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All Penis Issue!
This Week: YES!! It's the all penis
issue! Penis, penis, penis, dicks everywhere! Woo
hoo and yoo hoo and ho ho ho! Dicks, they are indeed.
This Week: Do you really get zits from stroking
the one eyed pinky puker?! What do you do when you find
out that twizzlers makes more than mouthes happy? How do
you wank if your hand hurts? A reader loves Paul Steed,
another reader asks a nice multi part question regarding
everything you ever wanted to know about girls and sperm, and
a reader shares his pubic hair with the world. Shalom.
Learning how to stroke your poker, how to tell your parents you're
engaged to be married to Super Schlong, what to do when no girl
on earth will date you, some guy wonders about Graeme Devine's
penis, talking about focusing sex on chicks, and a stinky floater
of an embarrassment spotlight. Alright, who hid the batteries?
Blood Red, Baby
Does wanking hurt your chances of academic success? Just how small
is too small when we're talking gobblers? Where does Mynx come
up with all of this junk, and just who does she turn to for advice?
Is it okay for a 19 year old to hide the hedgehog in a 14 year
old... and some guy wastes baby batter on the Q3A Mynx model,
even though Mynx never really wears pink lipstick. Oh, and we
even have a playground penis story in this week's Embarrassment
Spotlight. Happy Thanksgiving, USA folk. Try not to contaminate
the turkey with bodily fluid.
Do You Swallow?
This Week: Nerd stiffies, worrying about clansechs, cool penises
and the women who love everything about them, loving a bisexual
chick, worrying about an underdeveloped penis, and Ravensoft's
Jake Simpson shares his Embarrassment Spotlight... Open up and
say aaaaaaah! .
Twigs and Berries
This Week: Uncooperative winkies, Mynx's stinky feet, some guy
utterly enthralled with the Shambler, Quake for love and comfort,
and Big Gay Al stops by to wish for Paul Steed. Sort of makes
me want to curl up in a ball and cry.
This Week: Roommate caught smelling smeared toilet
paper (yoink), conquering your fear of spiders, playing hide the
sausage with your Dad's co-worker, seeking an inhalable arouser,
freakshow, and a spewing Embarrassment Spotlight. If I didn't
have morning sickness already, you reknobs would make me spew.
This Week: Living a sucky life in high school, falling
in love with your one night stand, learning to wield the power
of the tongue, rubbing force feedback in your panties, smelling
vagina and an embarrassment spotlight that will leave you clutching
your bunghole protectively. If your mom sees your anus once
you're out of diapers, you know you're bound for some trouble.
Breasts Are Our Friends!
This Week: Colorful testicles, a poor young teenager
worried about breasts in his computer games(!), wondering yet
again if girls really play single player, rubbing your stubby
dry, what do hooters feel like, and an Embarrassment that brings
a whole new meaning to phone sex. I'm pretty fly for a white
Grande que destella erecci?!
This Week: When the stub plays dead, your
dad likes dude pron, and your girlfriend has no idea what's in
your pants. Teenage girls who shave the mouse, some guy
and his wife and their as-yet-unknown sex chick, and one of the
Shackmonkeys gets caught, literally, in Victoria's Secret in this
week's Embarrassment Spotlight. More fun than a steedchick
in a vat of mayonnaise!
Hock a Loogie
This Week: Lowtax, aka Senor Jose Sweetcheeks,
a poor young man with a hairy stump, some guy who just isn't all
that interested in sex (say it ain't so!), a spitshine on the
man steak, and a really yucky Embarrassment Spotlight courtesy
of RadPipe, and his nose. Anybody got a kleenex?
This Week: Another really hairy dude, some random
llama getting chubbies for Duke, sticks and stones breaking peeholes,
sex roleplaying with Carmack and sCary, the current Steed fad,
and an Embarrasment Spotlight by yours truly. This one transcends
embarrassment and creeps into traumatic stress syndrome.
