I seem to get slightly less of this each week. Perhaps people are beginning to be scared away from writing in - a mixed blessing, to be sure.
Subject: Mailbag Sidekick
One of my pet peeves is when gamers post pictures of themselves on the
internet and others sit back in anonymity making fun of their appearance.
So here's the deal... in the Feb. 16th Mailbag, evil Sidekick Dire Hamster
made fun of someone's appearance. Thus I feel it is only fair that his
picture is posted in the next mailbag! In addition, I'd like to see the
next Sidekick (AKA "The Blue Light Special", attention K-Mart shoppers!)
critique the picture.
a madman: In case you were wondering, this was the letter that Jube was referring to. I think.
Dire Hamster: Well to start with, unless the dude looks like this, I have absolutely no idea what he looks like. (By the way, if you're reading this, and this IS what you look like, you might have more luck with the ladies if you dressed a bit more butch.) Maybe he DID post pictures of himself somewhere on the internet, but it's not exactly like the first thing I do when writing these responses is hop online to go looking for photos of them.
a madman: To interrupt for a moment, it's possible that we were just a little too harsh on our buddy Mike. After all, the Quakescopes DO recommend writing to email@example.com and not Jube herself. The presence of virtual hos on your desktop doesn't necessarily mean you're overcompensating for anything. And just because you like Dead or Alive 3 doesn't mean you're sweaty and undersexed. Now back to the rant in progress.
Dire Hamster: I suppose I did say that he was pasty and pale, and should get more fresh air, but that was more a comment on the ammount of time he probably spent indoors playing games than any actual knowledge of what the dude actually looks like. He could be Enrique Iglesias, for all I know.
Dire Hamster: As for Jube's comments: I have a rare disorder which makes it impossible for me to care about other people's feelings. You wouldn't be making fun of someone with a handicap, now would you, Jube?
a madman: I certainly hope not. That's part of MY job description, damnit. These things should be left to professionals.
Dire Hamster: Nevertheless, here is the photo you requested. It's a couple of years old, but it's the only one of me I could on my hard disk where I was actually facing the camera. My scanner seems to have stopped working ever since I installed the new video card, and my digital camera (the best that fifty US dollars could buy) is broken. Still, it's more or less what I look like, except for the haircut.
a madman: Yep. Look out ladies, Dire Hamster is on the prowl...
Dire Hamster: Unfortunately, there's little chance of me making fun of my own photo, but if anyone wants to write in to make fun of it (and this includes Jube, of course), write and tell us. Just be sure to include a photo of yourself along with the letter, so we can post it online.
From: Jens Rösner
Subject: AMD XP1700
Hi a madman!
In your recent mailbag, you are dissin' the guy who cannot get Team Arena to run.
Ok, nothing wrong with that, but he is probably not running Windows XP as you said.
He has an AMD XP1700 processor!
Maybe you just wanted to make fun of him anyway, but -hey-
I heard rumours that even you make mistakes sometimes...
"d00m5uck4" - all the good nicks were taken
Dire Hamster: Well, I can't figure out what it is he's trying to say... or where he's confused. Or why he thinks the guy isn't running XP.
a madman: I'm pretty sure that when an email has "Win XP" in the title, it's a safe bet to say that it probably involves Windows XP. Particularly when the letter goes on to say "I'm running win xp." Sorry, chum, the house always wins.
Fortunately, he sent in another letter that's worth reading... coming up on the next page!
Next: A lot more stuff