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Mailbag

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    PQ | Features | Mailbag | March 8, 2002
   

PQ Mailbag

(Why it's late...)

All right, you people have been slacking. A week after the last mailbag, my inbox was, shall we say, not bursting with replies. Sure, I had a few, but little of it matched my *cough* high standards. Last week was a nightmare. From Tuesday until late Thursday evening my mail server was dead. A bit late then to find a new sidekick, so I fired a message off to Dire Hamster and we got to work. Halfway through, my ISP gave up the ghost for another 12 or so hours. Long story short, this mailbag was finished Sunday afternoon. Though "Monday Mailbag" does have an nice alliterative quality to it, it seemed best to hold off until Friday in order to have a mailbag virtually bursting with quality. That, and I'm lazy.

Anyhow, that means that this week the 'Hamster takes up the mantle of sidekick once more. I realize that this breaks tradition but fear not, gentle readers, for next week's replacement has already been chosen. And now it's time for a few words from the man himself:

Alright, well, thanks for asking me back to work on the mailbag, but frankly, it's kind of a pain in the ass. It's not that I don't enjoy working on it, but both times you've written me, it's been a Friday evening, and believe it or not, I do have a life. Anyway, that said, go ahead and write if you need me again.

Ok, one thing I do want to know... why the is the planetquake mailbag censored? I mean, this is a site dedicated to three "M" rated games. As in, you must be 17 or older to buy them. Well, ok, actually two "M" rated games, and one that got an ESRB rating of 4 for graphic violence, and a 2 for expletives (I couldn't find them either). Speaking of the ESRB rating system, I rather liked the old system of ratings better... It let you know which games really had the good stuff...

Because of you, my friend. Because of you. I can't say I can recall the "mild expletives" mentioned in Quake either, unless perhaps they were referring to language used in deathmatches that could peel paint off of walls as "mild." Anyone else know? Mail me and you'll be guaranteed a slot in the next mailbag. Free of insults, no less!

And now, on with the show.

Feedback and the like

I seem to get slightly less of this each week. Perhaps people are beginning to be scared away from writing in - a mixed blessing, to be sure.

From: Spincut
Subject: Mailbag

Dear madman/newest sidekick,

On your topic of the week, I say BOON! The only thing better than an insane madman is TWO insane madMEN! Truly, the only thing better than that would be world domination, and that's not gonna happen for another 5 years!

Sincerely,
Spincut

a madman: Madman? Slightly irritated, perhaps, from the deluge of get rich quick schemes that pour into my inbox. But that's about it. I'm as lucid as I've ever been.

Dire Hamster: ...as long as you remember to take your medication. As for the world domination, I'm betting I can cut that time in half.

a madman: I say we stick with the original plan. The 100-Terrawatt death projector isn't going to be done until mid-2005. After that's done, cleanup should take 3 months, tops.

Dire Hamster: Well, then, what the hell did I buy all this underwater drilling equipment for!?


From: Jube
Subject: Mailbag Sidekick

One of my pet peeves is when gamers post pictures of themselves on the internet and others sit back in anonymity making fun of their appearance. So here's the deal... in the Feb. 16th Mailbag, evil Sidekick Dire Hamster made fun of someone's appearance. Thus I feel it is only fair that his picture is posted in the next mailbag! In addition, I'd like to see the next Sidekick (AKA "The Blue Light Special", attention K-Mart shoppers!) critique the picture.

Love,
Jube

a madman: In case you were wondering, this was the letter that Jube was referring to. I think.

Dire Hamster: Well to start with, unless the dude looks like this, I have absolutely no idea what he looks like. (By the way, if you're reading this, and this IS what you look like, you might have more luck with the ladies if you dressed a bit more butch.) Maybe he DID post pictures of himself somewhere on the internet, but it's not exactly like the first thing I do when writing these responses is hop online to go looking for photos of them.

a madman: To interrupt for a moment, it's possible that we were just a little too harsh on our buddy Mike. After all, the Quakescopes DO recommend writing to feedback@planetquake.com and not Jube herself. The presence of virtual hos on your desktop doesn't necessarily mean you're overcompensating for anything. And just because you like Dead or Alive 3 doesn't mean you're sweaty and undersexed. Now back to the rant in progress.

Dire Hamster: I suppose I did say that he was pasty and pale, and should get more fresh air, but that was more a comment on the ammount of time he probably spent indoors playing games than any actual knowledge of what the dude actually looks like. He could be Enrique Iglesias, for all I know.

Dire Hamster: As for Jube's comments: I have a rare disorder which makes it impossible for me to care about other people's feelings. You wouldn't be making fun of someone with a handicap, now would you, Jube?

a madman: I certainly hope not. That's part of MY job description, damnit. These things should be left to professionals.

Dire Hamster: Nevertheless, here is the photo you requested. It's a couple of years old, but it's the only one of me I could on my hard disk where I was actually facing the camera. My scanner seems to have stopped working ever since I installed the new video card, and my digital camera (the best that fifty US dollars could buy) is broken. Still, it's more or less what I look like, except for the haircut.

a madman: Yep. Look out ladies, Dire Hamster is on the prowl...

Dire Hamster: Unfortunately, there's little chance of me making fun of my own photo, but if anyone wants to write in to make fun of it (and this includes Jube, of course), write and tell us. Just be sure to include a photo of yourself along with the letter, so we can post it online.


From: Jens Rösner
Subject: AMD XP1700

Hi a madman!

In your recent mailbag, you are dissin' the guy who cannot get Team Arena to run. Ok, nothing wrong with that, but he is probably not running Windows XP as you said. He has an AMD XP1700 processor!
Maybe you just wanted to make fun of him anyway, but -hey- I heard rumours that even you make mistakes sometimes... ;)

CU
Jens
"d00m5uck4" - all the good nicks were taken

Dire Hamster: Well, I can't figure out what it is he's trying to say... or where he's confused. Or why he thinks the guy isn't running XP.

a madman: I'm pretty sure that when an email has "Win XP" in the title, it's a safe bet to say that it probably involves Windows XP. Particularly when the letter goes on to say "I'm running win xp." Sorry, chum, the house always wins.

Fortunately, he sent in another letter that's worth reading... coming up on the next page!

Next: A lot more stuff


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