Enjoy it, it about killed me. Oh, and after you read
this, go enter my drawing, cuz it ends
This Week: Geeks with two foot long girl hair, the
burning question: do girls poop? Smoking while you frag
frag frag, great big gigantic testicles of power, plucking horny
hair while thinking about Quake, and an Embarrassment Spotlight
that illustrates the motto, always be prepared. Really super
prepared. Oh, and after you read this, go enter my
drawing, you freaks.
This Week: QuakeCon. QuakeCon. Casual sex
at QuakeCon. Some chick in love with a geek at QuakeCon.
A QuakeCon virgin afraid to go, a QuakeCon id stalker wants
to meet the men behind the game, QuakeCon and drunken freaks,
wanking at QuakeCon, and would mynx let Mental4 go to QuakeCon??
Holy Buttstubble, Batman!
This Week: Settling into a relationship, stinky femfarts,
shaving a hairy hide, a straight man in a bellybutton ring and
nailpolish, blah blah Paul Steed blah blah, and a pop-spoogey
Embarrassment Spotlight. It makes me glad I'm double-jointed,
This Week: Cartoon love, a bald hot-dog and beans,
geeks vs. "real men" and the women that love them, overcoming
a fear of peeing in public, when the pupil becomes the master,
the beast that lives in Lowtax's pants, and a really disgusting
Embarrassment Spotlight. Boom chaka laka.
This Week: Taking a bite out of love, cutting off ciruclation
with a manglove, living with a stupid haircut for the love of
a good woman, aliens baking bread in the underpants of women around
the world, another net.love connection (aww, how sweet!), and
an interesting peek into the depths of the Quake community's bathroom
habits. It doesn't get much stranger than this. Are
you guys medicated for these problems or what?
This Week: A girlfriend, a strap-on, and a few questions.
An Irish lass looks for love in American places, some
guy plagued with violent outbursts questions the Quake connection,
a worried girlfriend writes in with a concern about her lover's
penile slant, an oinking computer nerd with wife trouble, and
a disgustingly gooey Embarrassment Spotlight, courtesy of a "former
Ion employee" who remains nameless. Anybody got a Kleenex?
This Week: Dear John Romero!! I've handed
over the leash, er, reins to the Daikatana man himself, where
he tackles such pressing issues as the "let's just be friends"
excuse, a three-testicled Quake player seeking reassurance, small
schmekkies and lack of body hair, some poor dork in love with
Kornelia, how to avoid throwing temper tantrums when you lose
a deathmatch, and... oh ye of little faith... it can be achieved!
You too can have hair like John Romero! In this Dear Mynx
exclusive, John reveals his ten step program for healthy, shiny
hair. Strip down, grease up, and wallow around with Dear
This Week: Since good things "come" to those who wait,
you freaky punks are getting a good old fashioned rerun this week,
the special all-embarrassment column from way back when.
Why, you ask? I can't bear to part with the awesome questions
I've received, so I'm spending this week hoarding the funkiest
of questions, because next week's column will bring you something
new and, dare I say it, exciting. Arousing? You'll
just have to wait and see.
This Week: Wank,
wank, wanking the day away in odd places, a guy that is addicted
to girlie (literally) mags, Mynx gives a lesson on how to
kiss like a pro, a poor lad with dragon breath seeks help, Carmack
visits a lucky soul in dreamland (and brings pet snakes!) and
a stretchy embarrassment spotlight that has all the classic players:
Lovers, mothers, and condoms. Bouncy bouncy!!
This Week: What to do with a gay Quake
player ("not that there's anything wrong with that.."), self love
as witnessed by a sibling, Quake apathy because of a chick, hot
and sweaty Quake, and some guy writes in about his backdoor wife
love. Quake 3 is out - quit pestering me.
This Week: Hooboy. I downshift
into a glossary one week and all the hosebeasts come slurping
out of the woodwork. Where do you people come from?!
