problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your
constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little
too attracted to the game models? Then talk
to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!
Week: Do teenage lovers have a real chance at saying
I do? What do you do if your penis is 9 inches long
and your girlfriend's a virgin? Some guy wanks while
his 12 year old sister takes in an eyeful, another guy has
a bad case of the zit monster, and some dude can't figure
out what to do with the spoo. It's another action packed
edition of Dear Mynx, complete with Graeme Devine's romp with
robobabes. God, it's so good to be back!
My girlfriend and I have been going out a while now and we
really love each other. We plan on being with each other for
the rest of our lives. Some people have doubts about us staying
together that long and some people think that we will make
it. I figured that since you know more about relationships
than people our age, I should ask you if you think we will
last. We are starting college right now, so we're not some
Junior High kids planning our future. So, do you think it
is possible for us to last?
By the way, could you give me some hints or tips to keep our
relationship from ever fading away?
have a shot, sure. In fact, I set up my two dearest friends
when we were in high school - he was a sophomore, my best friend
and I were juniors. They're married now, have been together
for ten years. So long as you're not running off jackhammering
goats in your free time what she heats up the local bung scene,
you quite probably have a good chance. Develop interests
together. If she tells you she wants to take part in the
annual dungspitting contest, participate too! The couple
that spits dung together, stays together. I personally found
that at your age I was too young to be making lifelong commitments
- but you may not be as insane as I. Good luck.
Schmekkies For Distance
I am in need of some desperate help!!!
Ok, I'm going to say that I am blessed with a rather large
male member (9", as I found out this weekend) and his two
side-kicks downstairs. And I know that most girls are looking
for a bigger and better ride than most, but just read on.
girlfriend's parents were gone on buisness, and we decided
to spend some quality time together, and maybe even "Do the
deed". Well, after a lot of fondling and foreplay, when it
got time to go for it, she got scared. The thing is, she's
really small, and I can usually satisfy her with alot of finger
action, and she finally admitted to me that she's afraid of
the pain involved (she's a virgin too.)
am I to do??? She knows that it will hurt when she loses her
And I don't want to cause her any MORE undue pain, but the
cracking of jokes about me splitting her in two (now twins
would be fun... *grins*) has to stop. It's just frustrating
hearing everyone say "bigger is better." Any advice?
-The Famous Mr. Ed
Hey, it doesn't always hurt, you
know. When I lost my virginity it didn't hurt a bit
- quite the opposite actually. But then again he was
hung like a flea so I may have no room to talk. Even
so, the next guy I slept with was affectionatlely referred
to as DonkeySchlong, and that didn't hurt either. Some
girls DO experience pain when taking the plunge (or the plunger,
rather) for the first time, and that is usually hymen related.
If she is athletic, rides bikes or even horses, or has ever
used a tampon, chances are she doesn't have one left.
Even if she does have some discomfort the first time, believe
me, that does not last! :D
Take it slow and give her time to get used to the feeling
as you progress each step of the way. Let her tell you
what is comfortable and what is not. Use plenty of astroglide
and for the love of bob man use a condom! I don't
care if you're virgins, do it anyway. Because I said
so. Oh, and let me know how it goes, eh?
I have a little problem. Actually, I don't but
my little sister does. Let's just say that I pull my wire
pretty often. I've been caught by both parents and they know
when my door is closed, not to bother me but my sister didn't.
She's only 12 and I was
yanking my chain like usual. (damn that sounds funny!) I was
nearing orgasm and then my sister walked into my room and
seen my lying there on my bed with my dick in my hand, beating
furiously. She was miffed to say the least.
She had a boyfriend at
the time. Stupid me said, "What? This is normal! All guys
do this!" She no longer has a boyfriend. She cringes just
at the word sex and many other words like that. She
insistes to call her cat (which she always called her pussycat)
by his name now. She knew nothing of sex before walking in
Help! I'm desperate!
I don't want her to grow up and live her life, completly afraid
of a penis and dying a virgin... Or do you think she'll grow
out of it eventually? She's been like this and she can't look
at me for more than a second before she obviously remembers
what she seen....
-Weird Al Yankinit
Well for starters, it wasn't stupid to say that all guys wank.
That's true, and probably helped her to understand that you
were not the only weird sicko on the planet. It is unfortunate,
but the sight of your potsticker has been burned on her poor
little innocent brain forever. She will not, however,
die a virgin or some sort of prude. At 12 many girls
are still entrenched in the 'boys are yucky' phase.
She'll outgrow it, she'll go on to discover mansteaks on her
own, and she'll forget about it. Eventually. Probably
before she's 30, I'd say. In the meantime, get a freakin
lock for your door, dig?
