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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | "The Suck"
   

THIS WEEK: Living a sucky life in high school, falling in love with your one night stand, learning to wield the power of the tongue, rubbing force feedback in your panties, smelling vagina and an embarrassment spotlight that will leave you clutching your bunghole protectively. If your mom sees your anus once you're out of diapers, you know you're bound for some trouble.

  High School, 90210
I'm an intelligent, well-endowed guy, knowledgeable in many things, I don't think there's any questions that I've read in your column that were anatomy-related that I couldn't answer. I am probably the most knowledgeable person I know of about sex. But when it comes to actually just talking to a girl, I'm also probably the shyest guy you could meet. On the internet, irc, etc I could explain to you the exact details of the female reproductive system, answering any questions about any questions you may have, but in public I can't even ask a girl if she wants to go to a movie on Friday. I think it might be because of who I am in the clique in school. Ya know how there's the guy that everyone else in the clique makes fun of? well that's me. I'm constantly being put down by everyone else in the clique, but I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm stuck in a small-town high school with a senior class of 150 students. There, everyone already has their opinion of you, and each clique has a total hatred for the other. When I'm away from the clique, and the town where everyone knows me, say out of town, I'm more of an open guy, and people like me, I like me. But when I'm in town where everyone knows me, I feel like around every corner there's someone to harass me or put me down. I dunno, I figured I would write to you, to see if you had any solutions. I've already decided to go to college away from here... but until then, am I basically screwed? I would appreciate any advice you may have for this seemingly unresolvable problem..  

          -Aarvid

It may seem horrible now, but bide your time.  High School is so inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.  Nobody ever lives out the same existence they had in high school, with the possible exception of Steve Gibson.  You're going away to college, you'll learn and discover and do all the enlightening college things that college students do, and you'll start down your road of life.  In twenty years, some dork whocalls you bungmaster isn't going to matter.  Don't let it matter now.  Hike up your cajones, act like you're studly, and concentrate on your own life.  What they think of you, (and maybe just what you THINK they think of you) doesn't matter.

  Young Party Sluts In Love
Mynx. I've been playing Quake and reading your column for quite some time now, so when this, uhh, "situation" that I'm in arose, I knew I could count on you for quality advice. The situation goes like this: at the apartment-warming party that was thrown in my honor the day I moved in to my current pad, I got drunk and fooled around with a basically anonymous girl, after learning only her first name and giving her a back massage, no less. Now, this is nothing new to me, as I've been labeled as a "party-slut" for quite some time now. Anyway, I understandably didn't hear from this girl for about a week, although I did hear a few things about her in that time. I learned that she, too, was a "party-slut". I hate to say it, but the news didn't surprise me. What did surprise me, however, was her return to my apartment a week after our encounter to ask me to lunch. We've been seeing each other for about a month and a half, now, and we've been faithful to each other for the entirety of that period. The problem is, we each know the other's past, and neither of us are quite comfortable with it. How can we get past this stumbling block in our relationship? I swear I'm falling in love with her already. She's so special to me, it hurts to be without her. But when we're intimate, I just can't help but think of the other guys she's had one-nighters with, some of whom I even know, and of whom I strongly disapprove. And I know she's thinking exactly the same thing of me. I'm dying here, Mynx. Please help us.  

          -Party Boy

This is, first of all, a normal reaction.  Normal as it may be, it ain't fair.  You may end up being the love of her life, but you have no business expecting her to have locked herself in a room until you happened upon her.  If you are *looking* for a reason to be unhappy with her, you're going to find it.  If this person is really so special to you, you will stop obsessing about who or what has been with/in/on her, and focus instead on how great the two of you are together.  People grow and change and learn from their experiences.  It may be that she's learned you are very special to her, and to punish her for things she did before you ever knew her just ain't kosher.  In the immortal words of a very wise person:  Get Over It.

  How To Kill With Your Lips
At a recent dance I met a very good looking girl.  We danced a lot together and then she asked me if I would walk her back to her dorm room.  I did so, and when we got to the door we hugged and began french-kissing.  This kiss, my first real one ever, went on for about 15 seconds.  She was a very good kisser, but I was very bad.  I kept biting
her lip and just overall messing up.  Can you give me some tips on how to do this well?
 