Grab your bottle of Mylanta, a nice big spoon, and burrow in for
a glimpse at how the other half lives. Yeap, just when you
thought it was safe... some guy is in love with a lesbian, another
guy has a great big giant wookie, then there's the dude with the
poo fetish, a Quake battle over a woman, and the weekly foreskin
guy. What would we do without weekly foreskin guys?! And
wrapping the whole thing up with a small show of good taste is
id software's Graeme Devine, who shared his teenage embarrassing
moment with us in the midst of the q3test releases. Graeme
Many of you have commented on my, er, creative terms, usually
for things relating to sex, and asked how and why I come up with
such things. It all started back in the day when I was a
newbie advice columnist, and needed "other" ways to say things
that might not normally be so okay to say. Thus, the Mynxisms
were born. Many are my own, many I've picked up along the
way. You asked for it, and who am I to deny my loving public?
So, by popular demand, the glossary of Mynxisms! Enjoy!
What to do when Quake makes you wet, some guy who offered to let
his chick get back in someone else's saddle only to take back
his offer, a young man with a late blooming oak, a hairy-assed
lad, some low down and dirty net sex (or as Mental would say,
"hotchat"), the great "Does she or doesn't she?" question, and Mynx
responds to a reader inquiry on sexual orientation.
Where's the beef?
I'm back, I'm bad, I'm nasty. Read all about an eavesdropping
older brother and his masturbation woes, wonder aloud with us
- do chicks that play Quake deny it? Don't be ashamed of
your penis, all penises deserve love, what to do with a chick
who has a better net connect than you, how to get it on if you're
too Dorky(tm) for Steedstyle, a squeaky clean mansteak, and that
age old quandary: Why are two women better than one?
Tie me to an anthill and smear my thighs with jam, it's party
Dear Paul Steed!! That's right kids, a tasty morsel for
your gobbling pleasure: Dear Mynx's very FIRST EVER guest
host... and who better to for the first time than Paul Steed?
Meow! Paul gives advice this week on Quake 3 pre-ordering,
the patented Steed attraction technique, answering to a "furry"
dude, helping out a poor old lonely married man, tidbits on a
randy young fellow interested in his Quake playing (!) polysci
professor, some random peon who doesn't understand Quake erections,
and a pickup on the ole Adrianator. Oooh... nirvana!
This Week: Battery operated friends for your travelling
loved ones, mouthy Quake players that offend and annoy, a chick
with a history and her disgruntled new love, a guy that has the
urge to get greasy and visit Romero, and a stinky Embarrassment
Spotlight, guaranteed to honk your tooter. Bang a gong,
This Week: Mom's cousin has a schmekkie and she's dating
his best pal, dumb teenagers making themselves dumber, how to
get pregnant in two easy steps, a really doggone affectionate
pooch, and an embarrassing tale about a poor little leprechaun's
lucky charms. Aye, lassie.
Week: An old saggy Canuck who Quakes with the best of 'em,
evil females in a big hot net.love tamale, grunting like dear
old dad in the heat of passion, the rumor mill flies around in
a big fat circle, wondering if Mynx has a penis of her own and
a new workplace wangodango. You gotta love it.
This Week: Testicle size insecurity, Answering that age
old "does size really matter?" question, when old folk get it
on where people can hear them, a Quake dude and his arousing keyboarding
chick, some wack gal with id-lust, and a reader contributed Embarrassment
Spotlight that brings a whole new mental image to "working late".
It's My Party!
It's my 25th birthday (2/12/74), and I'm throwing my own little
Dear Mynx birthday party! Whee! This issue is chock
full of some of my all time favorite Embarrassment Spotlights,
containing everything from Paul Steed's w00d to Tom Hall's flatulence.
Cut the cake and pop the champagne, I'm ready to party!
+2 Nips of Death
This Week: A penis washing young man suffers, whacking the
weeds that grow 'neath the tree, girls that lean over and let
fly, John Romero's nipple action, a u-turn on the roadhog of love,
and SamHell shares his peepshow Embarrassment Spotlight for your
viewing enjoyment. If this was any more fun you'd be wearing
a peanut-butter filled thong and begging to be called sCary!