He's Gunna Blow!!
Hi, I have a little problem, you see,
im 15 and have acne and there is this really hot girl in
some of my classes and she doesn't have a boyfriend, I mean
every time I see her i'm knocked off my feet. When ever
I am with my friends and start talking to her I start to
worry if my acne is too ugly or something? What should
You know, if it is really such an issue for you, get to
a dermatologist. Youre friendly neighborhood zit doctor
can do a lot for your poor self esteem. Beyond that,
though, I have to tell you that it may not be as bad as
you think it is. The guy I lost my virginity to (the
abovementioned gnatpenis) had long curly hair, gorgeous
blue eyes flecked with green, and could play guitar beautifully.
He also had pretty darn bad skin. Cystic, in some
places. Really bad. But he was still beautiful
and still talented and still managed to make me want him.
Bad. Oh so bad. So brush up your 'tude and see
if you can't get her attention with your charm and wit.
A little dash of sexual tension and flirting never hurts,
either. Just don't go up to her and say "hey baby,
I make games, wanna fuck?" Doesn't work. (well,
The New Goo Review
I'm not new to puberty, but ever since
I first masturbated (by coincidence, I might add) - I had
a question I think is appropriate: how do you dispose of
all the "foam"? OK, I get the general procedure: you whip
your penis out, start rubbing; and now all the liquid thing
starts pouring out. What do you do with it?
My parents never explained
to me about the entire process of the 'birds and the bees'
as Americans call it; and so, all information I know by
now was drawn either from tv/movies or from talks with people
on irc. But in all honesty, I never found a real answer
- what the hell do you do with that?
Thanks. Somehow I have
the impression I'm just about the last man in the world
not to know this most basic piece of information.
Ok well I must say I am intrigued that you discovered hopping
your honker by COINCIDENCE - but hey, at least you found
the fountain of fun, eh? And for the record, I would
not recommend learning ANYTHING about sex from irc.
I mean come on, do you really want to take sex advice from
people who hang out online 16 hours a day? Er wait,
Spooge is a wonderful thing. You'll always make more,
so you don't need to go about saving it or something.
Bring a freakin tissue and just wipe off and toss out.
Pick up the closest old sock and dry off then toss in the
laundry. Heck stand in the shower and aim it at the
drain. Where the goo lands is another quandry entirely.
I have known guys who just let fly onto themselves (one
got hit in the eye), and others who were devout tissue catchers.
Personally I found the tissue catchers were much more repressed
and retentive than the abdomen catchers, but that was just
my own little unscientific survey. There is no right
or wrong. Spooge as you see fit.
Gaming personalities talk about that magical "first time".
It happens to everyone, even us geeks (well, most everyone),
and there's always a tale to tell. I promise to even
share mine, eventually. This week's deflowered geek
is none other than our favorite tasty crumpet, Graeme Devine.
It was long ago, on a dark and
stormy night, that I set out on my adventure. The
local pub was strangely deserted except for the usual crowd
of 60 or so, and I soon sat down with my favorite friend
-- a pint of Guinness. Watching people come and go,
fight and frolic, pass out and puke. Ahh, the wonders
of the British pub scene.
Eight or so Guinnesses later
I noticed that I was not alone, a trio of females had sat
down with me and were intently studying the Guinness.
Had I been more intoxicated, I wouldn't have noticed that
the three were all identical and wearing silver spacesuits.
The conversation turned to the
dark liquid. They asked if it was nutritional, how
it was made, and what properties it had. I answered
as truthfully as I could, only elaborating as much as any
male in the company of three beautiful tightly sliver clad
Before I knew it, I was being
whisked away with a girl in each arm, and a pack of Guinness
accompanying the third. At this point, I realized
someone must have slipped me something in that tenth pint
because I was feeling a little bit woozy. I could
swear we got into a car that flew and we went up to a spaceship.
We entered a room with strange
equipment in it, the girls all tried to comfort me as best
they could as they did evil and viscous experiments on the
Guinness they had abducted from the pub. In the end,
they tried to subdue me by taking turns having sex with
me. Being a virgin, I wasn't very experienced, and
only managed to last a few hours per girl.
I woke up in the park the next
day. Mere footsteps away from the pub. As I
stumbled home I reached into my pocket and found a phone
number with the name "Lintilla" next to it. Out
of respect to my favorite friend, I never called.
And that's the nearly true story
of how I lost my virginity and learnt a valuable lesson
about alcohol abuse.
Of course, things only got stranger
after that. But we'll save that for another story.