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    PlanetQuake | Articles | Quakescopes: Desktop Readings
   

Desktop Readings for January 27 - February 2, 2003
The mystical powers never stop!
— by Jube


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Plain Jane She Ain't

Profile for Zay: Well the desktop may be plain but we all know the girl sure ain't! :) Some interesting icons. From "pr0n" to recipes. Pretty broad. Most females probably wouldn't be caught dead with a "pr0n" folder, except maybe you and me. ;) Your lucky number is 11. Your best colour is AQUA. Wear it on your wedding day for marital bliss? Wear something warm tomorrow. I know where your missing socks are. And Elvis said unto Eve, "put down the apple and back away from that tree". This morning when I was making some hot chocolate I wrote a song for you... "Chocolat chocolat chocolat, chocolat, chocolat, chocolat". But words alone don't really do it justice so I decided to write you some rap instead! "My name is Zay and I'm here to say... hip hop hibby, hibby hibby, hip hip hop you don't stop... *insert beat box noise thingy where they spit all over the place* You like fuzzy butts and you can not lie, you other sisters can't deny, that when a guy walks in with a fuzzy wuzzy butt you just gotta take a bite 'o that pie!" Barbie? Notice the so called readings are more like me jumping through flaming hoops without fire retardant undies? Okay, time to kick things up a notch. I've asked the crystal [plastic] ball to liken you to a video game character. The ball started smoking while thinking on this one, had to put it in the freezer for a while. Lots of cool female video characters out there such as the sexay Ms. Pacman, Lara Croft, Buffy, Cate Archer, et al, but which could actually do the great Zay justice? We've decided you're too much personality to be crammed into a single game character, so we're (we being me and my ball) going to call you "Elite Alice". A cross between Alice's Alice and RtCW's Elite Guard. Sweet but deadly! And a little leather never went amiss either. Say hi to Sandy!


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Drawing Tablet Mayhem

Profile for BennY: Some original artwork here from the tablet of the one and only BennY! Kinda creepy though since you apparently "see trees in your dreams". Although this is supposed to be a desktop reading, let's do a quick dream analysis: To dream of trees in new foliage, foretells a happy consummation of hopes and desires. Dead trees signal sorrow and loss. To climb a tree is a sign of swift elevation and preferment. To cut one down, or pull it up by the roots, denotes that you will waste your energies and wealth foolishly. To see green tress newly felled, portends unhappiness coming unexpectedly upon scenes of enjoyment, or prosperity. So there you have it! Your lucky number is 22. Your best colour is CORAL. Purchase coral bed sheets to be lucky in love. Grow a beard, just be careful not to lose your dinner in it. Just incase you were considering it, don't go over Niagara Falls in a barrel this month. Next month is much better for barreling. You will meet a lady in red. Beware of kitty litter. Your lucky cheese is Guda. The video game character you are most likely to be mistaken for is Kyle Katarn from Jedi Outcast. Yes it's true, you have the force young jedi, and you must avenge your father and save the galaxy. Plus Kyle looks like he'd have a hairy back, and the crystal ball is betting you have a hairy back as well.


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Carpet Breeds Germs

Profile for zakk: Interesting piece of fuzzy carpet you've got for a background image there! Did you know that carpet is a germ breeding ground? Be sure to vacuum and disinfect your desktop regularly. Your lucky number is 15. Your best colour is CRIMSON. Shake things up a bit, wear your socks on the wrong feet today. Don't let the sun go down on me. Your computer chair is squeaky. One of your friends enjoys wearing diapers. The one who looks at you weird and denies it when you ask, is in fact the diaper wearer. Blackmail someone you love. You suck at Quake. Pierced body parts will end in tears. Get a tattoo instead. Perhaps a big full back Bambi. The chicks will dig it. You have a green thumb. Get a plant. Name it Herbert. Your lucky shower is hot. You have an imaginary friend that bears a strong resemblance to cauliflower. The video game character you are most like is Chell from Elite Force. Not to say you're a Star Trek geek or anything. But uhm you're probably a Star Trek geek. Okay there I said it, knowing is part of the battle. Chell is of the Bolian race and he's blue. Blue is cool. Therefore you are also cool. And stuff. Of course he's also a bit of a screw up. But blowing stuff up is fun. Apparently. So I'm told.


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God For A Day

Profile for Avatar: Yay, apparently I'm a God if I do this reading. So as God for a day I think I'll let it rain money. Then I'll go watch over Brad Pitt while he takes a shower. This God thing is gonna rock! Anyway, you're quite the first person shooter gamer! I'd say that you're probably quite looking forward to the release of Deus Ex II. Your lucky number is 16. Your best colour is GOLDEN ROD. Sounds like some sort of porn movie award. As winner of the Porn Lifetime Achievement Award, I present Avatar with the Golden Rod! *the crowd goes wild* You need chocolate to be happy. Hmm, wait that's me. You need a Russian woman named Tatyana to be happy. Just be careful with that whole mail order bride thing. Remember that tech talk is really sexy. Score yourself a mate by constantly making small talk about hubs and routers. I sense that you are lazy. So lazy in fact that you've started trying to convince people that your over flowing garbage is modern art. Your lucky sandwich is PB&J. So let's see... which video game character is most like you? I'm sure you've wondered this a gazillion times, well my friend, the answer is finally forthcoming. You and Max Payne could be identical twins. Oddly enough you were both born with with a genetic flaw that makes you move in slow motion when someone is firing a gun at you. Don't feel like a mutant, you never know when something like this could come in handy!


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Second Time's A Charm

Profile for BD: Well the first time you sent your desktop it turned out to be an empty zip file! Alas, that problem has been sorted out now and it's time to find out all about your past, present and future. :o Put on your seat belt, it might be a bumpy ride. Those are some big honking icons you've got there. This of course indicates that you like to go big. You super size your meals and wear big underwear. Either that or the big icons could just indicate a vision problem. Nah, big underwear is more fun to talk about. Your lucky number is 18. Your best colour is DARK OLIVE GREEN. Eat, sleep and drink olive for good health. Since it's all the rage these days you've decided you want an internet girlfriend. Don't do it! Internet girlfriends are the spawn of Satan. You think you're a good singer. You're not. Think American Idol reject. You've been wanting to try Domino's Buffalo Chicken Kickers. They're pretty good but you don't get enough for the price. Take pictures of yourself posing naked on a bear skin rug, they'll make a great Christmas Card. Your lucky dance is disco. Okie dokie, last but not least... time to find out which video game character my crystal ball thinks you are most like. And the winner is... Jamal Murad of Rogue Spear! Hot 'n sexy he's fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight, he is the one named Sailor Moon... erm Jamal Murad.





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