Forums

Welcome Guest

Pages: 1
Program Anything
OneMadGypsyPostSeptember 25, 2018, 18:28
Moderator
Posts: 307
Registered:
November 12, 2017, 00:13
Normal topicProgram Anything

I have spent the better part of today programming ... my resume'. It's about time to get my ass back to work. I generally give no fucks about a resume and tend to give people a piece of white paper with some job history and facts printed on it but, no care or time has ever been taken to make something that looks professional. I thought about it when I woke up today, and there is no reason why I couldn't take my html and css skills to make a heavily styled "web page" that contains the information and flow that you would expect on a resume' and then simply convert it to pdf.

I did that. It looks awesome. I would show you but, the document is full of personal information that I would rather not share with the entire internet. I tend to get well-paying jobs with a "resume'" that looks like it was made in 5 minutes (cause it was). I'm curious to see what I can land with a resume' that looks like I hired a professional writer with professional document templates to write.

I was so anal about the entire thing that I made numerous size, padding, margin and border adjustments to make sure that every page was exactly full and no page overflowed to the next. Pixel perfect precision. I also loaded it up with so much information as to be overwhelming and if I did it right, whoever reviews this resume will have their eyes hit things that are programming their brain to hire/remember me but it is doubtful they will actually read the entire thing. It's a gamble. Like, for instance most resume's have 3 references. I have 40 ... and they are all real. I loaded each reference up with info on who the person is, their relation to me, years known .... just overwhelming amounts of data designed to make the reviewer give up but, in no way have me slip their mind. That's not going to happen. They are never forget the guy that sent them a novella styled like a modern website.

AdmerPostSeptember 26, 2018, 14:49
Moderator
Posts: 57
Registered:
December 31, 2017, 23:20
Normal topicReply To: Program Anything

Good luck, man. ^^
That sounds interesting.

OneMadGypsyPostSeptember 26, 2018, 17:20
Moderator
Posts: 307
Registered:
November 12, 2017, 00:13
Normal topicReply To: Program Anything

I made a second resume' that is minimalist to say the least. I am going to try them both. I may even try them both with the exact same jobs. I'm taking the somewhat lazy approach. I want to email blast my resume to 100 places, discard all the cheap fucks by phone and make a maximum of 2 face-to-face interviews count. I am going to find a respectably paying job while barely moving. I have no issues with moving a whole lot. That's not the point. The point is to do almost nothing and score a well-paying job. I bet you $5000 that I will do exactly that. I'm the master of this shit.

For like 10 years ~ I go make a bunch of money, quit, live on the bunch of money, repeat. Only one time in that 10 years did it look like I might have really fucked up on how long I waited. At the last minute I pulled it all together with some junk job and then jumped through a series of jobs to a real job. I saved like 8 or 10 grand and said "bye bye job". I just don't fuckin care. All immediately achievable jobs are a junk job no matter how much money you make. Nobody has ever applied to be President and then been hired the next day. You don't walk into a law firm with typing skills and work your way up to lawyer one day. You can't take a biology class and go be a doctor. You CAN walk in to one of the THOUSANDS of restaurants in this city and make between 12 and 50 bucks an hour all just because you applied and got hired. It is mathematically impossible for me to quit my way through the entire city. I couldn't even quit my way through Downtown. For every restaurant that wont hire me, 50 will. My only weakness is providing work history in such a way that it doesn't appear like I'm going to make a bunch of money and quit for 6 months. Instead of straight up lying I use a method of great omission than never resolves to a "to" date. So like, let's say I worked 5 places in 5 years, I just list one and the start date. A list of start dates implies a concurrent end date but, I never said that. That's what assumptions get you. However that assumption is fortified when you look at how thorough all the other data is.

Basically it's all a big mind-fuck. Things seem impressive and most people are too busy or stupid to get past how things seem. Regardless of how things seem, nowhere do I specifically state that however things seem is how they actually are. Really the only problem is work history. I really am a bad-ass employee for however long I intend to work for you. I really do know what I am doing and I am 100% capable and ready to do it. I take great pride in outworking the entire fucking staff. The longest job I ever had was the two (actually) that kept raising me up. I would be really close to that quit level and then get a check with a 2$ an hour raise on it or an envelope with a couple hundred bonus dollars in it. But even those jobs have a cap.

Actually that's a big part of it. It's not just that I prefer to do whatever the hell I want to do. It's also the cap. You could pay me 100$ an hour and if the potential is not there for me to make 110$ then I gotta go. It's not the smartest plan. I know that. It's the "fuck your prison" plan. I was making about $1200 a week at my last job and a whole lot of that was straight up cash. Am I still there? I didn't get fired. I never get fired. As soon as it's apparent that your job is a no growth job .. Beep Beep ZipTang. I might quit you the first fucking day and go work right next door.