          -Slurpee

What really gets my panties in a knot are slobbery kissers.  I hate being kissed and having three cups of spit all over my face.  I knew a guy once who left teeth marks on either side of my mouth - literally on my cheeks - it was just horrible.  The key to good kissing is being gentle, yet firm.  "The Suck" is a very popular kiss method.  Pucker up those lips, and gently wrap them around hers.  A wee bit of suction and you have a nice kiss.  There's also the good old fashioned "Tongue Trade"... first a flick of the tongue from her, then a flick from you, then her, and so on.  This is a little easier than random tongue stabbings while the two of you gasp for air.  Try and refrain from a rock hard tongue(that can come in handy... later), but at the same time avoid the mush tongue too.  Again, a gentle firmness is always best.  Do your best to keep your teeth covered, because banging teeth hurts.  Your goal should be to taste and to experience the other person, not to devour and assimilate.

  Sexoring Your Console
With the introduction of force feedback gamepads and whatnot, I've been wondering something.  Do women use these to pleasure themselves??  I know that if I was a woman I sure as hell would.  In the options menu of Metal Gear Solid for PSX there is a Test Dual Shock thing that will vibrate the controller at two different speeds with the push of a few buttons.  How could any woman resist the temptation?!  

          -Buzzer

Hey, maybe it's just me, but it takes more than a rumble pack to split my bean.  Now, granted, I don't have a PSX, but the ones that I've seen just don't strike me as having the intensity or staying power that your average female would enjoy.  You know, hitting something in game and getting two seconds of rumble, contrary to what some of our faster male friends might hope, just won't do it for us.  Sorry.

  Hot Tuna 
Don't laugh, this is serious.  Everywhere I go, I smell vagina.  I'm a guy, so it's not like I'm just a stinky chick. I can't seem to get the smell away from me.  It's not bad or anything, but I can't just walk around in a constantly aroused state and stuff.  HELP ME, this is going to kill me.  It's like how druggies always seem to smell pot.  

          -Grouper

Why look a gift vagina... er... horse in the mouth?!  It's not like you're walking around smelling ass all day! (note: those of you who enjoy ass, please don't mail me.  You are in the minority.  Ass does not smell good.  Carry on.) You could be smelling cabbage or skunk or buttmonkeys, but no, you are smelling vagina (thanks for giving me the opportunity to say "vagina", btw, what a great word).  Stop focusing on your perceived smell, and see if it is still giving you trouble.  If you can't seem to get away from it, take a few minutes to grip your whip and see if giving in to the instinct helps at all.  If nothing seems to help, just enjoy it while it lasts.  You may not get this much action again any time soon.

  Embarrassment Spotlight
La la la - I could see something like this happening to me, if I wasn't so young and innocent and stuff. Makes me glad I'm such a "good girl", you know?  Anyway, thanks to Seka for sharing his (or would that be his girlfriend's?) pain.

"Well I dont know if we over here in Sweden are more "open" to new ideas and such in the sexarea, but I have always been pretty straighforward with my ideas and well, most of them has been "granted access" so that's my advice to other fellas. 

Me and my girlfriend have a very good sexlife, we do whatever seems fun as long as nobody objects :). Not so very long ago we decided that "heck, lets do a photo session". Wasn't much more to it than that. Dimmed the lights, grabbed a camera and started shooting. First off the pictures were pretty soft and sensual, merely nakedness and such, however, it became more and more "hardcore:ish" and at the end it was pure porn in all angles.

Time went by and after a few days the photos arrived. We gazed at them, giggling and left the "album" on a desk. That day, though, her mom and sister came to visit us. (I'm sure most of you can see what's comming, but bear with me here). We sat and drank coffee and chatted and they took a tour in our appartment as usual. I sat in the kitchen talking to my GF when I noticed that the two had been gone for well.. quite a while. Went in the bedroom and .. yee ye..  they were looking through our pornography all blushing. When they saw me they pretended as nothing. Doh. All red like friggin tomatoes.

"Oh hell" I thought "perhaps they only saw the first ones."  We returned to the kitchen and after a while the conversation started again. Then suddenly from the clear blue sky her mother asked my GF "Doesn't it hurt having analsex??"

Doh."


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