna Kang, because we're both female and that avoids that whole weird cross-gender thing, but I'll go with Steed. I'd love to see what it's like to have the entire female gaming population bowing at your feet and throwing their underwear at you. You know, all six of them.
Hmmm. Can I be the guy that sits and tells the id gang what to do with the games because I do nothing but sit and play games ALL day. So that would be Romero, and I'd be fired.
Geez, this is my question, and it's hard to answer. I could be Graeme Devine, and I'd have a cool name, and Hellchick would think I'm sexy.. but I'm going to have to go with mah main man, John Carmack. The guy's a genius and he's got a car no one can beat.. that's all I need.
Now maybe next week we can try this again, if you promise to be good, okay? Good. If you want to submit a Question of the Damned, just e-mail it straight to me at email@example.com!
Spyke's Profound Thought
Well, since this is the first PQ in Review done with Hellchick onsite at GameSpy HQ, under Stately Wayne Manor, I think we should have her tell us something profound about astrophysics, the profession she gave up to become a writer. Hellchick: "Well, here's a profound quantum mechanics thought - according to QM, all possible outcomes of a situation exist simulataneously in a superposition, which is a sort of mathematical probability as to which one has the best chance of actually occuring. Until you observe the outcome of the situation, the outcome is actually ALL possible outcomes, and by observing the situation, all of these "collapse" into only one of the possible outcomes.
This probably explains things like why my luggage gets sent to Zimbabwe when I go to Seattle." Wow, wasn't that spectacular? Just think, you're giving that up to be around Fargo. Are you sure they won't let you go back? Well, looks like that's all from the world of Quake this week, so e-mail me and I won't have to light dog crap on fire and put it on your doorstep! And remember, Mugwum == the purest form of evil!