Balled and Chained
This Week: A horribly demented man, mommy plays Quake with
her teenage boys and doles out the verbal abuse, a man so desperate
to impress his Quake-toting girlfriend that he breaks out in hives,
some poor dork with friends who bomb him with poo, Mynx gets a
marriage proposal, and Mental4's Piggy makes a long awaited comeback
in honor of the big 33. Harpy barfday, Mental!
You Show Me Yours
Week: A little limp friend, assuming that Quake stiffies
make a retard, stripping for fun and maybe profit (hey, it worked
for Preacher Boy!), worrying about Rover's winky, loving Romero
from afar, and a battery-powered Embarrassment Spotlight that
will have you buzzing with laughter. Don't stop!!
Punch the Munchkin!
Week: Mommy and Daddy capture the flag, closeted gay teenagers
in love, an attractive young chap with back hair, a poor
kid with a fear of penile torture, loving and leaving a Duke Nukem
addict, and a particularly hairy Embarrassment Spotlight contributed
by one of our ever faithful and ever twisted readers. Boom
Happy New Year!
Week: Stripping for love, A very grinchy kid whines about
Christmas, some womanly gossip about a hot male bod, a truly stinky
girl, a dominating wife and her quivering lump of husbandry, and
Dear Mynx reader Tim contributes his Embarrassing Moment... Caught
on tape! Happy new year!! Woo Hoo!
This Week: Hoping Mynx is still alive, some guy who sliced
open his little frankfurter, a not-so-fun and messy six nine,
pulling a camelbladder over Quake, a husband writes in regarding
his doubly fun wife, the obligatory penis size inquiry, a hermaphrodite
in love, and our teacher-seducing anonymous Embarassment Spotlight
comes back for a second helping! Deck the freakin halls!
Bow Down, You're Mine
This Week: A super bitter and grouchy geek, a poor, lost,
Hummer-less soul, getting it on in the Mile-High potties, some
guy gives mynx 'tude, and a horrifying embarrassment Spotlight
courtesy of an anonymous, embarrassed, mortified Texan programmer.
This Week: What happens when you get a six, and a nine,
and you put 'em together, some guy that has a Quake chick but
secretly lusts after his male friend, getting some tail at a Halloween
party only to realize that the masked lover in your bed is really
your evil ex, the safer way to persue oral and/or manual fun,
and a sunny side up Embarrassment Spotlight, part II of my boobly
misadventures. Tip me over, pour me out!
Trick or Treat!
Week: It's the first annual Halloween column! Ooga
booga! This week we've got a yearly Halloween sex romp,
a sex kitten wanting to burst out of her shy exterior, a gawky
adolescent wants to trick or treat, some dude is terrified of
the wee goblins, and a true-life embarrassing moment involving
me, my boobs, and Halloween. Trick or treat!!
When It Gets Hard
Week: Bending and deforming the schlongo, a ravished woman and
her lover's Quake-driven lust, mystery lumps on the flesh torpedo,
foreskin-yanking pubes, and a battery powered reader-submitted
Embarrassment Spotlight! Didja miss me?!
Week: The woe of having a pornographic nick, popping caffeine
pills and making out with an idiot, fearing your gay brother and
his love for Hanson, vagina vagina vagina, perfume d' penis, and
a pantsful of smell on stage! Read it, caress it, read it
again and send me your deepest, darkest secrets . Next week
I'll be off getting into trouble, so this one's gunna have to
do ya until my triumphant return on 10/21. Me love you long
Peanut Butter Love
Week: Chowing down on toe jam, an innocent young pup discovers
the perils of womanhood, a naughty Quake player goes to the dark
side, some guy's old Quake playin, ass-whoopin, deathmatching
mom, a peanut butter love story, and two of Planet Quake's bad
boys find themselves in this week's Embarrassment Spotlight.
Week: Ideallistic pig looks for Quake chicks, some poor kid sees
grownups boink while his friend bleeds to death, a Quake playing,
porn looking, distant wife, a visit from the genital wart fairy,
smegma fears and a ripe moment with a 4th grade Tom Hall.
Put the boogie in your butt! Woo!
