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    PlanetQuake | Articles | Quakescopes: Desktop Readings
   

Desktop Readings for September 22 - September 28, 2003
The mystical powers never stop!
— by Jube


 - click for full size image
The new white bread.

Profile for Wonderbread: Yay, some fresh meat this week! Or should I say "fresh bread"? Yeah that was lame, so sue me. ;) I really like your desktop. Green is my favourite colour and you've got some nice extra touches there. Obviously an Xbox freak. Just to share with peeps... you've done a lot of Xbox modding projects and are apparently quite close to having Quake 2 running on your Xbox under Linux. Wheee! So I guess you win two awards this week... Best Desktop and Quake Dedication. Let's get all psychic 'n stuff now. You should pass the time by joining a cult or getting married or something. Watch for anything suspicious floating in your drink this month. A black cat will cross your path. Nothing will come of it, just thought I'd mention it. The antichrist has arrived on earth in the guise of your underpants. A bad burrito could ruin an otherwise perfectly good week for you. Shy away from the Taco Bell wannabes for a while. You will be struck by an odd desire to wax your legs next month. Don't do it, it hurts like a bastard. Leave not thy work computer unlocked, least others find your hidden porn files. You're a decent player, but a boastful one as well. You like to flaunt your wins and you get angry with yourself and become a little whiney when you lose. Lately you've been wondering why you so enjoy going commando (ie. no underwear). In one of your past lives you worked at the underwear factory. You eventually came to hate underwear with a passion, some of this hate has carried over to your current life. You wish you had of been the one to invent adult diapers. One-Liner of the day: "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."



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Britney's whoring around again...

Profile for Crio: Criooooooooo! Hallo. Only took you 3 tries to get this desktop to me, damn n00bs. :D By the way... the other day in IRC I saw when you proclaimed that "losing to Jube is like losing a testicle". Curses on you! Yes indeed. No worries though... for the low, low price of $19.99 I will also remove curses, after an appropriate length of suffering has passed. Anyway, let's have a looksy at ye olde desktop. Not so long ago Britney Spears admitted that she was no longer a virgin. Like, duh. Of course most people probably assume that Justin did the honours, but it was actually your friend Chuck, pictured large and in charge with the skank herself. You're sort of a celebrity by association. Congrats! Let the psychic energy flow... Tomorrow is a good day to do all the things that you don't want to do today. If you build it they will come. Erect a beer shrine in your spare room. Not sure who "they" are, but you never know, they could turn out to be a hoard of horny Playboy bunnies. Or you could get stuck with a bunch of thirsty WWF Wrestlers. Hard to say really. You should have your car checked out. There's someone in the trunk. Surreal Compliments for Crio: Your hands do the work of 10,000 highly trained lesbian jumping beans. Sir, ist thou donning space underwear? For thine ass doth lie beyond the physical boundaries of this world! When it comes to Quake, your best position is that of bench warmer. You will be approached by inconvenience today. By the way, people don't really think it's funny when you send them photocopies of your ass.



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Same great taste in a different package.

Profile for Aximili: Howdy! Back for round two with a new background. I think I preferred last week's, even though it was a bit on the evil side. This dude looks like a cross between the new generation of Strogg and a Venom Soldier from RtCW. The sword doesn't fit in though, he doesn't really have the "I use a sword" look to him. Oh well, let's see what the crystal ball has to say this week... Looking both ways is for sissies. Five year olds love your sense of humour. You are stuck in an alternate universe. The real you is incredibly rich and extremely famous. The good news is that you can merge with your alternate self if you stand in front of the donut shop at the corner of Forest and Elm Street at exactly 3:17 AM on November 20th. If you don't happen to make the merge, that's okay, I still see a very bright future for you. Not really. Just trying to make you feel better. You eat way too much fast food. Or work at McDonalds. Not sure which, my plastic ball is all smudged up from the previous reading. You will frequent BINGO parlours in your later years. A normal person uses an average of 20,000 words in daily life. You only use about 150. The cute female you've been eyeing recently thinks you have bad breath. When people say 'get out,' they mean it. Wear blue. Today is a good day to wear a silly hat. Your lucky food is what the other guy is eating. Don't ever think thoughts like the one you had first thing this morning unless you really like prison food.




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