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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Dear Xian
   

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Guest hosting continues, now with big rippled chunks of Xian.  It wasn't that long ago that Xian, the artist formerly known as Disruptor, and I were just little efnet peons in #doom and #quake.  Oh, how time flies.  *sniffle*.  He's all grown up now, and answering your angst, covering everything from prostitutes to your mom to penis enlargement.  And he did it all amidst the horrible id network/move issues.  Xian, you rock my hooters.

  Do You Think He Pays For It?
I have a girlfriend and we are very close and sexual, the only problem is that she used to be a prostitute and she was addicted to crack.... I have put up with some serious shit from her and she always goes downtown to get money from a supposed friend. and then when I confront her about what she was doing downtown she gets defensive and I can never get a honest answer it seems out of her.... she lives with me and I love her... I'm really screwed here!!!! can u help me out on what to do with this relationship?

-John

Look Next Bear, you already solved this problem. Dump her. How could you go out with a chick named "bob" anyway? That's just pretty well screwed up. Honesty is extremely important in relationships. If you feel she's hiding something, chances are she is. You don't need to deal with that shit. I had a chick try and hide something from me once. Turns out it was her love pudding. But I got a court order allowing me access and everything was fine after that.

  Bob Dole Never Had It So Good
I was wondering, what is the status of medical penis-enlargement techniques at this time? Basically, what options are there, how expensive, and do they work? Additionally, note that my dick isn't small... 7 inches long and 5 in. circumference (not diameter.. I wish :P). However it would be cool for it to be HUGE. Awwwwwroooooooo! So, is this possible? I appreciate any response, thanks.

-Nike Air 

As someone speaking from experience (meaning I have one, not that I have *HAD* one.), large penises are overrated. Women walk funny the next day and you feel really bad about it after the fact. Then on the other hand, you hear women say "Size doesn't matter". THAT IS A !#$(*&(@# LIE!!! Any woman that says that is just trying not to hurt your feelings... Believe me man, there's no bigger ego boost than dropping your boxers before you plow her head into the drywall, than hearing her say "OH MY GOD! YOU WANT TO PUT THAT WHERE?!?!?!!!"...Then you just grab a hold of her hair and bang her from the rear while the neighbors pound on the door wanting to know if everything is ok and what the hell is going on and.... sorry.. what was your original question?  Oh Penile elargement?  Be happy with what you have man.  Most of those dick things involve suction pumps, and the last thing you want is to have a blow out, ya know?

   A Boo Boo On Her Woo Woo
My girlfriend and I have been talking about it for a long time now, and we decided to have sex today. The only problem is, she wanted to call it quits about half way through because she said it hurt too much. Did I do something wrong here? Is there a way to make it less painful for her when we try it again? I'm kinda bummed out about this since I've been waiting for this for a long time. I don't want her to feel bad though because I could tell  it was hurting her badly when I was going in there since mine is pretty big and she's a virgin. Any thoughts on this?

-Razorback 

Well how do you feel man? You've just totally scarred her for life. She's going to turn lesbian because you hurt her. You should be bummed. You should have used lots of lube. You should have taken it shallow instead of humping her like my cousin's dog.  Look.  Some practical advice.  You better learn some oral sex skills pronto if you don't want this chick to always be recounting to her friends how horrible her first time was. And next time use LOTS of lube.  Astroglide or KY or whatever.  Good lord haven't you people seen American Pie?  Why do *I* have to be the one carrying the burden of education for you people on bumping uglies?

   Check Out The Articles On THAT Chick!
Im 17 years old, and I've been collecting bra/panties pics for a contest on a website (http://www.flip-net.com/index.shtml) to win a copy of Team Fortress 2, the "best" pic wins, but no porn is allowed. Well, my dad found them last night.  I got an email from his work just a little while ago, when I got home, that he found my collection folder and took a look.  He personally doesn't have any problem with me looking, as long as its not pornographic at all.  However, my mother would probably kill me (not literally, but she might take my computer away, which is the equivilent of the same).  So, do you think he'll talk?  I'm starting to worry here, and I don't like what I have to worry about.  If I'll look at that, how do I convince them I don't look porn?  I wipe my history folder often, as well as my temp internet files because my HD is only about 3GB, just enough for H-L, Q3A and StarCraft(with mods and maps), so theres no way to prove it there.  I don't know how to convince them.  As I said my dad is fine with it, but if mom finds out I may be in for it.  HELP!?!!?

-Snapper 

Sounds like your mom needs some serious deep-dicking. You shouldn't have to worry about looking at pr0n. It's healthy (so long as you don't turn into some perv), and if your mom has issues with that, she's more than likely a) frigid and your dad is having an affair or b) She's some religeous freak.  I don't see how it's any different than you having a Playboy or, better yet, a Hustler under the bed.  In fact it's probably time to clue old mom in on some other activities I bet you engage in.  It's time to start leaving the vaseline laying out next to some used kleenexs.  Good lord, I hope when I have kids I'm not some frigid freaked out parent about sex.  Of course I have no idea what I would do if I have a daughter and she asks me if she can have a  vibrator.  Good lord, what will I do then?  That would be absolutely embarassing.  I'd be all like "errr....uh....err...well...your mom has never needed one so I don't know."  So maybe we all end up turning into our parents.  You could always just say "Hey mom, it's either I look at pictures of naked women, or naked men. What would you prefer?"  If she says naked men, I'm all wrong about her.

   Clambake At Xian's House!!
How du you pick up girls?  I'm 16 and a total geek, i spend allmost all of my time learning programming(there is nothing else i would rather do, exept sex :)) and i don't like to hang with people i know cause all they wanna do is get drunk or high(and i don't)- but allmost all of them have girlfriends.  I don't know any girls cause i go to a computer school and there are only like 3 girls, who are not very attractive. I've been told allot of times that i'm an attractive guy(and i've been told by girls that i'm the nicest guy they know) and i've seen hot girls cheking me out and shit. Shoud i just walk up to one and start talking, or what? What the hell would i say? Got any good lines, i could use :)? Would you consider running away with me?

-Mortimer 

I prefer the pick up line "Nice shoes.  Let's fuck."  But it seems like you need some more finesse.  Find a chick who's had a few dates, approach her in front of a bunch of other guys or girls around, take her hand, look her deeply in the eyes, and say "I can eat clam for hours straight without stopping." Make sure her friends hear you.  If they laugh, stand your ground and say "I'm serious."  If the chicks still laugh or give you grief, their probably some kind of frigid 'ho' bags.  Go try it on some looker at another school.  I would recommend getting out of your room occasionally though.  Shouting "I can eat clam for hours" out of your subterrainean cave hole where you code all day aint going to get you anyone but the 89 year old mexican chick janitor to take you up on your offer.

-- Special thanks to Stepto of Gamers Angst (www.gamersangst.com)


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