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    PlanetQuake | Articles | Quakescopes: Quakescopes
   

Quakescopes for December 26 - January 1, 2006
A week's worth of gaming guidance!
— by Jube


Bonus Feature: Personalized Desktop Readings by Jube! A chance to showcase your desktop image AND get a personalized reading of your 'digital palm'. Simply send a screenshot of your desktop to Jube, and every week new desktops will be profiled on Page -2- of the Quakescopes! What more could you ask for? (Except maybe a million dollars and some triple fudge brownies!) Note: Desktop readings are for entertainment purposes only, and may border on cruel and unusual punishment.

Don't forget to find out the basics of your sign in the Quake Astrology Guide!

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Problems with female members of your family or gaming circles may play on your emotions. Don't allow harsh words to upset you. Your partner may not be sympathetic to your needs at this time. Your best game day this week will be Sunday. A great mod for your sign this week would be one that combines some fast FPS action with a little role playing, have a look around and see if there's anything out there that will suit your gaming needs! A gaming pal or clanmate may confide in you this week, knowing that you above all others can keep their secret and give them the words of wisdom they really need right now. Your best maps this week will be ones with a Gothic feel to them. Don't make excuses if you're playing isn't up to snuff, things will turn around for you again soon!

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: A big spider will be waiting for you in the dark, chuckling its evil spider chuckle, and rubbing it's hairy legs together in a chitinously evil way. Fortunately for you someone else will come by and squish it. Be careful on New Year's Eve, you will chased by horny robots who are dying to get you under the mistletoe. As tempting as it might seem at the time, they have herpes. Start a blog and quit picking your nose.




Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): Pleasure trips will be favorable and bring about possible romance. Join groups of a humanitarian nature. Your leadership ability will enhance your reputation. Your boss may not be in the best of moods this week. Do your job and don't ask for favors. Don't exhaust yourself or a cold will set in. Your best game day this week will be Wednesday. You will completely thrive on multiplayer games this week, single player will not be in the cards. Use map obstacles such as lava as a tool against your opponents, you'll be able to maneuver around such things much better than they. As a clan member you need to stop rocking the boat, try to be a little more agreeable or you'll find yourself being shown the door! Patience is key to a successful winning game this week.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: You will give great thought to microwaves this year. You will become more and more tempted to put odd things inside in an effort to blow stuff up. Stop being silly, don't make me come take that thing away from you! You will find romance this year if you stop talking about flamethrowers and start trimming your nose hairs. A manicure wouldn't go amiss either.




Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20): Someone close to you will get upset easily if you are insensitive to their needs. Take the time to help those less fortunate. Your significant other may be ready to trade you in if you haven't paid enough attention. Your best game day this week will be Friday. Your ego is at an all time high this week, and for good reason since you've been playing great! But be careful not to boast too much or you're bound to make some enemies in the gaming community. Both defensive teamplay skills and single player enthusiasm are high this week, so you could go either way. Lend your sympathetic ear to gaming pals in need of a friend.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: Beware of inflatable balloons this year. They can be dangerous in the wrong hands. Grow a moustache and beard made from candy floss and marzipan instead. Eat plenty of breath mints this year to avoid smelling like a drunken hobo's underpants. Lady luck will definitely be on your side in 2006. You have a secret admirer! No, it's not the old man who lives next door who steals your underwear off the washing line, its actually someone who you already know. Clown shoes, while very large, do not attract the opposite sex. Resolve to stop wearing them in 2006, you're not fooling anyone.


Aries (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19): Invite friends or relatives into your home. Romance is quite possible if you are willing to approach someone who interests you. Dazzle them with your intellectual conversation. Your best game day this week will be Saturday. Your need for social stimulation is rather high this week, so get into a lot of multiplayer games and spend some time chatting it up in your favourite gaming forums! Your best games this week will be played in wide open spaces, either outdoor or well lit maps. If you're into teamplay games then play mid-map as a roamer/gatherer/soldier or in a position of assistance such as Medic or Nurse.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: Despite the impression you gained from a television commercial, your new shampoo will not help you achieve spontaneous orgasm in the shower. Don't leave the house this week or you will be humped by 1,000 pixies dressed as Santa Claus. Stop spraying your nipples with liquid cheese. It's just not sanitary. The planet venus may urge you to go around licking other dogs nads. Dont do it, it's just not sanitary. Oops! That was a prediction for your dog. But uhm, you should probably heed the same warning.


Taurus (Apr. 20 - May 20): Opportunities for travel and socializing are evident. Be careful disclosing information. Someone around you may not be trustworthy. You have been so self absorbed lately. Your best game day this week will be Monday. Your creativity level is high this week, it would be a good time to begin planning a new mapping or modeling project. If you've been playing mostly multiplayer games lately, take a step back and check out some single player. As a clanmate you are not a good follower this week, regardless of whether you lead the group or not, give the others the opportunity to share in the decisions. Your best games will be played on dark indoor maps this week, and your best weapon will be the Grenade Launcher.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: Through a casual remark in an elevator, you will realize that both you and your fellow passenger have seen John Cleese's informational film called "How To Irritate People". By the time you reach the 10th floor you will want to kill each other. Do not French kiss a Moose this year, it didn't go so well in 2005, now did it? Resolve to do your laundry more often in 2006, you smell like a man who's been stewing in his own juices for a month straight.


