This Week: What to do with a gay Quake player ("not
that there's anything wrong with that.."), self love as witnessed by a sibling,
Quake apathy because of a chick, hot and sweaty Quake, and some guy writes in
about his backdoor wife love. Quake 3 is out - quit pestering
There's a guy in my class
that's a splendid Quaker (and bullshitter) who enjoys admiring
uh........men, yeah as in WE GUYS. His Quaking skills are
splendid and he offers a "helping hand", inviting us to his 23
computered house. An ex-classmate found out he was gay by noticing his uh, "cassanovical" stances (e.g. placing the barracuda on a desk while standing). We other normal people think that he's covering up the fact that he's "straight" but don't think so. Please advise for the sake of ten other normal growing guys
Ok, pay attention now. Ready? Listening
close? YOU CAN'T TELL IF SOMEONE IS GAY JUST
BY LOOKING. Well, usually. Oh, and being gay is just as "normal"
as your "normal", dig? His sexual orientation means nothing with regard
to his Quake playing or his worthiness as a friend. Wherever
he chooses to hide the kongdong, that's HIS business. Not yours.
Thank you, drive through.
*whack* *whack* *whack*
So here I am in the computer room looking at
nudie pics, while whacking my lovestick. While I'm at it, my
brother opens the door, I quickly slam my self the deepest I could
in the desk, while trying to look normal. Anyways my bro
starts a conversation, I'm acting like I don't care so he would
leave and so he did. But just before he left, I noticed that he quickly looked down in direction of the desk (with
that kind of desk its pretty hard to see anything).
The day after, he knocks on the door before entering the room, that's when I knew he really
noticed what I was doing the other day before. I can't seem to stop thinking about this, its been a couple of days and I'm still embarrassed! Please help, any suggestions would be appreciated.
I suggest you do what you claim you cannot:
stop thinking about it. Unless you think you can have an open
and honest conversation with your bro about the perils of young
manhood and self-love, you'd be better served to just shut your
piehole and get on with your life. Oh, and buy a lock for your
door. I mean, really. Talk about "heading" it off at the
Always Something There To Remind Me
girlfriend and I had been seeing each other for about two and a half
years. I was forced to leave school due to medical reasons, while
she stayed to continue working towards her degree. When we were
together we played Quake together.. but a month ago she dumped me (in a chat room).. and now I can't even look at Quake without missing her terribly.
To top it off, she's now in the chat rooms all of
the time, flirting with guys all over the place, and it
drives me nuts. What the heck do I do to get over
her and get back to Quake?
She ended a two and a half year relationship in
a CHAT room? Yeowch. As nasty as it sounds, if she could
drop you that easily, I would question her loyalty and affection for
you in the first place. Two years is a lot of time for such an
impersonal ditch. It is possible to get on with life even with
her moving in the same circles you do... but you need to understand
that she is there, and she is flirting, and she's probably doing it
all for one benefit: jealousy. She's trying to make you
jealous, flaunt what you no longer have, and make you want to crawl
under the buttcrack of a toad... and you know what? It's
working. She's got you right where she wants you.. For the
love of toejam, man, how can you let her stand between you and
Quake? I can only hope that since Quake3 has been released,
you're overcoming your, er, shortcoming and getting back to what's
really good in life. It is the ultimate power trip for her to
ruin the things that make you happy. Don't let her.
Embrace Quake. Caress your mouse. Flick your tongue ever
so lightly over the down arrow. Dim the lights, break out the
Love Ewe, and give yourself a chance to become one with Quake yet
Go on. You know you want
Wet T-shirt Contests Among Quake
For all the years I've
been gaming I've had this small problem. Actually, the
earliest occurrence of it that I can remember was while playing
Warcraft 1 on the PC, but that's as far back as I want to go.
I'll be tooling along, playing Quake or Starcraft or EverQuest, and
I'll be smack dab in the middle of a multi-hour session when out of
nowhere I'll feel it.
I'll feel a drip of liquid hit the
side of my rib cage and run down to my waist. My hand will
stray over to find the source of this wellspring and will inevitably
find my armpit to be soaked. I don't understand this.
It's not like I'm seriously exerting myself or moving the mouse in a
strenuous manner, but no matter what, after an hour or so of playing
I'll find a river running through my pit.