A Meaty Sandwich
Naked Quake, a virgin with an "experienced" gal, some boy who
wants to get groovy at the Beatdown, annoying the Quake Daddy,
living with a teensy weenie, a meaty Paul sandwich, and young
CliffyB talks about the time a large man nearly violated him with
frozen pizza in a grocery store parking lot. All you ever
wanted, and MORE!
Groom the Poodle
This Week: Some greedy feeb who needs more power, an innocent
young thing and her lesbian affair with her best friend, running
around with a crowd who can't stand shooter games, a 28 year old
virgin, Mynx is a big meanie poopoo head, and the oblig
atory question about John Romero's "death". Yah baybee,
it's Meat Helmets in the spring!
A lady Quaker gets a visit from the pepperoni fairy, Mr. Happy
rolls over and limply plays dead, some guy with a pungent piggy,
a freaked out dude and pubic hair on his fork, an obsessive compulsive
Quake player with an even number fetish, and an anonymous coder
shares his most embarrassing moment, for your sick twisted pleasure.
The Dear Mynx time machine lands! Read the now infamous
Embarrassment Spotlight by American "Tokay" McGee, (formerly)
of id software. Never one to disappoint, you'll also get
your weekly dose of evil chicks, stubby winkies, old farts at
id software with their gas guzzlers, Catholic virgins, some guy's
.plan, and a random misinformed dork annoys Mynx. Boom chaka
We take a trip back in time to revisit one of Mynx's Greatest
Hits! Sit back and enjoy this vintage column! Laughing
in the bathroom, yet another plea for Mr. Steed's attention (give
it up, people, sheesh), internet boyfriends, Mynx gets a good
tongue lashing, things that go itch in the nether regions, and
levelord's run-in with Captain Picard's groin.
It's a man baybee, polishing the knob, dreaming of Planet Quake,
spronking w00d over Dear Mynx, a stickshift that won't lay down
during car rides, becoming far too happy with love for the family
pet (what is it with all the penis mail this week?!
Freaks!), and a trip back in time to visit a young Quake webmaster
when he was just a wee little sapling. Boing boing boing!
Computer game water terrors, a good Quake 2 rogering, yanking
up the carpet in the garden of love, trouser snakes who fear the
ole doc, some dork gripes at Mynx, this week's id stalker speaks
out on his need for Steed approval, and PSX shares the time he
got naked, wet, and slippery in front of his entire family.
Oh my my, oh hael yes!
Fetishes over those little footsies, 800 megs of pron, chundering
like Mole Boy from Quake, incorrigible penises in the morning,
gassy girlfriends, sinking your teeth into Carmack, and Squirrel
Eiserloh shares a naked embarrassment from his wild college days.
Wark wark wark!
Hopping the Honker!
Mom's a babe, best friends with homosexual urges, ugly old net
girlfriends from hell, how Quake kills sex lives, holding the
pee and the poo, Romero's marital status and vitamin enrichment,
and a reader contributes an embarrassing moment. It's two, two,
two mints in one!
Pubic hair on the lam, losing your shorts while you sleep, speedbumps
on the road to willieville, Dad's stank-ass pron habit, becoming
a man, and fingering Mynx. Where did I put that butter flavored
Cradle The Onion!
Rejoice, another butt guy! Prank calling chicks, Quake while
mourning, a homosexual crush on that funky buttmonkey shuga guy,
firing the missle in algebra class, questioning the tarty column
contributors, and a crusty escapade with Dave "ddt" Taylor's boogers.
Somebody bring me the frosting.
Here Piggy Piggy!
Being unfaithful to Doom, parents who wanna watch the weasel barf,
underwear that stinks to high heaven, becoming a lesbian at a
Net Cafe, showing Dad your unit, anal seepage, and an oinking
good embarrassment spotlight by Mental4. If this were any
more fun, you'd be naked and it'd be illegal.
Quake grounds for divorce? Some guy and his braidable butt
hair, sucky Clans (is that redundant?), the blossoming of the
net-love flower into a real-life fruit, some guy who's too honest
for his own good, and a skanky chick with a Quake-bod husband.
