DO YOU GET OTHER EMPLOYEES TO PLAY?
now got the green light to play a few hours of Lithium during
work. But what's the fun in playing if you can't slaughter your
coworkers, something you've dreamed of ever since Bob from the
accounting department told everybody about the time you cried
at the ending of "Beaches"? The key lies in inviting
people that, due to their repetitive and dull positions, have
lost all will to live. They will be much easier to frag than the
normal hyperactive 16 year olds you might find yourself up against
if you played on an outside server. Let's examine the various
types of people you may work with and if they're fragbait or not.
- Secretaries are the most adept typists you'll find in the
office. That makes them potentially lethal killing machines
especially if they play keyboard only. So if you play against
your secretary, your best method of winning is to pay people
to call your office, shouting frantically that they need to
speak to your boss, claiming that the government has found "the
test subjects". If this doesn't work, have a friend spill
scalding coffee on her hands. The downside of beating them
- You'll never get any phone messages again.
- Here are some good targets. Manager spend all day... um,
managing things, so they usually have the reflexes of charcoal.
They'll come up with all these ingenious plans to kill you,
but when you coming whizzing around the corner with a railgun,
they're cannon fodder. The downside of beating them
- You'll probably be fired. Or at least you'll wish you were
after he moves your office next to the loading docks.
coworkers - Could be a gamble. They do the same work as
you (in theory), so they might be as well skilled as you in
the Quaking arts. The best thing you could do would be to wait
until some large crisis in their life, such as a family tragedy
or something, and then ask them to play (ie "Gee Brad,
I'm sorry your mom was gored to death by those bulls and all.
Have you ever played Quake before?" They won't be focused
at all and will be easy targets. The downside of beating
them - For revenge, they could pee in the water cooler and
you'd never know it.
I would advise
against asking the boss to play you a few rounds of deathmatch.
When it comes to computer games, bosses are clueless. You'd be
lucky if you could find a company president somewhere that knows
how to begin a game of Solitaire by himself. Of course, this is
yet another sweeping generalization, but fortunately I don't really
Well, I think
that pretty much sums up the "Quaking at work" guide.
I'm sure there are things I left out, but that's only because
is no "Quaking at school" guide! It was a trick! Stay
in school instead and pay attention; you'll thank me later for
with a developed method of writing, an advanced understanding
of mathematics and astronomy, a calendar system, and as well as
a striking artistic aesthetic and ingenious architectural style,
the Mayan culture created an empire that spanned the area known
today as southern Mexico, El Salvador, Honduras, Belize, and Guatemala.
Oops, wrong article.
I hope this article has helped you become more successful in your
pursuit to frag at work, one of the most notable and lofty goals
in the history of mankind. If it hasn't, I'm really not that surprised.
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