I thought that I was the only one who
had this happen to him, until my roommate mentioned experiencing a
similar phenomenon. Now I'm curious as to how widespread this
problem is, which has since been dubbed "Pit
(Note that this can be distinguished from regular armpit sweat by
the way that it literally *drips*, as in from a leaky faucet,
one drop at a time from your armpit onto your torso.) Also I was curious if any female gamers out there who shaved their armpits have ever had this happen to them, or if it's just us guys who don't trim the bushes. Any assistance you can give me in my research, aimed at one day stopping this terribly problem, would be greatly appreciated.
Woah, you must be on some psychic
wavelength with the other sweaty Quake dude from a couple weeks
ago. Since you address the issue of shaved armpits, though,
(and since it's always good to know you're not alone) I'll go ahead
and print this. From what I understand, a nice crop of pit
hair does indeed contribute to underarm sweat. It retains
heat, and moisture, and is just a perfect dank little home for all
the beads of sweat to accumulate. Me, I'm not a big fan of
body hair, so I shave under my arms, and I can tell you in all
honesty, I've never experienced the pit drip that you speak of - not
while playing on the computer, anyway. Try giving the old
tangles a bit of a trim, and use a gel or spray anti-perspirant, one
that can really cut through the hair and get to the skin. Also
give my advice to the other guy a try - some fans, an open window,
etc. If all else fails, just be wet. Really, it's
fun. Even moreso if you've got a leather
The Lock On My Backdoor/Now My Key Don't Fit No More
I have been reading your
column religiously for about a year and a half now and kept up with
your marriage, baby, and life stuff (tm) by checking out your
page(s). I personally
think you a cool, straight shooting, Quake mamma.
Anyway, I am 30 yrs
old and married to a beautiful 31 yr old woman. The other
nite I talked her into some self-love while I watched from
Things finally got so heated
that I just could take it any more so I made a mad dash from the
really trying (and without the benefit of careful aim) my lovely
wife accepted me via the "in thru the out door". Due to
excessive moisture I was totally unaware of my back door snafu and my wife
never skipped a beat.
It wasn't until later after collapsing
in a heap that she informed me she had just participated in
aforementioned activity for the first time (and enjoyed it :]
what I was wondering is, since
this is my wife, I do not bag the ole sandwich, and am concerned about
any icky bacteria or other problems to be concerned about, as
this activity is not something I know a lot about.
I open myself to the knowledge of
Well, gee, first of all, thanks for
sharing. As long as the two of you are and have been
monogamous and in good health... with good personal hygiene, I say
hey, whatever fluffs your lovebunny. There's no delicate way
to say this, so uh - make sure that your lovely has made a trip to
the potty before you get down to poop, er, business, and when all is
said and, well, done.. a little soap and water can only
Embarrassment Spotlight contributor is a
rare one - a dear Canadian girlfriend of mine has shared this little
diddy with me, and I laughed so hard I nearly.. well, you'll
see. Hold the door for her, gentlemen, and welcome the north's
hottest blonde babe - Ms. Laurie Rookes.
I went to a gas station, alone. Swiped my
credit card in the gas thingy, and proceeded to pump my
gas. I then finish, get in my car and drive
As I am going... these 3 guys came chasing me,
thumping their hands on the side of my car, and one in the front
trying to stop me from going, pounding on my hood, yelling at
me to stop. I freaked out, drove away fast, calling 911
on my cellular phone. The police told me to drive to this
area, and will send a car to see me. I was fucking
The policemen were there, and asked for me to
accompany them to the gas station to see if anyone there had seen
anything, so I followed them there. Well, shit, we get
there, and they *ARE* there, talking to another police car, I
jumped to *my* police car yelling "that's them, that's them"
(I was smiling, funny I thought it was all kind of exciting
now!) while I was yelling this, the three guys were
saying, (they were calm) "there she is, there she
Wha? We are all confused, but after a quick
discussion of both parties involved, it would appear that lil' Ms.
Rookes' card didn't go through with her feeble "swipe", and
they were trying to bust me for gassing up, and taking off without paying! I swear to God, I peed myself laughing, I actually peed!!"