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Dear
Mynx

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    PlanetQuake | Features | Dear Mynx | Levelord's Butt

   

Got problems with your girlfriend because she can't take your constant Quake playing? Are you finding yourself just a little too attracted to the game models? Then talk to Mynx and she'll sort it all out for you!

This Week:  Why girls ignore geeks, what Mynx thinks about guys who wax their schnarkers, what Mynx thinks about the "M" word, and John Romero faces down Levelord in a greased hog competition.  SOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!


  Why Girls Ignore Geeks
Hi Mynx. I first read your column today. I had a good laugh at all the sad pathetic nerds and their troubles. Then after making sure nobody was watching, started this email to tell you about my own sad pathetic troubles. The thing is, why do I have so much trouble getting girls? I'm 17, I have no physical deformities, I'm not (insert desirable male of choice here) but I'm not UNattractive, and I know I'm a nice guy. I'm not gay (maybe that's the problem). I just don't how to approach girls. Drunken morons who can't string 2 syllables toghether manage it easily... Why not me? Pleas help.


Drunken morons tend to have this "help me I am an idiot" thing going on that girls just find irresistable.  No, its true.  The vast majority of girls out there in your age group are attracted to drunken toads for precisely that reason.  Teenage girls practically froth at the mouth for a chance to get ahold of a dipshit like this.  They swoon at the very idea of being treated like crap in public, for the chance to say "oh, but you should SEE how he treats me when we are ALONE!"  The whole Leader of the Pack bad boy does good for the love of his girl, thing.  Even yours truly went through this phase.  The good news is, we outgrow it.  Your best bet is to either hunt out a girl who is mature for her years (the international club or math enthusiast society are good places to start), or start trolling the ponds of older women.  There's nothing wrong with you at all.  Teenage girls are aliens.

  Smoooooooooooth
Yesterday I had a strange compulsion to wax my nether regions. I've thought about doing this before, but I actually followed through this time... It's awesome in my opinion! What's your opinion on guys doing this sort of thing? Am I unusual? Thanks!

You are certainly unusual, yes.  You, gentle reader, should know by now that my opinion of guys doing this sort of thing is quite positive.  I'm all for groin enhancement!  You should have enough regrowth to wax again, should you deside, in about 6 weeks or so.  Do be careful, however - if you continue waxing on every regrowth there is a chance that your short and springies will stop growing in all together.  So, think carefully if you want your little smokie in a bald spot forever, okay? 

  Mawwige Is What Bwins Us Hewe Today
i have this topic that's been bugging me:
marrige

to tell you the truth i see no point in marrige.

i mean, come on, what would happen after you got married. the love will eventually die down. every day the same, alarm clock, good morning, work, children to school.

like in 3 months after you got married (ive seen this so many times), couples will start fighting. then eventually in a few years or so you get a divorce and your kids have to go through the emotional pain that everyone goes through. theres no point!

honestly, whats your opinion on marrige. why did you get married?

Well, when it comes right down to it, really, marriage is just an agreement not to pork anyone else.  But, it really is all about what you make it.  Marriage is the ultimate commitment to another person.  When you marry someone, you are willfully and with great thought commiting to sharing yourself, your life, your future with this other person.  You do it because no, it will not be easy to get out of, nor should it be.  For me, in my own life, I married to raise children with someone I respect and trust.  Also, I know that no matter what happens, Mental will be there for me.  Now, all that happy shit aside, there are less fun reasons.  Tax reasons, legal reasons - If I suddenly fall into a coma from too much boobie tweaking, I want Mental to be the one making the decisions for my care - were we not married, he wouldn't be able.  Insurance reasons, blah blah.  The good news is, you don't HAVE to get married, if you don't want to.  You can live in "sin" quite happily, and as you know, I'm all for happy sinning!

  SOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUIEE!!
If John Romero faced off, naked, in a greased hog catching contest with Levelord, who would win, and why?
 

I'm going to have to go with Levelord on this one.  Let's consider the opponents: both hairy, both geeky.  I'm going to guess John's got youth and skill on his side, but I'll give age and treachery to Lord.  Age and treachery can always overcome youth and skill.  And, never underestimate the power of a scary butt.  We've seen Levelord's butt - and I'm betting he could just drop trou and scare the hog into submission.  Oooh.