Zig a zig-ha!
Skinning The Tadpole
endurance contests, Romero makes someone's husband gay, lying
like a dog for fun and profit, some guy pretending to be a chick
with a net husband-to-be, beating the boss' ass, and Mynx measures
up to Dr. Ruth.
Eating Your Own Hot Dog
own hot dog, Quake's a pain in the wrist, Going chubbily through
puberty, Mom and dad and their audible worm flogging, Stupid chick
tricks and Battery operated love! Lay down the boogie!
Quake Love AWOL
love is MIA, messy wives and stanky lovers, too much Quake 2?
And a classic embarrassment spotlight from Zanshin, with a special
Don't Touch My Schmekle
my schmekle, girlymen, compulsive liar, Mom thinks I'm hot, 2D/3D
crack smoking, hands off the teenagers, and an anonymous Embarrassment
you stoopid, id guys naked shooting spitballs, living with parents,
daddy cheats on son's girl with Quake, and CTF creator (and id
Software contractor) Zoid snorting wine.
Blasting a Sporty
daddies, lawn poop, web chat is k3wL!!!, hot dogs, w00d is no
g00d, and ball size.
They're Her Nipples
girlfriend light her breasts on fire? Does she hAx0r you? Does
your "little buddy" often suffer from numbness? Would you like
to die? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you've
got to read this week's Dear Mynx. Even if you didn't, where else
can you see Ritual's Tom "Paradox" Mustaine expose himself to
troubles, body hair shaving, smelly chicks, computer addicts,
pissed off spouses, breaking into the biz, and sCary's balls.
sexual organs? Superman Underoos? Blood during wild monkey dancing?
Perhaps the lively flavor of chalk? If you answered yes to any
of these questions, then you'll love this week's Dear Mynx! And
even if you don't like that stuff, there's still some other interesting
letters... like some opinions on Quake III and the blaming Mynx
for American McGee's firing (doh!).
Chinese Porn Star
a Chinese Porn Star? Do you want to be? Well, it doesn't matter
because it really doesn't have much to do with this week's column.
This week, Mynx dishes out advice (and insults) in response to
questions about fun names, winkies, mixed signals, "Fluting the
Hosebeast," babies in bed and .plan flames. Plus, American "Tokay"
McGee in this week's Embarrassment Spotlight.
Short and Stubbies
"Butt People" come from? Does size matter? Who is Mynx anyway?
Are women insane? Why do white guys wear shorts? Who's hotter,
Ann Landers or Mynx? Plus, Mynx reveals an embarrasing moment
of her own.
Professors of Pr0n
just ONE of the fun little diseases that pop up in this week's
Dear Mynx, as Mynx helps out a few people with... bodily imperfections.
Plus, a Professor caught doing some "extra-credit" pr0n browsing,
a whining low ping bastard, id's John Cash gets dissed, and an
Embarrassment Spotlight that involves handcuffs and a naked Batman...
Laughing in the Potty
Mynx takes on "Laughing Potty Boy," another Paul Steed stalker,
online romance, a fLaM3r hAx0r, and crabs. Oooh, that sounds like
fun. Best of all is this week's Embarrassment Spotlight, which
involves a certain Star Trek captain's groin and Ritual's Levelord!
Err... WAIT! NO! It's not what you think!
Valentine's Day Special!
Valentine's day. Love is in the air... but will a zit on an embarrasing
region ruin it all for one unfortunate Quaker? Is Quake II a good
Valentine's gift? Are you addicted to Steed? Are you being cheated
on? Plus, Killcreek reveals an... uncomfortable moment. And hey,
it's Mynx's birthday too!
Brady Bunch Bingo?
on a girl in love with her new stepbrother, a Quake-playin' professor
who's into "extra-curriculor" activities (watch the rocket launcher
there, doc), and a young man who's girlfriend has a Bush fixation.
Also: id Software's Paul Steed disucsses reading poetry... "the