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    PlanetQuake | Articles | Quakescopes: Desktop Readings
   

Desktop Readings for January 6 - January 12, 2003
The mystical powers never stop!
— by Jube


 - click for full size image
Here Kitty Kitty!

Profile for TalonFyre: Oh my god, is that a Furby I see in the background? Regardless of your ability to get 20 frags in a minute against your LAN buddies, I think I've just lost all respect for you. ;) Even your cat is laughing at you! In fact, I'm quite good at lip reading... I think the pussy is saying "ROWR, my master is an asshat!" Either that or "I love chicken, I love tuna", not 100% sure. Looking into the crystal ball (plastic actually, PlanetQuake won't dish out for the good china)... You're a decent player, but a boastful one as well. You like to flaunt your wins and you get angry with yourself and become a little whiney when you lose. You've probably ruined a few perfectly good keyboards. :o Lately you've been wondering why you so enjoy going commando (ie. no underwear). In one of your past lives you worked at the underwear factory. You eventually came to hate underwear with a passion, some of this hate has carried over to your current life. You wish you had of been the one to invent adult diapers. When it comes to Quake, you play your best games in the evening with the lights out. Playing with headphones is extremely advantageous for you, since it helps bring you into the ultimate atmospheric fragging zone. While you make a good defense player you sometimes get bored sitting around homebase, so it's in your nature to break from formation and go on rogue runs to the front lines. I sense that you're a bit of a rocket jockey, which isn't a bad thing, but you really should work on other weapon skills if you want to improve your game. Just incase you think I'm feeding you a load of crap, we'll ask The Mystical Smoking Head of Bob a few questions. Bob, does TalonFyre have any extra body parts we should know about? Answer: Yes, Definitely. Is TalonFyre a skilled gamer? Answer: Very Doubtful. Oops, hey, what does Bob know? Afterall, he's just a talking head. One more for the road! Is TalonFyre a sex machine? Answer: Yes, Definitely. There you go, at least he got one out of three right, huh? ;)


 - click for full size image
Less Yack and More Psychic Mojo!

Profile for T]Kevlar[S: Well apparently I rambled on through your last reading, so we're going to take another crack at it with less commentary (on mundane topics such as file compression) from the Jube gallery! Well let's see what Martha (my crystal ball) has to say about you this time around. You think donkeys are cute and wish people would stop making fun of them. When it comes to gaming u r l33t, h0nk, bl33t! Those were Martha's words not mine. You secretly wish you were an android. Your extremely large genitals get in the way of playing sports (again, Martha's words not mine). You will frequent BINGO parlours in your later years. A normal person uses an average of 20,000 words in daily life. You only use about 150. The cute female you've been eyeing recently thinks you have bad breath. When it comes to Quake, your best position is that of bench warmer, Martha says you're a poor sport and should be barred from matches until you learn to can the trash talking. Personally I disagree with her, I think you're a perfectly nice and well mannered individual. Damn her, damn her straight to Daikatana! While I sense you are generally a good team player, I also sense that you often try to carry the team by playing all positions. Time to ask a few questions of The Mystical Smoking Head of Bob. Bob, does Kevlar want to become a male stripper? Answer: Signs Point To Yes. Does Kevlar really have enormous genitals? Answer: Without A Doubt. ... Egad, I thought Martha was just lying. One more for the road then... Bob, is Kevlar a skilled gamer? Answer: Outlook Good!





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