I did exactly what I said. I barely did anything that could be considered "trying" and I scored a decent job. Every day I woke up, pooled a bunch of email addresses into one email and mass sent my resume' with barely 2 sentences in the email itself.
"Good morning, I have an exceptional amount of experience. My detailed resume' is attached."
I'm not kidding. I then did whatever the hell I want for the rest of the day and repeated the process the next day. I got numerous calls for interviews in the last week+ and shut them all down by phone with simple questions:
1) What are you offering for the position?
2) How often do you do performance reviews and give raises?
3) What benefits do you offer, and how long before I qualify for them?
4) Is it your belief that hiring me is an unsaid agreement that all my time is now your time?
And other such questions that scare the shit out of bullshit bosses. Most respondents had all the wind sucked out of their sails at #2. I love saying this line "I'm sorry, I don't believe you qualify to employ me. Thank you for your attempt, though." :D:D I'm such a fucking douche bag but, in my world that shit is hilarious.
Anyway, to get back on point, I got a call yesterday from a popular oyster bar & seafood restaurant and they didn't back down from any of my questions. I didn't like some of the answers but, I did like how the guy was able to keep himself off the defensive by disassociating himself from the facts. When I start asking those questions you would think the person calling me has a personal stake in the game. They start stumbling and tripping, becoming shy to answer and you can just feel the tension that they feel helpless and in over their head. They realize they have a "Burger King" job and they are trying to offer me their "Burger King" job. Kevin answered my questions like he had a fucking cheat-sheet and saw me coming from 1000 miles away. It was awesome.
I went in but, no interview happened. I started immediately. As life would have it for me, not 2 minutes after walking in the door their oyster shucker quit. I always go to interviews ready to work (cause you never know). I had all my gear with me. Kevin looked at me and said "Are you available right now?" ... "I came ready to work, bro. The only thing you need to do is tell me some fully grown man amount of money you are going to pay me and then really pay me that cause, I'll quit too if you don't."
He said an acceptable number. We shook hands, and then I got dressed and rocked his oyster bar all night. At the end of the night he added 1$ an hour to his initial offer. This was his exact words ~ "I knew you were going to be good but, showing up with clothes that match our establishment and all of your own tools, and then working the oyster bar all night perfectly with no training put you on another tier. Add 1$ to my initial offer." ... "Good job! Save up your dollars cause, I'm going to want more of them in 6 months, and if you are righteous there will be no doubt in your mind that you owe them." ... "Understood."
And that's how you do jack shit and get a job.
1) Mass email a professional resume'
2) Disregard all bullshit by phone
3) Show up to every interview ready to work. In my case, this time, it was 1 interview but, even if it would have been 100 interviews I would have shown up ready to work for whatever position I was applying for.
There is probably a 4
4) Be a "rock star". At no point was I "in need" of a job. The exact opposite. "I don't need shit so what are you going to offer me that compels me to want to come to work for you?".
They have me on the schedule working 2 doubles and 2 singles cause, I like to compress my time into the least amount of days. I walk in the door with overtime and 3 days off. Rock Fuckin' Star. I'm going to get them to change it to 3 doubles and 4 days off. Bet me.