Welcome once more to the PlanetQuake mailbag, where we bring new meaning to the phrase "half-assed!" For those of you new to this feature, it generally involves one or more of the mailbag sidekick and myself becoming inebriated and attempting to answer the reader mail in a humorous and/or lucid manner. The assistant du jour is the mighty Dire Hamster and I'm Madman, your (sober) tour guide for the evening. Get ready to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Here at PQ it's all about the features. Well, that and the heaping piles of community content and up-to-the-minute news. For a moment, though, we'll choose to ignore that in order to respond to the previous mailbag's question - what's your favorite PQ feature?
From: "Stephen Howe"
Subject: My favorite regular feature on PQ... :)
The PQ Mailbag! It's kicks ass! I've been reading them since PQ
started them! Dear Mynx was my close 2nd, but she went off and got a
Please be sure to make fun of this in an orderly fashion.
Dire Hamster: Well, ok, if you want us to make fun of you, you're going to have to give us something to *work with* here. Tell us you're looking for erotic photos of the cast of CATS... ask us why autorun won't work.... *something* Sure we're highly trained professionals, but we've got to have something to work with.
a madman: So, you're saying that you can't find anything sarcastic to say about someone who's written in to the mailbag every week for a month now? You can't find anything amusing to say about someone who was an avid reader of Dear Mynx?
Actually, neither can I. I'm pretty sure once a man admits those kind of things, though, there's not a whole lot you can do to make it worse. We're certainly glad you enjoy the abuse.
From: Eric "ConfusedUs" Riddle
Subject: The poll
I want it back. =)
a madman: Presumably an answer to the question as well. I rather liked it too, and just as soon as I get around to buying that "Learn ASP in 14 days" book I'll be all over it.
From: Kris Noller
Subject: Keep it coming...
Jube's Desktop Readings kicks total ass...
a madman: DH has now passed out, which leaves me to answer this one alone. I doubt anyone will actually complain, and in fact Jube will doubtless appreciate his silence on this particular piece of feedback. All I'm going to say is that I'm an avid reader of the desktop readings each and every week, but it's because I'm forced to proofread them...
From: "Nathaniel Hatten"
Subject: Question of the Week Etc.
Dear PQ Perps.,
I just wanted to say, that I've actually begun to enjoy reading the PQ Mailbag, as your constant satire lends a light moment to a rather dull time in the Quake Arena(Yes, horrible copy phrase, I know. ;) )
Anywho, I was also interested in putting out a word, though quite late I am afraid, about QuakeCon 2002. I was an attendee to the BYOC, and though I consider myself a 'Hard-Core Gamer,' I was quite unprepared for the 'geek' level evident at the event. I understand that being a leader in things of interest, such as winning a QuakeCon conference would be of great importance to some, I can't help imagine how silly we all look to non-gamers because of this.
I read multiple articles reporting on the conference, but none proved a more worthy example as a mockery of gamers, than the live radio broadcasting(Or was it TV? Who cares?), of play-by-play gaming. It sounded worse than a Nascar Race host, sitting there chatting in the microphone about what's happening on-screen that you can obviously already see.
I understand that I am no doubt in the minority on this one, and gaming will one day become a professional sport, as the CPL(Not Quake related I know) wishes, but for now I should hope we could outgrow our 'geek' image. A final note is that, more and more gamers are 'casual-gamers' and that this is the image best suited to winning over the common public, and with the public come the politicians who are attempting to ban certain forms of gaming.
In retrospect, I really didn't intend to spout out such useless information, but I figured, WTF? If I get on PQ Mailbag, you'll mock me everyway possible, so why not enjoy it right? I mean, don't you like it in the ass? Since that's where you always get it gaming when you lose. ;)
- The Crow
Not all who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien
Dire Hamster: I certainly agree with you about the lameness of the play-by-play being run by like a Nascar host. I'd much prefer they have an auctioneer doing the color commentary... or better yet, have it called out like a square-dance, complete with banjoes and fiddles.
a madman: You know, I've been thinking about this for a while. And it really occurred to me that listening to a game of football or baseball play out on the radio is really just as meaningless as listening to a game of Quake 3. Neither one of them is ever going to affect your life in any noticable way, and you're never actually going to be skilled enough to compete professionally in either of them. It's just that one of them has its own section in the newspaper and the other doesn't.
So to be perfectly honest, I could care less whether they sound like dolts doing a play-by-play broadcast of a game of Return to Castle Wolfenstein because I find baseball just as boring and meaningless.
Dire Hamster: I have found, though, that you can make other people's lives much more interesting by adding play-by-play commentary to whatever they're doing... say, shopping for groceries, sorting their HD, eating popcorn at the theatre, that sort of thing. You should try it some time.
a madman: "And he goes for the conclusion... looks like it's going to be a weak finish, but he's driving hard... and YES! We have a conclusion! This letter is OVER, folks!"
Next: More mail awaits you on the next page!