Gemini (May 21 - Jun. 21): Your high energy will enable you to take the role of leader in group functions. This will not be the best week to try to push your ideas or concerns. Your position may be in question if you haven't been pulling your weight. Upgrading your computer at this point is not a bad plan. Your best game day this week will be Sunday. Your energy level being high this week means you'll do well in Free For All games. Try to resist your urge to show off too much or you'll find yourself getting a bad rap. As a clanmate you're bossy this week, try not to alienate your gaming pals by pushing them past their limits.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: Seek out new life, and new civilizations this year. Boldly go where no-one has gone before (just don't get caught). Resolve to put away the binoculars in 2006, we know you're a peeping tom. Your usual routine of attracting attention by stuffing a pillow down your pants and posing for the ladies just isn't working anymore. Time to try something new. Somebody close to you, who looks like a sweaty fat yeti, is thinking about turning you into their love slave. Avoid their evil spell by living in an igloo for the rest of your life.


Cancer (Jun. 22 - Jul. 22): Listen to the problems of others and offer suggestions where possible. You will be a real chatterbox this week. Try to curb your tongue and let others at least get a word in. Someone you thought you could trust may be trying to make you look bad. Your best game day this week will be Thursday. You needs organization this week, if you're in a clan then now would be a good time to get things back on track. Regardless of whether you are the group leader, your help is needed here. Your best positions this week will base defender or sniper. Your best maps will be outdoor with lots of earth tone colours.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: You will read a small booklet titled How To Make A Fortune in Frog Farming. It will change your life. Donít swear at police officers and violently hump their leg when you see one, as they will only get angry and chase you with shotguns. If your partner tends to snore... stuffing tennis balls into their mouth while they sleep is not a good idea.


Leo (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22): Avoid any erratic behavior or it could cause isolation at home. If everyone wants to do their own thing, let them. You may have a hard time relating to children this week. Your willingness to help others can and will lead to fatigue if you don't learn to say no. Your best game day this week will be Saturday. You're a real social butterfly this week, so will thrive in multiplayer games. If you're in a clan then be careful of those trying to take advantage of your team this week, don't allow your friends to be walked over. Your best games will be played on dark night-time maps, and your best position will be that of a sniper or mid-map railer.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: In 2006 you will discover your larger cosmic destiny! A television infomercial and an 800 number are somehow involved. Stop photocoppying your ass, it stopped being funny about three years ago. You will begin having pornographic dreams in 2006. You lucky person you! You could use a shave if you want to become a pastry chef.


Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sep. 22): This will be a very hectic week if you've made promises to too many people. Be careful of the groups you join or the people you associate with. You may find that you're being used. Your best game day this week will be Tuesday. You'll needs to be in the thick of it all this week, you will thrive in multiplayer games and become bored easily while playing single player. If you lead a clan but have been finding yourself pressed for time, then it may be time to let someone else step up to bat. Your best games will be played on bright outdoor maps with lots of vibrant colours. Positions of choice this week are that of a Spy or Base Defender.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: A scruffy looking fellow whom you've never seen before will come up and offer you a very strange-looking raisin muffin. Good idea to decline. You need to get more exercise, but can't tear yourself away from the computer. Do what I do: glue your keyboard to the ceiling, and get yourself a mini-trampoline!


Libra (Sep. 23 - Oct. 23): You will have extra energy; put it to good use. Organize events or gatherings. You will meet new romantic partners through friends or acquaintances. Your best game day this week will be Wednesday. If you've been sitting on the bench a lot for clan matches lately, then watch yourself be called to duty this week. Although you may prefer to sit on the bench for the big game, you will be a great asset to your team, so get in there and play! Your best positions this week will be that of a Soldier or mid-map roamer. Your best maps will be those with lots of fire tones, red, orange and yellow.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: 2006 will be mostly OK, except that you'll learn to pay more attention in the future to the phrase "Careful, filling is hot!". You will set up a secret rendezvous with a hot person of the opposite sex. The password will be "fling me a spicy burrito, Stanley". Unfortunately, you may have to say this to quite a few people before you find the right one.


Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21): You're quite the hot head this week. Your mood will affect those around you, family, friends, a significant other, you're bound to find yourself alienating them all. Once you feel yourself calming down, do your best to make amends and restore tranquillity. Your best game day this week will be Monday. If you're in a clan or compete in a gaming league, someone will complain or hint that you or your team have not been following the rules. You have a very professional nature and can sort this mess out so long as none of your clanmates let their tempers out of the bag. If you're not in a clan then now would be a good time to join one, you'd fit in perfectly. Spend a little time practicing your 1 vs. 1 skills this week, and don't shy away from water battles.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: Things haven't been going well for you lately, and you're sinking into a fairly ugly bit of self-pity. You merely need to count your blessings! (1) You've got a tremendous talent, which some day may be in demand, (2) You're almost normal -- LOTS of people have extra appendages, (3) ... I'll get back to you on that one.


Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): Sudden good fortune will help you cover your debts. Don't be too eager to spend what's left over; more unexpected expenses are evident. You might find it difficult to control your emotions. Try to take some time to listen to the complaints of your significant other, and in turn, do something to appease them. Your best game day this week will be Tuesday. You will thrive on Alien theme mods this week, see what's out there and get downloading! Some new friendships may come out of the new mod community you enter. If you're a mapper, consider starting a new map to display your dream house, your creativity will be at a maximum for this project. Your best weapon this week will be the Grenade Launcher.

Predictions and Resolutions for 2006: You are being followed by a rugged Texan wearing cowboy boots, jeans, a large silver belt-buckle, and a faded plaid flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up. You will finally get the television exposure you've been wanting by organizing a group of protesters to block the entrance to a physics lab. Down With Gravity! Get a pet badger and cut back on the cheesecake.



(Some Birthday's compliments of CaliGirl.net)

When's your birthday? Let Jube know so you can be added to the Birthday list!

Like it, love it, hate it? Tell us how the Quakescopes have changed your gaming lives with some feedback.

Next: Desktop Readings


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