At my second-to-last job I walked up to the boss in October and told him I am taking Christmas week off. He made a huge deal about it and attempted to tell me that I can't have that week off. [PRISON JOB] I replaced him before the end of my shift with a new job. Funny thing about this world. My phone supports email, that email supports attachments, my resume' is on my phone and I have the power to peruse job-listings from my phone. That means I can fucking replace you from my phone while you pay me to do it. And that's exactly what I did. ... Can't take Christmas off with a 2 months advance notice. That mother fucker must have been on crack to think anything but "have a great vacation" was the proper answer. Especially considering he was talking to me. It's not like I make it some big secret that I am 100% uncontrollable in every regard. This is the same dude that told me I had to wear his ridiculous shirt to work everyday but only kitchen staff had to wear it. I never wore it. Not once. If the people that actually deal with the customers don't have to wear it, then I'm not wearing it either. He gave up. "Where's your shirt?" "I threw it away" "Really?!" "No, but I'm not fucking wearing it." "Do you like this job?" "No, and I give no fucks if you let me keep it."

It's hard getting rid of probably the strongest employee you have ever had.

OneMadGypsyPostOctober 11, 2018, 14:02
Moderator
Posts: 307
Registered:
November 12, 2017, 00:13
Normal topicReply To: Program Anything

I did exactly what I said. I barely did anything that could be considered "trying" and I scored a decent job. Every day I woke up, pooled a bunch of email addresses into one email and mass sent my resume' with barely 2 sentences in the email itself.

"Good morning, I have an exceptional amount of experience. My detailed resume' is attached."

I'm not kidding. I then did whatever the hell I want for the rest of the day and repeated the process the next day. I got numerous calls for interviews in the last week+ and shut them all down by phone with simple questions:

1) What are you offering for the position?
2) How often do you do performance reviews and give raises?
3) What benefits do you offer, and how long before I qualify for them?
4) Is it your belief that hiring me is an unsaid agreement that all my time is now your time?

And other such questions that scare the shit out of bullshit bosses. Most respondents had all the wind sucked out of their sails at #2. I love saying this line "I'm sorry, I don't believe you qualify to employ me. Thank you for your attempt, though." :D:D I'm such a fucking douche bag but, in my world that shit is hilarious.

Anyway, to get back on point, I got a call yesterday from a popular oyster bar & seafood restaurant and they didn't back down from any of my questions. I didn't like some of the answers but, I did like how the guy was able to keep himself off the defensive by disassociating himself from the facts. When I start asking those questions you would think the person calling me has a personal stake in the game. They start stumbling and tripping, becoming shy to answer and you can just feel the tension that they feel helpless and in over their head. They realize they have a "Burger King" job and they are trying to offer me their "Burger King" job. Kevin answered my questions like he had a fucking cheat-sheet and saw me coming from 1000 miles away. It was awesome.

I went in but, no interview happened. I started immediately. As life would have it for me, not 2 minutes after walking in the door their oyster shucker quit. I always go to interviews ready to work (cause you never know). I had all my gear with me. Kevin looked at me and said "Are you available right now?" ... "I came ready to work, bro. The only thing you need to do is tell me some fully grown man amount of money you are going to pay me and then really pay me that cause, I'll quit too if you don't."

He said an acceptable number. We shook hands, and then I got dressed and rocked his oyster bar all night. At the end of the night he added 1$ an hour to his initial offer. This was his exact words ~ "I knew you were going to be good but, showing up with clothes that match our establishment and all of your own tools, and then working the oyster bar all night perfectly with no training put you on another tier. Add 1$ to my initial offer." ... "Good job! Save up your dollars cause, I'm going to want more of them in 6 months, and if you are righteous there will be no doubt in your mind that you owe them." ... "Understood."

And that's how you do jack shit and get a job.

1) Mass email a professional resume'
2) Disregard all bullshit by phone
3) Show up to every interview ready to work. In my case, this time, it was 1 interview but, even if it would have been 100 interviews I would have shown up ready to work for whatever position I was applying for.

There is probably a 4
4) Be a "rock star". At no point was I "in need" of a job. The exact opposite. "I don't need shit so what are you going to offer me that compels me to want to come to work for you?".

They have me on the schedule working 2 doubles and 2 singles cause, I like to compress my time into the least amount of days. I walk in the door with overtime and 3 days off. Rock Fuckin' Star. I'm going to get them to change it to 3 doubles and 4 days off. Bet me.

Pages: 1
Page loaded in: 0.081 seconds.